Today, my father calculated that the only way we can afford to...

By Teenagemum - 13/07/2019 20:30

Today, my father calculated that the only way we can afford to keep the house was if I get pregnant and claim child benefits. My family now won't speak to me because I refuse to do it. I'm 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 037

You deserved it 95

This Charming Man

Leave us alone

Things can only get better

By Frenchie - 12/09/2013 21:24 - United States - Belleville

Today, in French class we had to write love letters as an exercise. Since my boyfriend recently broke up with me by text message, I ended up writing a 20-sentence love letter in French to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 521

You deserved it 4 306

By Rhea - 28/10/2009 11:00 - Australia

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 080

You deserved it 3 706

By weezel - 31/08/2010 13:13 - South Africa

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 254

You deserved it 54 007

By steffansk1997 - 15/12/2016 21:08

Today, I had an appointment with the CEO of a big company about a game I'm going to make for them. The first thing I did after sitting down was to throw my coffee all over his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 459

You deserved it 964

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 155

You deserved it 3 986

By Sloppy Cashmere - 09/05/2016 21:26 - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 819

You deserved it 1 410

By Anonymous - 27/02/2014 14:34 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 031

You deserved it 61 083

By Sleeping moody - 08/08/2016 04:01 - United States - Hollywood

Today I went to my sleep therapist; I sleep 8 hours a night, but I'm still very tired during the day. I'm divorced, so we decided that I would record myself sleeping to see if I might be snoring. We listened to the tape. Not only was I snoring very loudly, I cry all night in my sleep. FM

I agree, your life sucks 18 358

You deserved it 1 040

By Anonymous - 12/01/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 907

You deserved it 3 077

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 23:07 - Canada

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 442

You deserved it 5 605

By I'maboutobarf - 31/01/2013 10:28 - Australia

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 159

You deserved it 2 769

By Anonymous - 22/07/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 901

You deserved it 106 075

Move!

By Mogg - 18/12/2009 08:42 - Australia

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 3 248

By Taylor - 20/07/2012 18:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 301

You deserved it 3 717

By notgettingany - 24/11/2010 17:18 - United States

Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 667

You deserved it 4 997

By scaryhairy - 04/11/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 941

You deserved it 5 161

By Anonymous - 14/07/2018 05:00

Today, my 92-year-old great-grandfather ran down the stairs in excitement, despite his severe arthritis. He told my great-grandmother that he was having the first erection in over 10 years, and grandma ordered me to leave so they could do it right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 617

You deserved it 743

By novacabudsforme - 15/08/2016 10:11 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 143

You deserved it 988

By Anonymous - 11/04/2018 06:00

Today, I secretly turned off the internet to see what my kids would do. Barely 10 minutes later, I caught my oldest son masturbating to a photo of my sister in a bikini because, as he put it, "A man has needs and the internet's fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 590

You deserved it 2 130

By blackcat37 - 28/09/2013 10:53 - United States - Independence

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 534

You deserved it 4 899

By mystery - 07/12/2013 21:55 - United States - Minot

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 491

You deserved it 5 871

By yellow_sunflowers101 - 16/04/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my family and I ran into an older man my parents knew. He continually asked me questions like do you play football, have you started shaving yet, etc. I thought he was joking. He told my parents I had grown into quite a young man. I am a girl and he wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 374

You deserved it 4 853

By Anonymous - 29/10/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, I lost my phone. On the bright side, someone found it. On the downside, they won't give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 143

You deserved it 3 450

By anonymous - 25/11/2014 03:25 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 541

You deserved it 3 748

By Dr.Anonymous - 22/03/2014 11:56 - India - Mumbai

Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 270

You deserved it 3 756

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 785

You deserved it 2 592

By Annonymous - 18/11/2013 18:37 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, my water got cut off. The previous homeowners owed the water company over $300, and the company doesn't believe that I'm not them. The supervisor told me this will keep happening until I pay up. I need a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 299

You deserved it 2 894

By Savviecat97 - 25/07/2019 00:01

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 171

By fire1 - 25/10/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 095

You deserved it 2 311

Dude…

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 18:00

Today, I told my girlfriend that I miss the amazing sex life we used to have, as we haven't had sex in months. She accidentally blurted out, "Well, I've still got one." It seems our neighbour has taken over my role in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 848

You deserved it 879

By Anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 571

You deserved it 2 816

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 17:16 - Australia

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 860

You deserved it 8 946

By Anonymous - 06/02/2014 23:07 - United States - San Ramon

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 307

You deserved it 4 197

By TacoFail - 02/01/2010 04:46 - United States

Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 982

You deserved it 60 532

By Jeepers - 29/06/2009 14:30 - United Kingdom

Today, after playing in an online casino, I won £200. Being pretty tight for cash at the moment I was pretty excited. I then tried to withdraw it to be told that I can't have a penny of it because I didn't register my card details first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 098

You deserved it 41 796

Relationships sink

By BS2280 - 09/06/2020 23:00

Today, my wife told me that she isn't in a place where she can have a physical relationship, that if I want us to have a physical relationship, then we need to start from the bottom up, and work on building a friendship. I'm like, we've been married 15 years, and we're not even friends? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 030

You deserved it 491

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 09:29 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 016

You deserved it 1 844

By Sorry? - 02/12/2016 03:54 - United States

Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both whispered, "Sorry." Our teacher promptly gave us detention and a 0% on the test for talking. Sorry for being sorry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 021

You deserved it 735

By smashleighfig - 08/03/2010 05:14 - France

Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 022

You deserved it 3 595

Dazed and Confused

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Woodside

Today, I was promoted. I got advice throughout the day from all of management on what I'm supposed to do first thing everyday. Not one was the same as the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 243

You deserved it 485

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Top comments

Kelly Robinson 12

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Saturday 13 July 2019 21:16

what t he actual fuck is wrong with them

DeeVa 7

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Saturday 13 July 2019 21:45

This should be obvious, but here goes: his responsibility, not yours.

Kelly Robinson 12

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Saturday 13 July 2019 21:16

what t he actual fuck is wrong with them

DeeVa 7

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Saturday 13 July 2019 21:45

This should be obvious, but here goes: his responsibility, not yours.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 13 July 2019 21:51

Is your dad Jeffrey Epstein?

Skydome6666 6

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Sunday 14 July 2019 12:33

aýyyyyyyy lmao

GamerChickxoxo 16

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Sunday 14 July 2019 0:01

please do not get pregnat and become a wellfare crackwhore. you have your whole life ahead of you. get a job, marry a guy with money.make some good decisions.

GamerChickxoxo 16

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Sunday 14 July 2019 0:02

call childrens aid and say "help my dads trying to impregnate me!" theyll sort it out

Johnny Hammersticks 0

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Sunday 14 July 2019 2:52

username checks out

KittyMack 13

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Sunday 14 July 2019 3:45

On the bright side, now that you have learned what worthless pieces of shit they all are, you will have a much more cheerful time watching them struggle. In your shoes I'd take huge delight in watching that cruel bastard lose everything. Fuck em. You don't need them- I've been on my own since 16 and I turned out alright. You can stay in a teen grouphome or get a foster family if you tell the authorities... record some of the conversations with your phone for evidence. That's assuming this is real, which I really hope it isn't.

ripmon 1

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Sunday 14 July 2019 4:30

https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/ccxh6d/fml_is_an_interesting_broken_app/ figured you'd want to know

alicelouise66 5

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Sunday 14 July 2019 5:14

that doesn't even make sense. it takes 9 months to even have the baby. whsts going to save the house then?

alycion 38

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Sunday 14 July 2019 9:53

I was told to get a divorce so if qualify for copay assistance for the only treatment of one of my autoimmune issues. My insurance covers half. Still leaves me with 2.5k. It’s amazing the ridiculous solutions people come up with for their problems. There is always other options. I found a MMJ based treatment that is working great. I get thinking outside the box. Not outside of the universe.