Animals: Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip...

By g'day cunt - 26/08/2012 18:27 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 641

You deserved it 28 873

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 940

You deserved it 1 094

Yucky!

By theapplesleader - 23/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 3 812

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 159

You deserved it 9 119

By aaalias34 - 26/02/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 985

You deserved it 8 455

By Addicted2FML303 - 06/12/2010 22:50 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 761

You deserved it 5 258

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 362

You deserved it 35 751

It's a doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 295

You deserved it 159

By WhyMe - 27/11/2018 17:30

Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 473

You deserved it 310

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 9 321

Oh gosh

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 14:00

Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 682

Futacy 29

Monday 27 August 2012 3:09

Wait.. you spray perfume in your mouth?

Kgirl2cute 6

Monday 27 August 2012 3:10

But why would you ever spray perfume directly at your mouth?

Comments

lag_assassin84 1

Monday 27 August 2012 4:33

Must have had dog breath, shoulda used orbits gum

mrsquiggles6900 5

Monday 27 August 2012 7:00

For a good clean feeling. No matter what!

DinosaursAreCute 0

Monday 27 August 2012 4:49

Yes because when I get a wound I spray perfume in it

yscpunkchick 14

Monday 27 August 2012 5:25

I know it has already been asked but here it goes..... WHY THE **** WOULD YOU SPRAY PERFUME DIRECTLY AT YOUR MOUTH!?

kernal2005 3

Monday 27 August 2012 5:36

why are u spraying perfume there? UDI

SoultheWolf 19

Monday 27 August 2012 6:02

Why the **** would you put perfume anywhere near your face? It's suppost to go around the torso area. YDI

dstluke 7

Monday 27 August 2012 6:14

um.... yes. I believe you because everyone sprays perfume on their lips.

Kyle225 3

Monday 27 August 2012 6:49

Wha?..what? So you sprayed perfume in your mouth?

vtatran_fml 1

Monday 27 August 2012 6:59

Which lips...?!!!

GypsyRover 0

Monday 27 August 2012 17:34

Lmfao! By the dog! Golden comment,nice! :-)

zuzupetalsYO 11

Monday 27 August 2012 7:15

Your poor dog though..

Spottedfeather 7

Monday 27 August 2012 8:07

What idiot sprays perfume on their face ?

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I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 3 196

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 978

You deserved it 4 922

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I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 743

Today, the driver's side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, "Sorry, thought this was my car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 646

You deserved it 2 503

Today, I planned to go on a date with a man I met online. He came to my apartment to pick me up, and I told him I'd be right out as I grabbed my purse. When I got outside, he was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 309

You deserved it 4 380

Same thing different taste

Yucky!

It's a doggy dog world

Oh gosh

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