Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML
Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML
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Top comments
Futacy 30
Wait.. you spray perfume in your mouth?
Kgirl2cute 6
But why would you ever spray perfume directly at your mouth?
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Comments (58)
lag_assassin84 1
Must have had dog breath, shoulda used orbits gum
mrsquiggles6900 5
For a good clean feeling. No matter what!
DinosaursAreCute 0
Yes because when I get a wound I spray perfume in it
yscpunkchick 14
I know it has already been asked but here it goes..... WHY THE **** WOULD YOU SPRAY PERFUME DIRECTLY AT YOUR MOUTH!?
kernal2005 3
why are u spraying perfume there? UDI
SoultheWolf 19
Why the **** would you put perfume anywhere near your face? It's suppost to go around the torso area. YDI
dstluke 7
um.... yes. I believe you because everyone sprays perfume on their lips.
Kyle225 3
Wha?..what? So you sprayed perfume in your mouth?
vtatran_fml 1
Which lips...?!!!
GypsyRover 0
Lmfao! By the dog! Golden comment,nice! :-)
zuzupetalsYO 11
Your poor dog though..
Spottedfeather 7
What idiot sprays perfume on their face ?