Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

Gullible

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

They're everywhere!

Today, my dad's conspiracy theory obsession hit a new level of stupidity when he blurted, "False flag" because our toaster stopped working. FML

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

Good God, man…

Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML

Survivor

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

Today, yet again, I got into an argument with my dad. I have a PhD in the subject. But he's "entitled to his opinion", for, as he said, he's read a summary of the history of the country in a tourist guidebook, and the general view doesn't have to be based on more detailed information. He also corrects me when I speak the language, which he doesn't know. FML