Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
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Top comments
slayerdme 0
Why would you even smoke in the first place? Think you're cool huh?
trilingualotaku 0
ydi for 2 reasons. 1=bad hiding spot. 2=for lying. ... have a nice day :D
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Comments (273)
MoobyTheCow 2
He could probably smell it on your breath, and clothes, so your long-winded speech was probably emanating stink lines. Smoking isn't invisible, you know.
DinosAndAliens22 18
I doubt he asked out of complete curiosity. He more than likely knew, so lying was a crappy choice.
dramafreakoid 0
******* hypocrite. Seriously, the world seems to be void of integrity...
Rydizzle 0
haahahaha how dumb!
themanistheman 0
This isn't an FML, it's an IATR "I'm-A-Total-Retard"
DameGreyWulf 1
Smoking is absolutely disgusting. YDI just for that. Hypocritical twat. And addictions.. PAH. I can point out, and I'm sure many others can too, several people who just plain stop. No patches or pills or "OH JUST ONCE MORE.."; they just stopped. The human mind can accomplish anything you want it to, (sometimes things you DON'T want it to... lol faux-preggers) you just have to stop being a ******* pussy. Sure, I'll get the flames, but I don't care. I have a mother who has tried to pull this "BUT I'M ADDICTED/I'LL GAIN WEIGHT/I'LL GET TIRED" bullshit on me countless times.
fucklifeee 0
YDI for smoking in the first place.
cherrypieguy 0
I agree with freedylunch
sam428 0
anyone who starts smoking can't use the "i can't help it, i'm addicted" excuse. you weren't addicted when you picked up your first cigarette. and as for the original FML, you're stupid for smoking in the first place, and once you knew your dad was on to you, why would you not get rid of the evidence? you got what you had coming to you
strtmartin 0
I bet that 90% of the people who say 'YDI for smoking in the first place.' drink alcohol Alcohol attacks the body AND inhibits brain functions far worse then tobacco. Tobacco attacks the body, I do not deny that at all, although at least a smoker can remember how many they had the night before
DameGreyWulf 1
Actually, no. Certain alcohol beverages USED IN CORRECT MODERATION actually enhance thinking ability, or help your heart... over a long period of time, though (as in, you probably won't notice the effects the next day.. or even next year). Ex: A study showed that unless you drank a glass of red wine every day for the rest of your life, there's basically no significant amount of benefits. Since it's just a glass, there's no sign of the harmful effects either, of course. The thinking ability, though, I haven't seen the information for a long time, so I can't remember how that quite works, or how it's changed since now. I can't seem to find it again... the world is clogged with the bad news instead of good news... But of course, most people don't know anything about moderation, so it's no surprise. Which makes my point rather invalid if you are assuming alcoholICS, or regularly drink alcohol in large amounts, rather than someone who has had their "hand in the cookie jar" a few times before. Also, tobacco isn't the only thing in cigarettes. I can't make a proper argument though, I will admit. I've done the research on the cigs, but not the drinks. But I can say I'm part of that assumed 10% of yours.