Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
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Top comments
slayerdme 0
Why would you even smoke in the first place? Think you're cool huh?
trilingualotaku 0
ydi for 2 reasons. 1=bad hiding spot. 2=for lying. ... have a nice day :D
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Comments (273)
Laid2Rest6661 0
Why the hell would you give him a big speech about it if you were lying? A simple "no" would have sufficed. Way to make yourself look like a complete jackass. Btw, smoking is for homos.
Bullshet 0
Today, I lied to my dad. A little while later, I was caught. FML. WTF? No sympathy here. Don't lie next time, retard.
loveyahun 0
I put things in my stuffed animals( razors, pocketknives, lighters, etc.)
brzxl 0
being overweight doesn't kill your friends, family, and strangers. neither do any of the other bad habits smokers have listed.. smoking is the only one that kills not only yourself but other people too, whether they like it or not. it's one thing to kill or harm yourself, but a whole other when you take the lives of other people in your hands. your habit is suicidal, homicidal, and downright unforgivable. does it not occur to you that there are actually people in the world who want to live to see old age? it doesn't matter if we actually make it to be 90 years old. we still want to try. just as people who exercise and eat right try to live a long, healthy life. we may very well be hit by a bus, or gunned down, or suffer a heart attack. but that's life. you try to make your life the best it can be, because we don't know when we will finally go, but there's no reason not to make all the efforts to be healthy. so when you complain about "better than thou" non-smokers, you're complaining about people who are doing all they can to make sure them and their families can have good lives. maybe you don't give a shit about your health or your life, or your friends' or family's lives. but most people do. get over it. you are the scum of humanity. the terrible health effects of smoking are well known. as are the effects of stabbing people, giving aids to people, shooting guns at people, gassing people, etc. all of these can severely harm or kill other people, many without any choice whatsoever. in my eyes, and the eyes of many others, smokers are no more than murderers.
rety1 13
hypocrasy is a bitch...
UnluckyChicka 0
YDI for being a freaking idiot and smoking.
kagexp 4
YDI but still. We have all been there I guess. Because smoking is cool and you know it.
lovergirl2 0
who the **** smokes?! you think ur so cool..… wait til u die I will laugh
wafflesgirl24 0
you should have told him the truth and should not have made yourself look like a total dick...
ximenita0731 0
cigarettes: most disgusting thing ever