By BabyG2222 - 29/09/2012 09:14 - United States - Sturgeon Bay

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML
I agree, your life sucks 28 149
You deserved it 5 187

BabyG2222 tells us more.

OP here, Okay just want to clarify some stuff first. The term "spank the ferret" is a "nice" way of putting he was jerking off. I originally wrote "jerked off" but I guess fmylife didn't like that wording and changed it to a friendly term. So, no there wasn't an actually ferret (no animal was hurt in the making of fmylife). Okay with that done now for the background story. My boyfriend at the time loved sex (like every normal guy) and liked to do the "traditional **** ending, where the guy cums on the girls face" He liked to call it Spiderman. (I'm aware doing the Spiderman is not done that way however he didn't want to splat in his hand and throw it at me, it was a modified Spiderman). Anyways, he got this "bright" idea to wake me up this way (thinking I was find it funny and sexy at the same time, which I didn't.) And for all of you who said I should have helped him out, I was sleeping, he woke me up just before and when I turned around SPLAT he shot me in the face while singing the theme song. We broke up a month later because of an unrelated issue but needless to say I was pretty mad at him but forgave him like after a day.

Top comments

saIty 17

Interesting, but do you know whats worse? Having your boyfriend wipe his cum on your forehead and whispering "Simba".

I've never heard the term "spank the ferret." I thought he spanked a ferret and it sprayed the girl.


winnerme123 8

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1- Really? So you would break up with someone because of something like that?

winnerme123 8

Well as you can tell... She didn't like it. So talk, stop, or breakup.

Yeah you implied skipping the talking and jumping straight to break up.

winnerme123 8

43- yes I did and that is my fault. I shall now go back to my hole.

Chaosaiyan 6

On a positive note you have an awesome profile picture :)

PYLrulz 17

Sounds like someone is REAL fun in bed

You would break up with someone over that?

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Not even #1 agrees with the comment anymore...

Considering the times they were posted I feel like 3 didn't even read 1's comment.

Theporcelaindoll 1

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Spank the ferret means jacking off what do you think she was referring to that he sprayed on her?....

Chocking the chicken? Spanking the farret? Beating your meat? Really?

I've never heard the term "spank the ferret." I thought he spanked a ferret and it sprayed the girl.

HAHAHA greatest comment ever lol. im only 15 and i figured out what that meant. :P

Yeah, your 15 an you can't capitalize your i and can't put an apostrophe between I and m.

#87, If you're going to nitpick on someone's grammar, make sure you're spelling correctly, too.

I'm turning 15 next week and I understood it. And I can capitalize and put an apostrophe between I and m. I feel amazing.

87, you brought this on yourself: Yeah, you're* 15 and* you can't capitalize your I* and you* can't put an apostrophe between the* I and m.

Psych101 9

87- *You're I hate it when people try to correct someone's grammar and they have mistakes of their own.

I've never heard the ferret reference, but I got the innuendo after re-reading it.

Jesus Christ. I need to read over my comments.

My comment looked like a piece of grammatical shit. I apologize for that.

I'm turning 14 next week and I understood it.

ozone9914 2

atleast you dont have a dirty mind

PhishloverA 14

#87 not to be a grammar nazi like you but it looks like you don't know how to put an apostrophe in between the u and the r and add an e

129- I already apologized. I saw how bad my comment looked.

im 21 and i understood it. is this some new game of saying your age and then saying you understood it?

FurryRocks 10

115-You're really hot I love girls with multi-colored hair

Trix_Disorder 20

It's more like "Look how young and sexually knowledgable I am! Go me!" It seems like a good idea at that age, but it comes off... A bit skanky to me. Why would you want to brag about that at 13? 14? Kids are in such a hurry to grow up.

I'm 21 and I've never heard the term spank the ferret before. I finally understood after I finished reading the fml, but at first I thought op had a pet ferret. I was like what the....oh

My son is 2 and he understood it. At least I think it's my son...

Oh my god i'm almost 18 and i understood it. AMAZING! ... -.-

*sigh* Ahhhh innocent minds. Its a nice change of pace I suppose.

Sinamoi 18

I'm Sinamoi and I am an alcoholic... wait, this isn't my AA meeting...

BeforeItWasCool 12

I do believe this made my day!

AriSwagg 9

I'm 3 years old and I understood it. (16 in baboon years.)

Wow 129, obviously you can't tell the difference between your (as in yours/ belongs to you) & you're (as in you are/ being/doing something).. They said "capitalizing your i & putting an apostrophe between the i & the m (to make I'm)...also, there's a difference between grammar nazi's & spell checkers/correctors.....the 1st gripes that the WORDS in a sentence are in correct order, comma/apostrophe,question mark, exclamation point, etc. (according to school teachings) & the 2nd gripes about SPELLING ...that's sum edjamucation u got ther!

I'm 42 and I still don't get it, but i guess that's just because I'm a mannequin... :c

Allanahjoy 7

He was correcting the 'your' when he said "your 15 an..." So he was actually right about that. How about stop trying to show off and talk down about someone when you are clearly just as wrong.

okay guys, I was just saying that i understood it. its not a big deal. I'm not writing a letter to the goddamn president. this is a website, nobody's trying to be all formal. i cud b tlkin lyke dis all da timee nd spllin lyke im on crack,, but I'm not. its nothing you need to flip out about. why is everyone so rude here?

Trix_Disorder 20

182 - Welcome to the internet; enjoy your stay.

I am a monkey with awesome facial hair and I understood it

september1395 7

144 that's the first thing I thought when I saw those comments! ....also "spank the ferret"? Dafuq...

And you can't even use the correct "you're". So you're both idiots and you have no place to correct her.

duravian 1

I've never heard that phrase either, and I'm 18... You don't spank it and it has nothing to do with a ferret lol

Ah. Okay. I'd never heard this is expression either. I imagined him...literally spanking a ferret o_o Disturbing mental image.

52- you probably didn't get it because you're a cat on LSD.

Epikouros 31

Is it called spanking the ferret because he has a small thin one? (But very agile.)

52-dafuq...OH GOD MY BRAIN *pours bleach*

saIty 17

Interesting, but do you know whats worse? Having your boyfriend wipe his cum on your forehead and whispering "Simba".

pattyshivlee 5

Has that happened to you before?

saIty 17

I actually did it to myself. I think I may have some issues.

Is that why you call yourself "salty", 27?

Sorry folks, I have to tell salty how much that comment made me laugh. A simple thumbs up wouldn't do.(:

saIty 17

Glad I could give you a chuckle. I read the simba joke somewhere but I'm not sure where. I just wanted to share it with the FML community.


wagne057 6

It was on Texts From Last Night

45- Your profile pic+ Comment= My day made.

#45 thanks for the song that will play in my head all day lol.

now that's what i call a sticky situation

Arcangel196 0

You read it from the TFLN app, it's in the top best of all time. Funny as hell :)

Isn't that called "The Lion King" on UrbanDictionary? You my friend, are awesome. And you made me laugh, and that rare on here.

Sinamoi 18

That's ok I didn't need to watch the Lion King again anyway.

alind13 2

I like you :3 nice name, comment, bio... :P i go follow you now...

I've also seen it on iFunny multiple times. Ever been there?

one11oh 2
rebel_belle1974 5

is ferret your pet name for penis?

Surprise! Next time you should give him a hand. Spidermaaaan spidermaaaan