Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML
BabyG2222 tells us more.
OP here, Okay just want to clarify some stuff first. The term "spank the ferret" is a "nice" way of putting he was jerking off. I originally wrote "jerked off" but I guess fmylife didn't like that wording and changed it to a friendly term. So, no there wasn't an actually ferret (no animal was hurt in the making of fmylife). Okay with that done now for the background story. My boyfriend at the time loved sex (like every normal guy) and liked to do the "traditional **** ending, where the guy cums on the girls face" He liked to call it Spiderman. (I'm aware doing the Spiderman is not done that way however he didn't want to splat in his hand and throw it at me, it was a modified Spiderman). Anyways, he got this "bright" idea to wake me up this way (thinking I was find it funny and sexy at the same time, which I didn't.) And for all of you who said I should have helped him out, I was sleeping, he woke me up just before and when I turned around SPLAT he shot me in the face while singing the theme song. We broke up a month later because of an unrelated issue but needless to say I was pretty mad at him but forgave him like after a day.
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Top comments
saIty 17
Interesting, but do you know whats worse? Having your boyfriend wipe his cum on your forehead and whispering "Simba".
Athleticism 11
I've never heard the term "spank the ferret." I thought he spanked a ferret and it sprayed the girl.
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Comments (218)
uniquefreak99 4
Why r u sleeping with a bf who spanks a ferret?
Sitaaboo 6
Haha talk about randomness :)
inzunza 5
Hahaha that's awesome!!
slappomatt 4
Why do people on fml always come up with new stupid phrases for sex? Is that a form of censorship?
KiddNYC1O 22
That's crazy... Did he swing from your face?!
clairedycat124 3
Sounds yummy!
Arcangel196 0
Girls complain too much
wlddog 14
Sooo... Was it the theme song she had a problem with?
Spottedfeather 7
The saying spank the money, not spank the ferret.
MuseFan1991 14
these crazy new euphemisms never fail to entertain me. for a moment i had a visual of a literal ferret being smacked