Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML
Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
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Top comments
metallica_wins 20
At least you'd make it on 1000 Ways To Die.
dantee2005 33
Well, nothing for me to say "cockcicle" says it all
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Comments (128)
AshaaFerreira 22
Ahh I love the stuff you can find at a sex shop! I personally am not into flavoured condoms( actually I hate condoms period) but I love the flavoured body paint!
iknowiwantyou 13
HAHAHA
tiarnatargaryen 23
Some people on this site are way too into sharing :/
ThatFancyPenn 18
I agree with 69 (hehe ironic) - I'm sure their parents make them feel bad enough.
sunshine41196 12
wow !! you really love strawberry flavor dont you? :D well atleast i hope your boyfriend enjoyed
perdix 31
He's probably pissed off that you weren't as enthusiastic about his naked ****. There are a lot of rubber things you can suck on that aren't attached to him and all his bullshit.
PunkySpunky78 15
Too bad there not non latex flavored condoms
Polynomial 28
Did he reward you with whip cream?
SystemofaBlink41 27
Can I least get a link to an explanation? Or is whip cream a double meaning to something dirty? You know what? Nevermind the link...
SininenAave 9
Flavoured condoms, what a brilliant way to promote ********.
MortenM 17
True. I've even read that the guy that thought of fruit flavour is the boss of the one that thought of the fishy smell
laurenasabutton 26
Am I the only one that feels a ******** loses a lot of its charm with a condom? Not like you can feel any of the lubrication the mouth provides or the tongue really.
sunshine41196 12
sunshine41196 12
#25 we are talking about flavoured condoms here! ESSENTIALLY used to mask the dick's flavour...hence dick flavour is not an option!
sunshine41196 12
ignore my previous comment :/
tiarnatargaryen 23
I suppose it depends you've been with someone long enough to trust them not to be STI-ridden
glitterkuro 18
Also some people really cannot stand semen in their mouths (either just as a preference or as extreme as throwing up as soon as it happens) so if your partner cannot control when they ejaculate and don't have time to warn you to move off, condoms can be a way of stopping that. I have a friend who is terrified of that so always uses condoms during ******** despite her bf being tested and clean. Some people just have a preference for that *shrugs*
BrotherPhil 35
Beats no *******.
awilso13 8
You... ARE AWESOME
olpally 33
Giggity for him, you, not so much. Hahaha.
mattrd_fml 31
Lol Cockcicle. I love that.