Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I...

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 203

You deserved it 19 442

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Same thing different taste

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 085

You deserved it 83 375

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 503

You deserved it 59 413

By welted - 01/01/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 208

You deserved it 4 235

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 777

You deserved it 6 794

By BlueBirdWings - 31/05/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 307

By katie - 23/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 3 833

Mood ruiner

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 836

You deserved it 1 297

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 17:15 - Belgium

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 884

You deserved it 4 882

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 924

You deserved it 74 547

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 083

You deserved it 40 020

metallica_wins 20

Monday 18 November 2013 18:58

At least you'd make it on 1000 Ways To Die.

dantee2005 33

Monday 18 November 2013 18:58

Well, nothing for me to say "cockcicle" says it all

Comments

Jeffy91 28

Tuesday 19 November 2013 6:26

Sounds like his dick is just too small to keep one on. lmao

Goblin182 26

Tuesday 19 November 2013 13:48

Or, he came and lost his erection.

Sophie_Hart 9

Tuesday 19 November 2013 15:05

Am I the only one who prefers the taste of penis more than flavoured condoms. Still taste like latex to me.

lonelyguy1995 5

Sunday 12 January 2014 16:02

The best thing I have read on the Internet today!

cappellaaa 23

Tuesday 19 November 2013 15:34

ew...

deaddonkey 15

Tuesday 19 November 2013 17:37

Instead of the flavored condoms you could try to flavored lube. Although then you might be here with an FML story about how you are pregnant.

villain1987 1

Tuesday 19 November 2013 19:17

Natural selection at work here people!

homerr123 15

Tuesday 19 November 2013 20:02

don't use condoms they are bad for health

MzZombicidal 36

Wednesday 20 November 2013 3:07

Get out.

gabagabaheyu 10

Wednesday 20 November 2013 5:00

Mmmm

TecheyTim 14

Wednesday 20 November 2013 11:39

Some women just can't deepthroat properly.

gabagabaheyu 10

Wednesday 20 November 2013 13:53

its all technique

dantee2005 33

Wednesday 20 November 2013 19:42

You seem to be expert!

mrtonyanderson 20

Thursday 21 November 2013 5:48

Awesome lol

hatemyluck 15

Friday 22 November 2013 16:21

This post makes me hungry..and ashamed.

lonelyguy1995 5

Sunday 12 January 2014 16:03

Hungry for....? oh wait never mind

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 757

You deserved it 3 575

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 413

You deserved it 2 826

The Top

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 909

You deserved it 4 033

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 837

You deserved it 2 709

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 638

You deserved it 3 055

Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 397

You deserved it 3 285

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 395

You deserved it 1 359

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 108