Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Today, finally we got our toddler daughter to sleep in her own bed. The wife and I were both excited to finally have our room to ourselves. Just as our daughter was about to fall asleep, the damn cat went into her room and loudly hacked up a huge hairball. Now she's back in mommy's and daddy's bed. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML
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Top comments
HowAreYouToday 34
Put your ****** in front of his face. He'll be terrified thinking it would want to eat him and never cross you again.
SakataGintoki 9
This means war! Get back at him. Whatever he's afraid of, shove it in his face when he's asleep so when he wakes up and has a mini heart attack!
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Comments (82)
PenguinBitch 44
"Can I have a hug?" What a sweet bear. "And your blood!" WHAT THE HELL!!?
IworkAt711 14
This actually kinda reminds me of my ex.....
Hamz1989 13
Get some person with really good makeup portraying them to be dead and when he wakes up to see a dead stranger next to him will make him flip a s***.
noelasis94 18
Hang a fake penis in front of him, and tell him the penis monster will now make frequent stops.
cheshireau 26
What a dick move. Make him tend to the baby as punishment. I'd go away for the weekend and have him deal. He won't do it again I bet
kishorekumar_a 10
No need to punish the baby too...
RedPillSucks 33
It should not be punishment for a dad to tend to their own child.
kishorekumar_a 10
68 - If he already scared the baby purposefully, imagine what he might do knowingly or unknowingly?
nvo 6
His sense of humor, his pronlem: let him sleep in her room, to guard her sleep. That should speed things up because he will get creative to wean your daughter from the habit he induced and get back to your bed. In the meantime, you can enjoy a few nights of uninterrupted sleep!
ophel1a 7
this is the best solution i've read. kudos!
SuperDanielNL 23
Being four years old sounds like a bad LSD trip.
gracehi 33
An LSD trip that lasts a year! XP
Ksweety_fml 27
You're husband is a dick head for doing that. Poor babyy! ):
asdfghjklana 9
Hopefully she won't kick you off.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Yeah sometimes adults don't realize that what they see as harmless jokes to a child can actually have long psychological consequences. My father used to prank me with dead spiders. I have now a severe arachnophobia which put me more than once in awkward if not unsafe situations and I am in my thirties. I agree with some other posters. He should handle the situation now, even if that means sleeping on the floor of her bedroom.
asdfjkl123456 13
Rude