Kids: Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked...

By Anonymous - 12/03/2014 03:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 896

You deserved it 6 117

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Same thing different taste

Who taught him

By Redbeard - 24/01/2020 05:00

Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 175

You deserved it 366

By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 197

You deserved it 4 736

By WOCOACH - 09/09/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 888

You deserved it 5 038

True

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 16:09

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 240

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 430

You deserved it 16 955

Kids talk

By SerenityJ - 27/09/2013 20:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 027

You deserved it 7 148

By BrandonDrapeau - 03/08/2015 02:57 - United States - Sparta

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 670

You deserved it 3 594

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 335

You deserved it 3 594

First amendment issue

By God please make it stop - 03/08/2023 22:00

Today, my four year-old son has reached the phase where yelling random words is funny. I can't go five minutes without hearing, "CHICKEN NUGGET!" or "KALAMAZOO!" or "STINKY SOCKS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 236

Nutshot

By Blue Nut Records - 31/10/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Delémont

Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 72

TheGreatAlexande 12

Wednesday 12 March 2014 10:40

They grow up so fast. :']

jtthegr8 26

Wednesday 12 March 2014 10:42

Not too long now before you catch him yanking his doodle. Hopefully he doesn't sing about that one.

Comments

iMadness 6

Thursday 13 March 2014 2:05

Watch him start singing "Yankee Doodle Dandy"

akballerchicity 11

Thursday 13 March 2014 4:19

Smack him in the back if his head and make him stop. American parents are way too soft.

KimchiKim 9

Thursday 13 March 2014 4:19

Well there's a story to tell at his wedding...

JD1147 27

Thursday 13 March 2014 5:18

I never knew there was a song to go with ball discovery. Feel like I've missed out on something.

NoLifeMo11 7

Thursday 13 March 2014 5:52

Why would you ask them what they are?

Mommys_losingit 2

Thursday 13 March 2014 6:52

Obviously to see what silly comment he comes up with

ResaBrad 4

Thursday 13 March 2014 8:35

Am I the only one wondering why a 3 year knows that information?..

JD1147 27

Thursday 13 March 2014 13:28

Yes

rybaby23 8

Thursday 13 March 2014 23:29

Lmao sorry OP I have a nephew that said something similar. I couldn't help but laugh til I cried haha kids can say some funny stuff.

TheMystery13 13

Thursday 13 March 2014 23:56

Look up Steve Vai - When I Was A Little Boy. Trust me.

dstluke 7

Friday 14 March 2014 6:44

Trust me, they never stop singing it no matter how old they get.

protoskore 27

Friday 14 March 2014 7:10

your fault for bringing it up

Keywords

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 728

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Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

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The Top

Today, I got a call from my parents that they have decided to get a divorce. My brothers and I just shelled out $5,000 each and spent months planning their 50th Anniversary party that was supposed to be next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 216

You deserved it 3 201

Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 644

You deserved it 4 266

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I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 88

Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 502

You deserved it 38 077

Today, I found out that my girlfriend’s friends secretly make fun of me. They call me “grandpa” and a “massive creep.” They’re in their 20s. My girlfriend is 22 and I’m 48. Apparently, dating a consenting legal adult is considered “creepy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 1 823

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he's a suicide risk due to his depression. FML

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You deserved it 3 636