Love and Work: Today, my 21 year old daughter introduced me to her new boyfriend.... - FML

By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, my 21 year old daughter introduced me to her new boyfriend. I had to call him "sir" for two reasons: he's 59 and he's my boss. FML

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Sorry…

Dementia or hate? You decide

Luck of the draw

By Hammy - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

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By Evil_Angel_90 - Australia

Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

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By Veronica - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

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By koanroak - United States - Carrollton

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

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By good mom - United States - Monterey Park

Who's the worst?

Today, despite the fact that I own my home, car and have a career, I was once again told that I’ve shamed my family by being a single mom. Meanwhile, my brother has four kids with three different women and constantly hits up every family member for money. He gets nothing but just support. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Charlton

Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML

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By TooGulible - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I was at work at an ice cream shop when a hot guy came in and started chatting me up. I got him his ice cream and as I handed it to him, he mentioned that I was cute and walked away. Then I realised he hadn't paid for the ice cream, and I didn't even get a date out of it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because a coworker had seen me reading magazines on the job. That same coworker was the one who offered me the magazine. FML

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By Catherine - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

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By Bes - Canada

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

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By LC - United States

Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

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By Charles Pennington - United States

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Berlin

Today, I excitedly told my brother I submitted a short story for a competition for the first time ever. His reply? "Congrats. I guess the first letter of rejection is a special occasion." Gee, thanks for that reality check. FML

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By Disappointed - United States

Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost. He was 14. I'm the 23 year old security guard. FML

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By Slash - United States

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

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By Missy - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight as to which one of them is the most cultured. As a result, they've begun writing my chore lists in a variety of languages. If I don't do them, I'm grounded. I only speak English. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML

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By fckdorms - United States - Columbia

Today, like every other day, my roommate's alarm began to go off at 7:30am. What time does she have to wake up? 10:00am. Why does she have her alarm go off for two and a half hours? Because last semester she needed it to go off then and she is too lazy to change it. FML

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By pokeOww

Dash!

Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

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By the_pheasant66 - Ireland

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. When I got home to show my family, my little sister said, "That's so fake!" and tore it off my face. FML

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By Angrily Paranoid - United States - Seattle

Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML

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By Cup_of___ - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Canberra

Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML

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By Btdtgts

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

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By dis_bee_leaf - Canada

Today, I sent out a text saying "Smile! You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." to most of my contacts. I got one reply, from my best friend, saying, "Are you fucking stupid?" FML

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By stay in there - 17/4/2020 23:00

Dumbasses

Today, I got a call from the local police station. Apparently, my idiot son and his equally dumb girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to have sex in the car at a park in broad daylight. They assumed no one would be there due to the quarantine. They were wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML

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By dammitRandy - United States - Kearny

Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML

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By footfood - Slovenia

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML

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By Biggie - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML

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By notaman - United States - Marion

Today, I found out my insurance company denied my claim because they had me marked down as "male" and yet also pregnant. I now have to prove to them that I'm actually a woman. FML

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By Chris - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I thought it would be funny to take an airhorn to a golf course and blow it while people were teeing off. It was very funny, until I blew the horn during some guy's backswing and his ball was shanked in my direction and hit me in the head. FML

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By moe - United States

Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2020 23:02

Don't you know that you're toxic?

Today, I found out my girlfriend talks to around 18 other men for fun. She says she loves me more, but I told her to prove it, so I took her phone and deleted the social media accounts that she made just for these men. Now I'm a "toxic controlling monster" because I don't let her chat with random men. FML

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By Sonotsuave - United States - Arlington

Today, my now ex-friend told me she had feelings for my ex and was also choosing him over our friendship, despite being fully aware of the crazy rollercoaster our relationship was and being there to hear every detail of the trauma. She classily told me at random, in a public mall. People suck. FML

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Top comments

By Eashy | 16

#7453119 - Thursday 11 May 2017 21:52

I see 3 options: 1- She is trying to get you a promotion, 2- She's a gold digger, or 3- she loves him truly.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7453169 - Thursday 11 May 2017 23:27

This feels like something out of a sitcom. "You're dating my boss?" *laugh track plays*

COMMENTS

By Eashy | 16

#7453119 - Thursday 11 May 2017 21:52

I see 3 options: 1- She is trying to get you a promotion, 2- She's a gold digger, or 3- she loves him truly.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7453131 - Thursday 11 May 2017 22:19

Looks like a big 'jobs program! I'll bet she calls him "sir," too;).

By Ainarr | 29

#7453145 - Thursday 11 May 2017 22:38

oh, how the turntables.

Reply

fearrhyno1 | 18

#7453157 - Thursday 11 May 2017 22:51

Did you mean "tables have turned?"

Reply

Isa_fml | 20

#7453189 - Friday 12 May 2017 0:35

It's a reference to the Office...

Reply

FuckFace10 | 23

#7453218 - Friday 12 May 2017 2:29

Michael!

By Cali | 54

#7453152 - Thursday 11 May 2017 22:47

Is your name Stan Smith?

Reply

vandj8 | 9

#7453246 - Friday 12 May 2017 4:59

Hayley Smith: I came over here after the party, we started talking, and... you know. And besides, he has a huge...
Stanley Smith: Penis. Haley! Damn.
Hayley Smith: I was going to say "heart" but... well, you saw his shoes.

By Xeebar | 28

#7453166 - Thursday 11 May 2017 23:13

Cali made the EXACT comment I was going to LOL

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7453169 - Thursday 11 May 2017 23:27

This feels like something out of a sitcom. "You're dating my boss?" *laugh track plays*

By pjsr | 32

#7453172 - Thursday 11 May 2017 23:41

59 and 21? If you can threaten him without jeopardizing your family's welfare, do it now. Otherwise, get a new job asap and then take care of it.

Reply

TaoShaman | 24

#7453187 - Friday 12 May 2017 0:31

Take care of what? She's an adult. There's nothing anyone can do unless she lives at home. And threatening people never solves anything.

By lukcy_basartd | 11

#7453204 - Friday 12 May 2017 1:24

Too fuckin weird man, don't let him push you around at work and you might consider other employment options. Best of luck to you.

By CantTouchThat | 27

#7453220 - Friday 12 May 2017 2:41

That can be straight up sexual harassment of a family member. You should turn him into HR and take his job instead!! Or you could play out a Horrible Bosses scenario and turn them against each other. Either or. Good luck!!

By fireblazes | 9

#7453477 - Friday 12 May 2017 14:48

Bullsh!t. He's a creep,report him to HR.