Work: Today, I work for a boss who does everything he can to singlehandedly... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 121

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 605

22/01/2009 12:45

Today, I work for a boss who does everything he can to singlehandedly ruin our company and drive us into the ground. I just got an e-mail from him saying I need to be a more positive and energetic role-model for our team. Pot… meet Kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 260

You deserved it 2 437

Age difference

Broken heart

Hiding from the drama

Who are you?

By forgotten - 02/10/2009 07:46

Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as, "Some weirdo had walked into her house." I'm that weirdo; she wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 416

You deserved it 2 816

24/05/2016 03:41

Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 144

You deserved it 735

14/09/2012 16:51

Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 071

You deserved it 2 375

Oh shit

By das_shizzle - 30/09/2020 23:02

Today, as I was getting ready to go to class, I accidentally stepped in dog poop. I was in a hurry, so I scraped it off as best as I could. When I go to class, I noticed it smelled. The girl behind me noticed and said, "Mmmmm, smells like food in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 92

25/01/2016 01:04

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 633

You deserved it 1 540

29/07/2012 04:25

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 089

You deserved it 3 829

03/01/2010 00:35

Today, I got home to find my entire video game collection and all my consoles had been stolen. Two weeks ago I brought them back from my University accommodation, specifically to stop them from being stolen while I was at home for the Christmas holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 522

You deserved it 2 534

3spooky5me

By Anonymous - 10/09/2018 13:00

Today, I stayed the night at a friend's house for the first time. I went to get water from the kitchen when I saw a cat staring at me. I looked back and it ran off. I told my friend about it. He doesn’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 216

12/02/2010 05:03

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating is heavily into a mystical card game and spends all of his money going to "Magic" card conventions across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 090

You deserved it 28 676

24/06/2011 23:58

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 959

You deserved it 3 233

19/10/2011 19:36

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me when I was leaving and said, "Have a nice... week!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 982

You deserved it 5 137

Great prank ideas #47

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 23:01

Today, I went to a baseball game with my wife. During intermission, the kiss cam chose my wife and me. So, what do you expect, I kissed her, but she decided to slap me and pretend she didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 139

Busted

By katara - 02/07/2010 23:53

Today, I was relaxing on the couch after a long day with my annoying aunt when I heard my sister come in from the garage. I loudly asked, "Do you think Aunt Stacy knows everybody doesn't like her?" It wasn't my sister. It was my aunt returning my purse I had left in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 977

You deserved it 57 370

18/10/2009 11:30

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 064

You deserved it 37 114

12/09/2012 02:35

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 659

You deserved it 28 637

Meltdown

By hey Siri save me! - 15/07/2021 04:01

Today, like most days, my mom screamed at me for not knowing the answer to one of her random questions. When I told her she could easily Google it or ask Siri, she went full nuclear meltdown and raged, "I’m not asking that bitch Siri, I’m asking YOU!" The words "batshit crazy" come to mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 81

09/02/2010 17:53

Today, I found out why my five-year-old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 493

You deserved it 3 666

15/11/2008 03:27

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 036

You deserved it 14 961

05/08/2011 19:06

Today, even though I made the point of tanning naked, I still got tan lines thanks to my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 043

You deserved it 45 346

28/10/2014 18:04

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 515

You deserved it 4 684

26/05/2015 06:54

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 196

You deserved it 51 354

Denial

By TedX - 19/08/2020 20:07

Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 206

Social distancing gone wrong

By bananapie69 - 10/04/2020 20:00

Today, waiting in the deli line at the store, a woman stood directly next to me. I panicked and tried to move back to get a 6-foot distance, but in my panic I didn’t realize there was a stand behind me. I almost fell over, so I gasped super loud. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 682

07/12/2012 05:46

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 972

You deserved it 4 834

20/02/2009 18:42

Today, I found a note in my locker from a really hot guy asking me to prom. I went up to him saying how excited I was to go. He said "Oh you got the note?" and slipped it into the locker next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 210

You deserved it 2 604

Creepypasta

By QuinnyZebrass - 02/04/2013 04:11

Spicy

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 719

You deserved it 3 407

02/12/2013 21:15

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 054

You deserved it 3 529

26/09/2012 01:48

Spicy

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 313

You deserved it 3 329

18/01/2016 01:48

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 102

You deserved it 1 610

17/04/2012 04:26

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 622

You deserved it 2 213

17/10/2014 01:27

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 294

You deserved it 7 093

Overreaction much?

By owngoalscored - 22/09/2018 22:00

Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 635

You deserved it 309

04/01/2011 19:34

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 413

You deserved it 6 252

14/01/2011 02:38

Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 862

You deserved it 7 850

20/10/2011 16:44

Today, I have an ear infection, and everything I hear echoes inside my head. I'm an orchestra teacher, and we have our first concert next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 878

You deserved it 2 572

29/08/2016 10:26

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 358

You deserved it 2 047

10/01/2010 09:14

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 353

You deserved it 29 605

04/07/2016 07:19

Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 064

You deserved it 923

22/08/2011 15:58

Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 733

You deserved it 5 089

31/08/2015 21:46

Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 1 913

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rxxk 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 2:12

You don't work for a Pennsylvanian branch of a mid-sized paper supply company based in New York City by an chance, do you?

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Thursday 16 September 2010 16:11

"the pot calling the kettle black" or as the OP put it "pot meet kettle" is basically calling someone a hypocrite. the boss is trying to bring the company down but then gets mad at his/her employees for not doing a good job, when in fact it is the boss' fault nothing is done right.

Comments

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Wednesday 11 February 2009 21:07

Did i just write this?

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Friday 13 March 2009 14:39

nice metaphor

rxxk 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 2:12

You don't work for a Pennsylvanian branch of a mid-sized paper supply company based in New York City by an chance, do you?

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Monday 30 March 2009 4:53

damn you number 6 you bet me too it

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Monday 3 December 2012 13:15

to*

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Tuesday 5 August 2014 3:50

beat*

SadSaggySinglGay 0

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Sunday 5 April 2009 11:07

OMG Nice to meet you! I didn't know we both work for the same company!

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Tuesday 7 July 2009 4:16

Pot meet kettle???

LikeOhMahGoose 0

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Sunday 26 July 2009 10:14

You're retarded.

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Thursday 17 June 2010 6:42

then apparently so am I I don't know what it means what does it mean

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Thursday 16 September 2010 16:11

"the pot calling the kettle black" or as the OP put it "pot meet kettle" is basically calling someone a hypocrite. the boss is trying to bring the company down but then gets mad at his/her employees for not doing a good job, when in fact it is the boss' fault nothing is done right.

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Saturday 12 April 2014 4:08

Thank you, I didn't fully understand it either. But what I want to know is; why are most bosses just complete and utter douchebags?

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Tuesday 14 July 2009 12:07

haha, fyl

Hockeylover87_71 0

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Thursday 20 August 2009 23:39

wow, that made a lot of sense...someone care to explain it? what does a pot and a keyless gave to do with a job and a role model? geez.

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Sunday 4 November 2012 19:44

The pot (boss) is calling the kettle (OP) black. Otherwise put, the boss is punishing OP for doing something that he does himself on a regular basis, ie: boss is a hypocrite.

Hockeylover87_71 0

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Thursday 20 August 2009 23:41

spell check messed up my comment, that was supposed to say "what does a pot and a kettle have to do with a job and a role model"

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Friday 27 May 2011 8:02

seriously...wow

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Wednesday 9 September 2009 19:37

There's a phrase. Pot calling the kettle black. It basically means hypocrite