Kids: Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on...

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 190

You deserved it 3 223

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Freakout

By Anonymous - 09/05/2014 22:03 - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 316

You deserved it 4 313

By jessefonsexy. - 07/12/2010 11:08 - United States

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 136

You deserved it 2 769

By thisisbad - 12/10/2009 14:21 - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 990

You deserved it 2 781

By thanksbro - 28/09/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 835

You deserved it 20 566

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 535

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 936

You deserved it 2 839

By FullMonty - 15/09/2012 23:26 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 058

You deserved it 3 980

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 733

Jump scare

By soonaked - 30/01/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 266

You deserved it 5 960

By animelover - 25/07/2010 23:21 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 679

You deserved it 10 819

ohhhsnapple 14

Thursday 7 August 2014 10:47

Quite the role model! Pee in his shampoo. XD

kfamazing 10

Thursday 7 August 2014 10:51

You better watch out! Looks like urine trouble.

Comments

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Friday 8 August 2014 1:06

Your brother nasty!

Nekro13 8

Friday 8 August 2014 1:38

I hope you screamed bloody murder and woke up your parents. I'd like to see him try to explain THAT away.

msunique_me 13

Friday 8 August 2014 2:20

17 yrs? Rather immature of him I'd say!!

davo_ib_local 14

Saturday 9 August 2014 19:52

Who IS mature at 17 genius? hahaha

nikko0328 9

Friday 8 August 2014 5:11

tape him down while sleeping and pour iced water on him.

nrwl_30 17

Friday 8 August 2014 8:27

Throw his phone in the toilet..then piss on it... "That'll learn ya!" lol

iAshelle 11

Friday 8 August 2014 10:03

Wtf. I'm sorry OP :/

LRSandTJB412 8

Tuesday 9 September 2014 9:30

I wonder what you did to provoke that?

fantasyworld 37

Friday 26 December 2014 16:28

Rub his face in it.

bleedingglitter 24

Thursday 23 April 2015 10:36

Boys are just noise covered in dirt with the ability to pee anywhere. I have 5 brothers and I feel your pain.

Exaspera 54

Monday 8 May 2017 23:23

He should know better at his age.

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The Top

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 276

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 853

You deserved it 7 893

The Top

Today, I learned that you can be qualified for a position, be a nice person and enthusiastic about working, but as soon as the boss has a relative looking for a job, nepotism wins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 428

You deserved it 2 789

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 839

You deserved it 6 155

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 779

You deserved it 5 321

Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 128

You deserved it 3 913

Today, I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test, where you put down your skills, experience and education level and then it finds you jobs based on your abilities and areas of knowledge. No lie, the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 492

You deserved it 6 148

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week, I feel well enough to eat something that isn't cheerios, a bagel, or crackers. I woke up 2 hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 225

You deserved it 270