Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML
Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML
Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML
Today, I opened the bathroom door without knocking and walked in on my wife’s sister (who lives with us) showering naked. Seeing her perfect, drenched body turned me on. I'm now unable to get an erection with my wife, because I can’t remember the last time her body looked like that. I feel awful. FML
Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML
Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, I am a silly man who thought I could still get in and out of the bath at 76 years-old, even though I have only had showers for the past 15 years. So, when I got stuck in the bath, I had to call my poor wife to come and help my naked ass stand up, and yes, she asked me to write this for laughs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML
Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML
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Top comments
maiden_girl 5
Wow.... that really did just go from MILF to GILF... lol.
podrummer9209 0
Yeah dude. Wait til you hit three years and the holes in the middle of CDs make you start wishing your dick was smaller.
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Comments (86)
podrummer9209 0
Yeah dude. Wait til you hit three years and the holes in the middle of CDs make you start wishing your dick was smaller.
Clanesda 14
Or bigger
xsydbabyx 0
FAIL.
harmlessly_mean 0
I am a guy who has never masturbated ever ima good guy who has a life with a busy hand never masturbated I swear
BootheGhost 6
"Guy that never masturbates." Those exist..?
thefmlman2011 37
Apparently
harmlessly_mean 0
I am a guy who has never masturbated ever ima good guy who has a life with a busy hand never masturbated I swear
harmlessly_mean 0
I am a guy who has never masturbated ever ima good guy who has a life with a busy hand never masturbated I swear
giffinator 0
You're sexually attracted to that?
Emmett_Luver_101 0
*tries to lkeep a straight face* well was she pretty? i mean her dentures had to be very white to-- *bursts out laughing*
Fml37 0
Either get a girl or start masturbating
24788 7
lol, that's pretty messed up.
black_barbie10 0
ewwww hahah