Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my wife's parents came over, insisting they saw me at the bar at 1:30 p.m., talked to me, and that I left with another woman. I was at work all day. I have no idea what they are talking about, I've never done this. My wife doesn't believe me. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with coworkers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and my mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML
Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML
Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML
Today, my wife lied to me three times, saying she was at work but in reality she was home the whole day. Every time I ask her about it, she says she's not in the mood to talk. And says a lot of "I don't knows…" Almost like she has something to hide. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Ydi for lying
glutgyoogle 6
Fail. You better hope she's a forgiving person otherwise I'd get used to sleeping alone. YDI
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Comments (169)
hateevryone 15
Don't Lie!!!
Djasso19 3
haha that's why you don't lie to ur spouse ydi
Mademoiselle_fml 34
And that's why you don't lie.
FML_a_Must 7
You see it's men like you that make girls ask so many questions and feel like you're hiding something! Just be honest, also if you feel the need to hide something because the person will have a bad reaction or be upset then it's pretty clear that it's wrong. YDI
Blue329 15
Shouldn't have lied dipshit
maryd195 0
This is why you don't lie to your wife. WE ALWAYS FIND OUT.
mike307 11
Don't lie to your wife, not cool.
charvisioku 22
Why would you lie about that? If you can't even tell her you're having a drink with some mates, I don't think your marriage is going to work out to be honest... why do these people even bother getting married?
f_ourlives2013 7
D-bagggggg
343guiltyspark_fml 11
my best advice is to curl up in a ball, and cry softly to yourself.