Love: Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30... - FML

By Kewl_Kat - 24/07/2014 23:24 - United States - Townshend

Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 769

You deserved it 14 427

Kewl_Kat tells us more.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 1:50

UPDATE: We cleared it up, and are currently planning a second date. Turns out she wasn't feeling well. It all ended up working out c:

Healthcare is broken

Show me where it hurts

Renters' rights

By badsitter - 05/04/2018 19:00

Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 195

You deserved it 292

By raquel - 17/07/2015 16:40 - United States

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 058

You deserved it 10 124

By oreoblizzard619 - 25/09/2012 12:13 - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 485

You deserved it 3 167

By rosie21030 - 24/07/2017 10:33 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I was the bridesmaid for my dad and my stepmum's wedding. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped and fell over my high heels, hit my head on the armrest of a wooden chair on the way down, and passed out. I now have a concussion and a broken ankle. The wedding went on without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 940

You deserved it 737

By Anonymous - 11/04/2012 03:49 - United States - Moreland

Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 610

You deserved it 2 058

By tumblrinas_at_work - 02/05/2015 08:04 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 705

You deserved it 2 950

Bonjour!

By Joshua Sheldon - 19/09/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 187

You deserved it 8 501

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 19:28 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 691

You deserved it 5 127

By Anonymous - 20/08/2019 00:01

Today, my daughter asked me to join the Army so that she wouldn't have to see me anymore. She's four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 707

You deserved it 208

They grow up so fast these days

By Greg - 08/06/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, my 6-year-old nephew told me that he wanted to grow up already, so that he could smoke, drink and, "fuck like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 118

New Man

By Hrothebert - 20/03/2021 02:00

Today, my widowed mother told me she's been seeing a guy for the last 5 months. No problem. But now she insists on calling him, "New Daddy." I'm 37 and she lives across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 67

By lovefool - 12/01/2011 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me by text. It's also the day that the birthday present I ordered for him was finally processed and shipped, meaning I can't cancel and get my money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 615

You deserved it 2 824

By friendless - 03/12/2009 06:12 - Canada

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 527

You deserved it 3 786

By IhateThem - 14/05/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 989

You deserved it 4 693

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 01:34 - United States - Springville

Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 614

You deserved it 2 056

By STIdiot - 17/10/2011 12:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's jaw was swollen due to him not taking care of a cracked tooth. He's convinced it was actually caused by an STD, and accused me of giving it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 601

You deserved it 3 661

By Anonymous - 20/12/2015 10:19 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, after quitting my job to take a very attractive position with a competitor, I was told the position was no longer being offered. I'm now on my way to file for unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 489

You deserved it 4 259

By iamchazzi - 01/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Madison

Today, I found out that my mom uses my Facebook account more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 474

You deserved it 558

By Anonymous - 18/05/2013 19:27 - Mexico - Celaya

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 347

You deserved it 5 088

By oldschool - 23/01/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 352

You deserved it 28 816

By Anonymous - 23/09/2011 22:24 - Germany

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 672

You deserved it 4 955

By last night king - 28/05/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 2 824

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 051

You deserved it 33 195

By Anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I texted her and I would never talk to her again. But I accidentally sent it to my other best friend, who responded, "I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out". My two best friends cheated with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 241

You deserved it 4 734

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 08:25 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 038

You deserved it 7 955

By marriedtoacunt - 19/10/2012 18:27 - United Kingdom - London

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 011

You deserved it 5 764

Missing the point

By Unclean - 12/03/2020 18:58

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 6 months because I told him I loved him. Not because he felt any different than I did, but because the term "love" should be reserved for God, and not be said to mortals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 238

No good deed…

By oops - 04/12/2009 17:23 - United States

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 738

You deserved it 36 284

Perfect timing...

By modprobs - 03/08/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in months because we live in different countries, is coming to stay with me. I've been the picture of health for months, but today I woke up with my period, a terrible cold, and tooth pain from that root canal my dentist told me I didn't need a few years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 661

You deserved it 269

By wowohwow - 23/06/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I got all dressed up to go on a date with a guy. Upon getting to my house to pick me up, he told me he'd forgot to put on mascara, and asked if he could borrow some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 095

You deserved it 6 134

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 14:00

Today, I spent 4 hours making a cheesecake for my brother's girlfriend, which she begged me for a week to make. After my oven breaking and having to buy a new hand mixer, she tells me she's not going to eat it because this morning she decided to try being a vegan because, "it sounds interesting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 183

By thisblows - 16/03/2011 16:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 680

You deserved it 8 715

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 15:51 - United States - South Sioux City

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 7 624

By Anonymous - 27/07/2015 12:58 - United States - Newtown Square

Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 977

You deserved it 2 220

By artiemilano - 15/10/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 947

You deserved it 3 533

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 23:54 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 068

You deserved it 3 741

By grossedout - 01/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 974

You deserved it 3 705

By aineroo - 05/11/2014 21:25 - Ireland - Galway

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 583

You deserved it 3 897

By joolsie - 13/04/2012 13:11 - United Kingdom - York

Spicy

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 227

You deserved it 31 870

By bevo - 26/08/2010 02:09 - Australia

Today, my date and I went to the movies. After the date, we were both on an instant chat room at our homes. Her personal message displayed "I think I love my ex again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 557

You deserved it 3 025

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:22

Must have been a long pee..

Khione 12

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:24

You could've told her you went to the bathroom too :D!

Comments

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:22

Must have been a long pee..

tucansamTommyG 12

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:45

Or a really, really big toilet clogging poop.

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Friday 25 July 2014 12:37

That is probably the OP from an earlier post. The one where they got fired for ten minute bathroom breaks. Seems someone really needs more fiber in their diet.

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Friday 25 July 2014 16:26

Lmao

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Friday 25 July 2014 22:20

powdering her nose??

Friday 25 July 2014 10:23

You shoud atleast have checked the bathroom!

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:35

That's not a good idea. They're most likely in a restaurant, which separates female and male restrooms.

VeganVampyre 26

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Friday 25 July 2014 13:33

That could still be really awkward. She would probably feel really embarrassed if a waitress came in saying her date was wondering if she was okay because she was in the washroom for half an hour.

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Friday 25 July 2014 16:50

Quite, she could have been washing extra thoroughly in preparation for a night of wild sex.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Saturday 26 July 2014 4:29

This FML isn't gender specific, so technically OP possibly could have...

Brandi_Faith 33

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Sunday 27 July 2014 6:49

I agree with 23, I think I would've asked a waitress to check on his date just in case she was really sick in there. She could've been puking or fainted. Yes it may be awkward for the date, but all she would need to say is that she's fine and would be out in a minute.

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Friday 28 November 2014 1:37

+69 B)

Khione 12

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:24

You could've told her you went to the bathroom too :D!

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:36

Or maybe said that he left his wallet in the car and went to go get it.

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:24

Bruh, should've texted her

MrPottsWithTwoTs 13

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:24

Hard call to make

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Friday 25 July 2014 11:15

Hard dump to make

shortvirgo13 7

Friday 25 July 2014 10:26

When it's more than 5 mins, it's a number 2.

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Friday 25 July 2014 11:05

Unless she was wearing leather pants and talking about dinosaurs excessively.

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Friday 25 July 2014 12:00

20 minutes must be a number 5 then 0.o

Project71 16

Friday 25 July 2014 14:31

I call it chapter 2

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Friday 25 July 2014 18:29

Some girls stand and redo their makeup for at least 10 minutes every time they go to the toilets. I see it way too often.

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Saturday 26 July 2014 0:59

^And then they have to take the perfect bathroom selfie

tzemmy 25

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Saturday 26 July 2014 4:26

FRIENDS refrence yesss

Brandi_Faith 33

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Sunday 27 July 2014 6:51

...And then she could've put lotion all over her legs and then powder which makes a sort of paste preventing the leather pants from going up. It happens.

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:26

Then what happened? This needs a follow-up.

PenguinBitch 43

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:27

First she gets fired from her job because she takes 10+ minute dumps and now this...

onanknovotna 10

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:27

Not pee but poop hahaha

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:28

After 10 minutes, you check the bathroom, or you inquire if they're OK. After 20 minutes (let alone 30 min ) OP was right to leave. I would have done the same thing.

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Friday 25 July 2014 10:56

How would he check when there are separate male and female facilities?

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Friday 25 July 2014 12:11

#18 He could ask a worker or a female diner to check. He could also crack the door without looking and yell in. But really he should have just texted her.

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Friday 25 July 2014 13:21

Why would you leave after 20 minutes, if after 10 minutes you had confirmed the status of your date? Your logic is flawed.

bravesgirl55 11

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Friday 25 July 2014 17:03

#38, he waited 20 minutes and left. Then, 10 minutes after he left, she called him.

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Friday 25 July 2014 17:04

38 dont be dumb, they obviously meant if she wasnt in the bathrooms at the 10 minute mark..

illegalbeagle69 23

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Friday 25 July 2014 19:41

#62 If they weren't in the bathroom after 10 minutes, why would you wait to leave until 20 minutes?

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Monday 28 July 2014 1:27

He meant to check the bathroom after 10 minutes. Or don't check the bathroom and just wait at the table for 20 minutes.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 59

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 256