Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog got out and ran off at 8 p.m., so I had 11 friends and family looking in the freezing cold night for it until 11:30 p.m. Turns out, the dog was locked in the garage the whole time. FML
Today, I was going for a relaxing walk but my dog broke free from his leash. At the same time, my 80 year-old neighbor was leaving her apartment. My dog ran inside her home and she screamed. I ended up in her bedroom, running around her bed, chasing my dog who was trying to get at her pantyhose. FML
Today, I managed to lock myself out of my house again. My only option was crawling through the dog door. I managed it once before, but I must've put on weight because this time I got stuck halfway. My neighbour came over to “see if everything was OK.” He then helped push me through. FML
Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10°C out. FML
Today, I locked myself out while taking the trash downstairs. I was wearing pajamas, slippers, and a winter coat over nothing else. My neighbor offered to help, then spent ten minutes trying not to laugh while I explained that my keys were sitting on the kitchen counter. FML
Today, at 2:30 a.m. I got locked out of my room. I knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key. Instead, I woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me, so I hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML
Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, my 4-month-old puppy made a break for it as soon as I opened the front door. I had to run after her barefoot, in just my dressing gown. It was raining. I fell over, forgot to break my fall and skidded along the unsurfaced road. She came back on her own while I was was laid on the floor. FML
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Top comments
ragnarok1540 39
I'm more concerned that the dog was kept outside if it was truly cold enough to freeze to death ...
bluejello2001 18
I'm guessing you'll be hiding a spare key from now on? I'll never understand why people don't have a key they can access "just in case." My family used to keep one in the shed, in a toolbox. Hidden, but easy to get to if needed. And if it's that freaking cold, maybe take your dog inside too, yeah?
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Comments (37)
DanielleinDC 34
Next time, make sure you have your key with you before you go. And if it's that cold, your dog should not be outside for hours on end. Put your dog inside.
ThrottleJockey 36
I hope it wasn't a chihuahua.
Donut_Wizard 23
I'm sure the dog was thrilled to have the company.
chessu 21
I mean yeah sucks to be you, but I am sure there must've been some sort of civilisation or a passerby who you could've gone for help, whether for warmth or to borrow the phone to ring your wife.
BeachMammal 8
I suppose that was as good an excuse as any when she caught you.;)
lolapears 2
You could've just kept running.
GhostFox 34
That doesn't actually stave off hypothermia in the long run. Not only would OP burn more calories running than staying still to preserve heat in a shelter, but the sweat would result in their temperature dropping even faster. They could also wind up dehydrated from it, which is a really bad combination with any kind of temperature irregularity.
davecross 11
You better watch out or your dog is going to sue you for breaking and entering and sexual assault.
tarabella 7
i think this should really be your wifes FML because there is no way she didn't piss herself laughing when she found you
Matthew Irmen 11
You deserved it. If it is cold enough for you to freeze to death then why is your dog outside for you to spoon? Obviously, you might have considered exercising yourself and your dog to an unlocked heated home with a phone to call your wife
tounces7 28
So, nobody considered the possibility he may have been jogging WITH The dog? People do that, you know.
DanielleinDC 34
Fair enough. That didn't occur to me. But he still deserves it for not making sure he had his key before he left.