Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our... - FML

By denied - 26/3/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

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Understandable

Age ain't nothing but a number

Compassion

By Anonymous - 11/7/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

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By moresexperience - 11/9/2009 12:26 - United States

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. Everything was going fine until my mom asked aloud "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied "No." I was painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

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By fredfredburger - 25/6/2014 17:45 - United States - Imperial

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2015 04:38 - United States - Harrison

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

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By xerrika - 3/6/2014 11:56 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

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By Silver_Samurai - 9/2/2012 03:24 - Netherlands

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

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By Lazyuser2849 - 1/6/2016 05:02 - United States - Arlington

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. To this, she said, "You need to meet more people."FML

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By s3xygrandpa - 6/11/2013 19:09 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

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By lunarclips - 27/6/2016 14:08 - Canada - Brandon

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 14:19 - Australia - Applecross

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

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By uetlqdja - 21/5/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

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By ThankYou! - 22/12/2015 05:50 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML

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By OhGodWhy - 29/12/2016 23:30 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

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By LilyL - 6/6/2010 21:53 - United States

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

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By pumpkinbutt - 17/1/2010 21:08 - France

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 14:00

Hmmm, nutritious!

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2015 20:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 06:21 - Canada

Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend and myself, he asked me how would I feel about his mom moving in together with us. FML

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By Master Debater - 1/2/2013 11:05 - Australia

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 23:12 - Canada

Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML

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By kkt - 25/4/2013 04:54 - United States - Granbury

Today, my 15-year-old brother got busted for selling pills at school. The officer said they were reddish pink, so we searched the house for that kind of pill. Turns out it was my dog's medicine from over 4 years ago. FML

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By dancer, not a hooker... - 5/5/2013 05:01 - Canada - Penticton

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

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By eenkoekje - 13/5/2011 07:20

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

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By dealtit - 30/7/2014 03:49 - United States - Toccoa

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of class. Thinking I got away with it, I just kept doing my work until some kid across the room says, "I could have done better." FML

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By leve80paladin - 25/10/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention, and have asked me to go to rehab. What they want me to go to rehab for? World of Warcraft. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2014 19:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

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By filipkm - 6/5/2016 14:37 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

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By systeminitiated - 2/5/2009 04:55 - Canada

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

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By ADH2000 - 9/3/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

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By nsJ - 15/7/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 11:37 - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

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By merchgirl - 14/11/2016 10:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, my mother-in-law scheduled her neck surgery for the same day our baby is being born. She also fully expects my husband to drive her to the hospital and stay for her recovery. Uh, yeah no. FML

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By Hahamaster333 - 28/3/2013 01:02

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

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By Aether - 3/5/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

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By Alexis - 15/11/2017 23:00 - United States

Classy.

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

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By scarlet5000 - 26/9/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2011 09:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell over a wet floor sign warning you not to fall over. The irony hurt more than the fall. FML

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By bargainshopper - 16/10/2012 11:28 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

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By streeted - 18/9/2010 14:27 - United States

Today, after selling some furniture and jewelry to make the rent this month, I woke up to find a foreclosure notice. The landlord hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months, so I'm evicted anyway. FML

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Top comments

By puffingdragons | 0

#62136 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:55

Sounds like something off a nickelodeon/Disney T.V. Show. And if its true, I've always wondered how guys ask out a girl they supposedly like and are embarrassed to be seen with them in public.

By ohreally123 | 0

#62164 - Friday 27 March 2009 10:13

He's probably just shy and doesn't want everyone to know just yet.
I mean, he was walking down the hall with you, so it's not like he's uncomfortable with being around you in public.

Comments

By jadedinjuly | 0

#62126 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:52

aww lol that's terrible

Reply

MrsDruidess | 23

#5828010 - Wednesday 15 January 2014 9:10

that is horrible, I hope you dumped him

By puffingdragons | 0

#62136 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:55

Sounds like something off a nickelodeon/Disney T.V. Show. And if its true, I've always wondered how guys ask out a girl they supposedly like and are embarrassed to be seen with them in public.

Reply

chaos753159 | 4

#795302 - Sunday 24 January 2010 10:14

i think it was on George Lopez (nick at night)

Reply

mrshatch21 | 0

#2074136 - Saturday 12 February 2011 10:38

it's so they can cheat. if they both think that no one can know then they won't tell anyone so he is covered. one of my many tactics with the ladies back in my teen years. think about it.

Reply

chaimuffin_fml | 0

#2531387 - Thursday 19 May 2011 2:23

my first boyfriend who was a total pussy did that. Bitch.

Reply

chaimuffin_fml | 0

#2531395 - Thursday 19 May 2011 2:27

my first boyfriend who was a total pussy did that. Bitch.

Reply

theaaxis | 27

#6410850 - Monday 14 September 2015 22:14

Because they are far too immature and insecure to make decisions about their life without trembling about what every last person thinks of them.

By Lolrus | 0

#62140 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:56

Ouch. That sucks.

By mf_fml | 0

#62142 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:57

if i were you:
"then good luck gettin' your dick sucked. peace!"

Reply

domolovesyoshi | 33

#5941185 - Sunday 11 May 2014 6:44

oh totally

By killface_fml | 0

#62147 - Friday 27 March 2009 9:59

Sounds like you should find someone who would like to be seen with you in public. Makes dating easier.

By Jimboom | 11

#62155 - Friday 27 March 2009 10:04

Lol @ #4

But yea, if he cares more about what other people thing than what you think then tell him to go f**k himself..... unless you are particularly fugly in which case just be happy that someone is hitting that.

Reply

mrshatch21 | 0

#2074138 - Saturday 12 February 2011 10:40

you dick.

Reply

domolovesyoshi | 33

#5941187 - Sunday 11 May 2014 6:45

beauty is in the eye of the beholden.

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#62160 - Friday 27 March 2009 10:10

you choose an insensitive brat as boyfriend, your fault

By ohreally123 | 0

#62164 - Friday 27 March 2009 10:13

He's probably just shy and doesn't want everyone to know just yet.
I mean, he was walking down the hall with you, so it's not like he's uncomfortable with being around you in public.

By r0flc0pter | 0

#62172 - Friday 27 March 2009 10:26

i agree with #8

By ladyledlove | 0

#62175 - Friday 27 March 2009 10:33

Epic fail boys and girls!!!