Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten... - FML

By OverWorked1 - 20/1/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten minutes later, I went to my sent e-mails to copy and reuse an old e-mail and realized I had sent "I tried calling you but your birth control is not working" to a student. It was supposed to say "voicemail". FML

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Proactive

Nice neighborhood

The student becomes the master

By Noname - 16/1/2009 17:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2011 04:26 - New Zealand

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

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By kady - 4/1/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

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By ClaustrophobicNightmares - 28/3/2014 08:42 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I was stuck in the elevator for almost two hours. Where was the elevator mechanic? Next to me in the elevator. FML

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By clop clop clopping all the way - 20/6/2013 21:13 - United States

Today, a guy's car broke down in my street, so I helped him push it into my driveway, checked his car out, and gave it a jump start. He thanked me, then as he went to pull out, he instead smashed straight into my car. FML

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By Dezzmond68 - 15/9/2016 20:26 - Canada - Aylmer

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

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By anonymous - 24/5/2016 03:41 - United States - Manchester

Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML

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By MoneyMike - 12/3/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

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By boop snoop - 1/9/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, the power at work was out. This would be fine, if they didn’t make me stay for another hour to wait for it to come back on in the Texas heat. FML

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By noodlesandmilk - 13/12/2015 14:10 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my step-brother went grocery shopping alone for the first time. He came home with Ramen and 14 bottles of chocolate milk, which will expire by the 20th. My step-dad is insisting we eat it so it doesn't go to waste. FML

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By raven_teen_titan - 4/3/2012 05:51 - United States

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

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By lonely - 15/7/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 02:45 - United States

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

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By lateralligator - 12/12/2014 16:35 - Canada - Whitchurch-stouffville

Today, I took out my old hairdryer and turned it on. I then gave my roommate a show as I ran out of the bathroom, naked and screaming, after a spider was blasted out of the hairdryer and directly at my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2013 21:57 - Egypt

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

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By like - 14/3/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

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By Noname - 17/3/2009 10:16 - United States

Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML

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By embarrassedmom - 18/5/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

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By DeeElleGee - 14/11/2009 00:09 - Canada

Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2010 11:58 - New Zealand

Today, at the supermarket, I ignored the "Riding on trolleys down the ramp is strictly prohibited" sign. While going full speed down the ramp, my trolley with $200 worth of groceries in it tipped and crashed. Luckily, I broke its fall. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, after coming home from hanging out with a few friends, my mom told me that I shouldn't hang out with them any more. Why? Because "they are way hotter than I am and I'll never get a boyfriend if I'm always the ugly one in my group." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2013 16:47 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

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By microlovin - 28/7/2013 07:45 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

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By John - 19/11/2011 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML

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By Pissed - 15/10/2012 19:57 - United States - Newton Center

Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML

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By Moon_Glade - 3/6/2017 16:00

Today, at work, I have discovered the wonderful feeling of having a paper cut, with metal, under your nail, on all your nails. FML

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By kernelkat - 6/11/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2010 19:01 - United States

Today, I visited my family for spring break because I've been away at college and I haven't seen them since Christmas. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my mom had me clean the living room area, clean up cat vomit, and do the dishes. Thanks guys... I missed you too. FML

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By UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh - 9/2/2013 17:21 - Kenya

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

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By DesDri - 20/6/2009 07:37 - Canada

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

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By Noname - 23/2/2009 04:50 - United States

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

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By ohsnap - 22/1/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

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By - 11/12/2018 22:00

Today I saw a picture of my ex giving her new boyfriend an extremely familiar ring. Upon zooming in, I realized that it was the engagement ring i gave her that she claimed to have had stolen from her home... FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2013 02:56 - United States - New York

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

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By Itsbeen8years - 5/4/2015 19:18 - Slovakia - Stupava

Today, I found my first bra and tried it on. It still fits. FML

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By pandaboo - 29/7/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, my neighbor and I learned why fireworks are illegal in city limits. This lesson was learned shortly after a roman candle came crashing through my second story window. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2013 22:30 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML

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Top comments

By fadingaway | 17

#1988172 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:11

Okay, now you send another email saying ''Sorry, I meant to say voicemail''. Problem solved.

By alwa7sh | 2

#1988176 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:12

It's ok the student will freak out about being a dad so young but then realise he isn't the father. That will teach him a life lesson to use a condom when he has sex every time. You just did the student a favour of a lifetime.

Comments

By Putton | 0

#1988161 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:10

lol :p

By LikeHell_ | 6

#1988166 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:11

I think it's funny.

By fadingaway | 17

#1988172 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:11

Okay, now you send another email saying ''Sorry, I meant to say voicemail''. Problem solved.

Reply

nayeli760 | 0

#1988191 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:13

Haha, I just wrote that.

Reply

akd1v | 0

#1988348 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:51

technically he was 4 and your 5 so he wrote it first.....just saying

Reply

PhoenixFiend | 0

#1989077 - Thursday 20 January 2011 14:18

Technically, she never said she was first. ;)

By nayeli760 | 0

#1988174 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:12

Just send another message and say it was a mistake.

Reply

lovexbox | 8

#1988274 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:28

Agreed!

By alwa7sh | 2

#1988176 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:12

It's ok the student will freak out about being a dad so young but then realise he isn't the father. That will teach him a life lesson to use a condom when he has sex every time. You just did the student a favour of a lifetime.

Reply

SeasonedLemur | 5

#1988370 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:59

I was surprised to find that this comment was posted by a guy

By 2fknreaL | 0

#1988177 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:12

Not a FML moment. Booooooo!

By illjusbedamned | 0

#1988199 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:15

it'd be funny if the student replies with "That's because my uterus is full. Thanks for the heads up. "

Reply

BahahahLOL | 0

#1988536 - Thursday 20 January 2011 10:54

LOLipop

By perdix | 29

#1988213 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:18

If you two had a "Hot For Teacher" thing going on, I'll bet he shit his pants.

Reply

FYLDeep | 25

#1988315 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:39

She's probably the one who feels tardy though if her birth control ain't working.

Reply

perdix | 29

#1988333 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:43

Yeah, but he forgot his "pencil." ;)

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1988451 - Thursday 20 January 2011 10:25

Give him something to write on, man.
And I think the clock is slow. (:

*love VH*

Reply

DropDead77 | 11

#1988496 - Thursday 20 January 2011 10:37

I bet his "homework was never quite like this"
5150(:

By mintcar | 9

#1988225 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:19

Just explain it to the student. Surely, he or she will understand.

Reply

perdix | 29

#1988325 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:41

No, he won't. He'll wonder why you are discussing birth control while e-mailing to him.

You don't know how guys think. If a girl mentions something sexual in a guy's presence, he automatically thinks that there is at least a chance...

Reply

SuperDuperSex | 0

#1988979 - Thursday 20 January 2011 13:36

#34 is God

Reply

PhoenixFiend | 0

#1989084 - Thursday 20 January 2011 14:20

34, does that mean you've moved to guys?

By iR0ckSkinnys | 3

#1988290 - Thursday 20 January 2011 9:33

haha I bet her voicemail isn't the only thing that's not working!

:} <---- OMG! doesn't that look like Mr.Pringles on the pringles box:O