Health: Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric... - FML

By ITguy1982 - United States

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

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ITguy1982 tells us more :

Just got back from the hospital. Needed 8 stitches to close everything back up again. I had to postpone the date. Hopefully she'll be willing to wait a few weeks for me to heal up. I now have to put my sack in a plastic zip lock bag when I take a shower in order to prevent the area from getting wet.

Dementia or hate? You decide

You tried

Too Much Information

By feelsterrible - United States - Duluth

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

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By FeedTheBirds - United States - Estero

Today, I bought a delicious $17 lobster sandwich at a restaurant on the beach. The seagull who zoomed in and ripped it out of my hands as I was about to take the first bite seemed to enjoy it very much. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 11:01

Hmmm, steak

Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML

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By MessedXUp - United States

Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2021 19:59

This is us

Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML

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By lil_munchkinjen - United Kingdom

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

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By Alex - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

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By sally - United States - Augusta

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

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By caught - United States

Caught red-handed

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

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By SeatofIgnorance

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Buena Park

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

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By I'm out - United States - Huntsville

Today, I found a thong at my boyfriend's house. When I confronted him about it, he panicked and claimed it was his mom's. Right. FML

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By Blamethepostman

Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML

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By awilson - United States

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

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By anon - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

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By fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz - Sweden - Solna

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

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By buggyluv - United States - Edwardsville

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

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By Anonymous

Check your head

Today, I had a real coffee again after being sick for two weeks. It didn't taste so good, though. Just like the one I had yesterday. Well, I thought, maybe my taste has changed? Maybe I just need to get used to it again? No, it was just that the milk had gone bad three days ago. FML

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By Sam - Canada

Today, I did a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months work file helped make the best sausages I've ever done. FML

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By unluckylassy - Ireland

Today, after moving miles to be with my boyfriend, I logged onto his computer just in time to see his other girlfriend had sent naked pictures. FML

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By dammit - United States

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML

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By silkworm - United States

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

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By YeahWhatOkay - United States

Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend's wall "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML

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By sciencesadness - United States - Lynnwood

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 07:58

Mystery woman

Today, my husband of 4 years is tagged in a #ValentinesDayChallenge post on Facebook. No, I didn’t tag him. FML

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By cleb

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating my mom found in a very strict magazine. The article told parents to monitor phone calls, make rumors about their children cheating on people and not allow their children anywhere but home. FML

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By pipers - United States - Northfield

Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

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By nonameLiz - United States

Today, I found out that you can get arrested for holding up a 'free hugs' sign. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pocatello

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

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By sickofit - United States - Charlotte

Today, at work, our boss's son came in to help. The whole time he was there he sat in the back on his phone not helping and whenever we asked him to do something, he had an attitude. The only time he voluntarily got up to help was when his dad came in to check on the restaurant. FML

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By cockblockedbyFB - United States - San Antonio

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

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By TheVagabond_SRG - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML

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By twobyfour

Shelved plans

Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML

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By Oh no

Today, I went searching for my old school laptop only to find that my stepdad had swiped it and given it to his mother. My sex tapes and nudes are on it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

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Top comments

By Miru_fml | 0

#239849 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:03

OMG.... that sucks! FYL for getting cut, but also YDI because... why would you shave your balls, and on a first date??

By genius_man16 | 0

#239852 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:05

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You should know to be careful when you shave down there. THEY ARE YOUR FUCKING BALLS MAN!!

YDI for being a fool.

COMMENTS

By a201 | 0

#239846 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:02

Dumbest move ever. YDI for sure!

Reply

iloveeyouuxD | 9

#2992254 - Friday 29 July 2011 9:12

Yeah ^^^ Ouch! that's gotta hurt! YDI

Reply

ColonelCusswords | 24

#6331631 - Thursday 25 June 2015 10:58

you people are assholes, im crying a tear for a man who cut his nut

By Miru_fml | 0

#239849 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:03

OMG.... that sucks! FYL for getting cut, but also YDI because... why would you shave your balls, and on a first date??

Reply

chelzy | 0

#1040472 - Wednesday 23 June 2010 18:27

so true. he deserves it if he thought he'd get laid on the first date.

Reply

writergirl23 | 19

#3292795 - Thursday 15 September 2011 8:20

It's the girl of his dreams...

Reply

natsaysheyyy | 16

#5118398 - Monday 5 November 2012 21:10

"BIG" date, not "FIRST" date. They could have been on a few dates before, but not exclusive yet.

Reply

badluckross | 21

#5870387 - Thursday 27 February 2014 7:25

He could also just be shaving his balls.. Some guys like to keep it clean down there regardless if they think they'll be getting any action or not..

By clockworkrainbow | 3

#239850 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:03

YDI, idiot.

By kkkristennnn | 0

#239851 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:04

hahaahah thats shitty, FYL

By genius_man16 | 0

#239852 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:05

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You should know to be careful when you shave down there. THEY ARE YOUR FUCKING BALLS MAN!!

YDI for being a fool.

By embryoyo | 3

#239854 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:05

Chemical depilatory anyone?

By heygirlheyyyyy | 0

#239855 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:06

oh, you poor fool. D:

By BobSwarley | 4

#239856 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:06

i bet waxing doesn't seem so bad now, eh?

By omigod | 0

#239857 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:06

oh shit. that must hurt like a mofo.
i just hope your dream girl would appreciate what you had to go thru just to be with her

By realggirl | 0

#239865 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:07

ouch
yourlifeisfucked

Reply

xtfauthorx | 0

#1019436 - Saturday 5 June 2010 1:00

even though you're not :D

Reply

Anglar | 5

#2233400 - Thursday 24 March 2011 4:25

^ win. :)