Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML
Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML
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Top comments
simplysarcastics 26
Well he shouldn't be reading someones messages anyway. I dislike nosy people. Besides everyone has bowel issues every now and then...
torio123 27
Who were you sending messages to about your bowel movements? O_o
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Comments (41)
finch01 18
my sister and I do that it's rather funny. don't be serious its only poop
Epikouros 32
Congratulations, you managed to be gross and boring at the same time.
M3DIC4T3 29
Pretty judgmental for someone with a profile picture of a pig.
K410 18
Ya **** him for invading your privacy...
juwood 7
That is why it is very rare that I allow someone use of my phone. You can't trust people not to rifle through pics and texts, which is sad.
DDCA 24
Who randomly sends that in a text message!? You were texting your Gastroenterologist?
paulbrec 11
Well, while we are on that topic...Have I told you about my...
IAMVINCE 11
Don't give your phone to ANYONE
drizzy11 18
What's a bowel movement?
stevothedevo 25
Serious?
laurens123 6
If he did see them, then he is a piece of shit for looking through your phone. You obviously. Can't trust him if he snooped. But odds are he didn't see them.
AboveAll04 14
you probably had a bowel movement when u remembered you still had those messages when he had your phone....oh oh I shit on myself I've gotta go