Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML
Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML
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Top comments
simplysarcastics 26
Well he shouldn't be reading someones messages anyway. I dislike nosy people. Besides everyone has bowel issues every now and then...
torio123 27
Who were you sending messages to about your bowel movements? O_o
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Comments (41)
ni0ve 9
why was he looking through ur messages
Jharrist89 12
We're all human. Poop movement's are "business as usual" :-D
Lili_love 14
I feel bad for the poor soul that had to receive messages about your shit life D:
jreid21 6
Why are you sending messages about your bowel movements???
SammiixSue 13
Well why would he read your messages?
tehdarkness 21
U need a code word for these things!
rhevenge 19
who messages ppl that kind of stuff....thats just nasty
DatGuyFlorida 2
Maybe you'll get lucky and find out he's into scatplay.
marthamydear23 9
first of all I can't imagine who wants that information. secondly why would he be reading your messages?
peterblack67 9
I'm assuming he used your phone to call someone so im not sure how he'd be reading your texts.