Sneaky

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

Thanks bossman

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year-old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

Heist

Today, my father stole the money I'd saved up by working and spent it all gambling. I'd saved it up for a year for a new car. FML

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

Gung ho

Today, my dad is threatening to have my mom arrested for reckless endangerment because she and my stepdad left me alone for a month while they went on vacation. I'm 24 years-old. FML

Copaganda

Today, my dad is trying to kick me out to become homeless, because it’s my goal to become a police officer, and since he’s served prison time I’m now scum in his eyes and a disgrace to our family. FML

Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML