Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, a pigeon flew into my apartment through an open window. I tried for 20 minutes to guide it back outside. It eventually left on its own, then immediately flew back in through the window again. FML
Today, I spent twenty minutes trying to shoo a bird out of my apartment. After finally getting it outside, I closed the window, turned around, and realized I'd locked myself out instead. The bird flew away. I didn't. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML
Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML
Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML
Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML
Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Yay, the poor thing DID make it :D
dsypher 0
Aight Tarzan, when birds come in you hit them bitches with brooms
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Comments (37)
FMLephant 2
As opposed to metal or wooden windows?
Frasito 0
Hahaha back from the dead! That's the funniest thing I heard all day!
FlashBurn 13
People... birds are actually fairly sturdy as long as you don't step on them. I've raised enough birds and had pigeons flying into the window all the time to know better, lol. Imagine what people in skyscrapers think when that happens...
Ninjafriends 1
So, you're saying this unconscious wolf in my living room is a bad idea?
Trollz4daLULZ 2
ONLY if you run out of lube.
Brittneyyyy 7
I have a pet wolf that lives in my house. He hasn't proved to be a bad idea yet.
neverdrinkSODA 12
birds are awesome and feel good that you helped it
Brittneyyyy 7
Haha he's a crazy thing... I just like people to know that wolves aren't as dangerous as myths have it. :)
mgrm 0
haha your window knocked the shit out of the bird, just so happens you caught the bird as it shit.
Ninjafriends 1
Not as dangerous as the myths have it, hm? I still wouldn't suggest trying the peanut butter trick with him.