Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13887

You deserved it

74064

Tweet

Share

Out of it

Monetize your shit life

In the zone

By Anonymous

Venus in Furs

Today, my boyfriend asked my dad why he gave me the nickname "Bear," which he has called me since I was very little. My dad responded, "Because she has a hairy back." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1483

You deserved it

126

Tweet

Share

By DaycareMama92

Today, I fractured a bone in my foot by dropping a shampoo bottle on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4187

You deserved it

394

Tweet

Share

By partypooper - United States

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54322

You deserved it

2829

Tweet

Share

By Clumsy

Today, while baby-proofing the stairs so that my toddler wouldn't fall, I slipped on his toy car, broke the brand new gate while grabbing it so I wouldn't fall down the stairs, and broke my wrist and a rib. My husband should mom-proof the house for me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3119

You deserved it

347

Tweet

Share

By pontwa - Australia

Today, after nearly 2 years, my now ex-girlfriend decided she was ready to have sex. Specifically, sex with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30086

You deserved it

1888

Tweet

Share

By RensM - New Zealand

Today, I went to the movies. I was seated next to a woman who talked through the film and said: "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38107

You deserved it

3097

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32239

You deserved it

7544

Tweet

Share

By pipers - United States - Northfield

Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1972

You deserved it

244

Tweet

Share

By kimboslice106 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50051

You deserved it

14101

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11124

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1741

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15558

You deserved it

2077

Tweet

Share

By Zahkrii

Today, while returning from a class, I stopped to use the bathroom. While in said bath room, someone threw a chip bag filled with piss water into the stall I was using. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2655

Phew, glad it wasn't me

335

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

21761

You deserved it

2236

Tweet

Share

By really though? - United States - Dover

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42694

You deserved it

14121

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39718

You deserved it

5501

Tweet

Share

By barri - Costa Rica

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63100

You deserved it

2804

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55510

You deserved it

8646

Tweet

Share

By CassyM - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my 2-year-old asked for cake, so I told her I would make her one. I showed her two boxes of cake and asked which one she wanted. She picked one and happily tried opening it. She'd thought a fully cooked cake is in the box. Ever tried explaining baking to a toddler? FML

I agree, your life sucks

4420

You deserved it

765

Tweet

Share

By nutfreak - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52482

You deserved it

3613

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog decided to chase a smaller dog for three blocks. When I finally caught up with him, he laid down and refused to go anywhere. I had to carry my 80 pounds Labrador like a baby all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33185

You deserved it

7416

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31984

You deserved it

3473

Tweet

Share

By thanksmom - United States - Tucson

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33523

You deserved it

7739

Tweet

Share

By idontwanttoknow - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66919

You deserved it

6873

Tweet

Share

By andy1r - Bolivia

Today, my future mother-in-law gave me advice on life. One piece of advice was that I should leave her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31596

You deserved it

2700

Tweet

Share

By

Today, after getting home from shopping, I noticed a security tag was still on one of the shirts I bought. I decided to take it back and ask them to remove the tag. They then accused me of trying to steal (even after I showed them the receipt) and kicked me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8030

You deserved it

550

Tweet

Share

By BasicallySodaFlavoredWater - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents decided that the best way to save money was to dilute everything we drank with water. Only one more year of watered down soda and juice to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21991

You deserved it

2353

Tweet

Share

By moutz - Australia

Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said "Good luck in your final year". Without thinking, I replied "You too". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38260

You deserved it

15296

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28013

You deserved it

8982

Tweet

Share

By alopez1994

Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35964

You deserved it

13733

Tweet

Share

By fmlimoverit - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30149

You deserved it

3672

Tweet

Share

By stupidgirl - United States

Today, I changed all my plans, after months of him begging me to, so I could go to the same university as my long-term boyfriend. After I sent in my deposit, he told me we couldn't live together in college because I was "invading his space." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27316

You deserved it

14098

Tweet

Share

By speshlk37 - United States

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22128

You deserved it

9521

Tweet

Share

By not helping - 17/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Co-parenting

Today, I confiscated my daughter’s tablet, phone and laptop after I caught her exchanging nudes with boys. My ex then called me in a rage, threatening to take me to court over “stealing his belongings” since he purchased them. No concern for our daughter’s behavior, just him wanting the stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1166

You deserved it

96

Tweet

Share

By crazyjohnny - United States

Today, I had a really big debate in my English Class about the legalization of weed. My group had to state reasons why weed shouldn't be legal and no one except me had prepared. My partner came to class totally stoned. Our group lost the debate. We got a F. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54265

You deserved it

7939

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Eudora

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend has a three day break from work. This would be great if he hadn't just told me he's having a Guild Wars 2 marathon. Now all I have to look forward to is slow wifi and anguished screams every time his character dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21907

You deserved it

3110

Tweet

Share

By DanteWest1000 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28854

You deserved it

7576

Tweet

Share

By Poorphone - United States - Denver

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8759

You deserved it

999

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28906

You deserved it

1717

Tweet

Share

By Miserable person

Choosing Beggars

Today, after spending 5+ hours of my life painting a portrait of someone's cat for them, I finally finished it, perfect condition, no mistakes. I was supposed to be paid 300 bucks for it. Got 50 bucks because it was too "vibrant." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1648

You deserved it

204

Tweet

Share

By nofatchicks - United States - Tampa

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61640

You deserved it

7810

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By airandfingers | 0

#135806 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:20

Today, I was withdrawing money from an ATM at my new school, when a guy came up behind me and demanded my money. I gave it to him, thinking he had a weapon. Later, I saw that not only had he posted on fmylife.com, but he said f HIS life! FML

By nlite | 0

#135794 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:16

you dumbass.

COMMENTS

By nlite | 0

#135794 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:16

you dumbass.

Reply

garuru | 4

#889523 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 22:20

haha free money

Reply

b182link | 0

#1055181 - Friday 2 July 2010 20:19

haha free cash

Reply

ForTheMotherland | 0

#1056800 - Saturday 3 July 2010 7:07

I only chose "You totally deserve it!" because your life doesn't suck. He gave you all his money. Lucky...

Reply

ladidaday | 0

#1226926 - Thursday 12 August 2010 7:36

since I'm a freshman rite now, I have to say YDI!!! That's like stealing candy from a baby:P

Reply

Bobby64 | 29

#2987178 - Thursday 28 July 2011 16:37

You're a freshman in college and used "rite" where you should have used "right"? 0_o

By Shroomsteroo | 0

#135795 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:16

hahaha!

Reply

iplaymw2 | 0

#997201 - Wednesday 19 May 2010 5:21

in solviet russia, ze freshman jumps you!

Reply

keetlover | 0

#1244400 - Sunday 15 August 2010 9:05

in soviet Russia, you ze he'll up!

Reply

Mischief109 | 11

#4454783 - Saturday 19 May 2012 5:50

^ what?!?!

Reply

Rowdey | 10

#4456987 - Saturday 19 May 2012 22:32

In Soviet Russia.. I hate you.

By str8upmobbin | 0

#135796 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:16

good job, i agree with what you did!

By iamjtsocool | 0

#135797 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:17

Smooth move 007. You should have given it back ya jackass.

By sidekickinit | 0

#135799 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:18

pretty sure you mean F*** HIS Life....

By DLow0012 | 0

#135801 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:18

I...don't see what the problem is...?

Reply

blankaex | 0

#907635 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:40

op prolly feels bad about taking his money

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#135803 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:19

you're as funny as a pile of poo.

By airandfingers | 0

#135806 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:20

Today, I was withdrawing money from an ATM at my new school, when a guy came up behind me and demanded my money. I gave it to him, thinking he had a weapon. Later, I saw that not only had he posted on fmylife.com, but he said f HIS life! FML

Reply

danielr1219 | 0

#1636859 - Monday 1 November 2010 23:21

win^^

Reply

ItsOkayImWhite | 0

#2502257 - Friday 13 May 2011 12:25

hahaha :D!

Reply

hockeylaxforev23 | 4

#3604318 - Saturday 19 November 2011 5:01

FTW!!!!

Reply

ImTheAlpha | 30

#4108269 - Thursday 1 March 2012 1:13

Detecting VERY large quantities of WIN in this post.

Reply

kittykat1501 | 31

#6320759 - Sunday 14 June 2015 23:31

I HATE it when people do this!!!!!

By noha_fml | 0

#135807 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:21

why on earth is this an FML for you its an FML for the "poor, unsuspecting freshman." i hope you gave his money back lol.

By deplorableworld | 0

#135808 - Thursday 23 April 2009 9:22

I can see why you might say FYL. You'll get what's coming to you now.