Health: Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's... - FML

18/09/2012 04:35 - United States - Holdingford

Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's wedding. The bride ordered them for us to match the dresses. They're six-inch platform heels. I have three broken toes and am still wearing a boot. The wedding is next weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 291

You deserved it 2 071

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Another great day to be alive

Unionize

Taking advantage

By Stigmamma - 28/06/2020 05:06

Today, after 3 months of my man claiming he's going to start eating better "next week", he finally went on a diet. What changed? I started eating healthy while trying for a baby. He is "supporting me" by getting me to do extra meal prep for him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 261

22/02/2013 13:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I muted the TV just in time to hear my mom yell at my dad about how their sex life is "non-existent". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 528

You deserved it 4 701

Crashtony Cartano here

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 23:03

Today, my husband sped my car up to 80 in a 30, and almost crashed, which would have killed us both. What did I do to set him off? I played a song he didn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 126

17/11/2011 14:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 568

You deserved it 6 061

25/05/2019 06:13

Today, I called in sick to my job. I'm already on shaky ground there, but I was honestly sick. I happened to call in during the mandatory departmental meeting. Apparently, I was supposed to go in a half-hour early. I called in thirty minutes late, during a required meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 1 044

11/01/2010 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom explained the benefits of douching to me with my boyfriend right there. He began arguing with her about how the vagina is usually self-cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 968

You deserved it 2 585

01/12/2015 09:49 - Australia - Corrimal

Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 656

You deserved it 6 575

27/01/2011 16:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a flight home. I'd worn a belt because my skirt was too big. When I walked through security, they asked me to remove my belt. My skirt fell down in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 857

You deserved it 13 379

01/05/2016 05:39 - United States

Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 111

You deserved it 1 713

11/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 615

You deserved it 41 012

11/06/2012 07:14 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 666

You deserved it 5 503

19/12/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 835

You deserved it 36 518

Bear of a man

By Marcus Whitfield - 14/03/2020 15:00

Today, I came to the unsettling realisation that the 2XL jacket that was originally 3 sizes too big for me is now a perfect fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 450

13/10/2014 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 428

You deserved it 4 854

No end in sight

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 11:01 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, my city is in the news because of a huge Covid outbreak in a factory that's under construction. They have over a thousand workers and refuse to shut down to stop the spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 117

28/04/2012 01:04 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Spicy

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 253

You deserved it 4 029

20/02/2016 18:06 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, on my way to the dentist, I got rear ended by my own dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 251

You deserved it 1 365

21/03/2014 05:14 - United States - Phoenix

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 554

You deserved it 4 705

24/04/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 375

You deserved it 3 406

Posturing

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 02:01 - Canada

Today, I researched how to manage chronic tailbone pain from excessive sitting. One of the most consistent pieces of advice was to lean forward when working. My posture is already so bad, my chiropractor says I'm one of his worst clients of all time. I work a desk job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 113

07/07/2017 11:53 - United States - Quitman

Today, my phone ran out of space, so I downloaded an app to store all my photos online. After everything transferred, I deleted the 1,000+ photos from my phone, along with the "recently deleted" file since it was also taking up space. The app is now empty of all "downloaded photos". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 847

You deserved it 2 791

31/01/2011 22:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 897

You deserved it 8 802

22/08/2018 03:30

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 241

You deserved it 513

03/02/2012 07:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 872

You deserved it 4 334

03/06/2010 07:44 - United States

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 578

You deserved it 4 056

14/12/2009 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 465

You deserved it 5 155

Deadlines whooshing by

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 15:30 - United States - Putney

Today, my Computer Science professor posted an assignment that's due right before our Monday class… on Monday morning. I wouldn't have even thought to check for assignments this morning if he hadn't done the same thing last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 76

12/02/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 185

You deserved it 18 622

Dream baby dream

By lani - 24/05/2021 00:00

Today, and since I decided to cut back on unhealthy foods, my last five dreams were literally just slideshows of junk food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 111

03/11/2010 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 350

You deserved it 29 215

10/08/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 711

You deserved it 6 680

31/05/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 920

You deserved it 4 865

09/06/2013 23:33 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 410

You deserved it 9 107

09/02/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 437

You deserved it 2 299

29/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 079

You deserved it 4 513

09/04/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, I finally confessed my feelings to my long time crush. He was the only one I've been able to muster up the courage to open up to. He replied "lmao" and hasn't texted back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 747

You deserved it 6 692

15/05/2013 15:16 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 619

You deserved it 10 254

24/08/2009 07:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 592

You deserved it 7 548

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 109

26/05/2015 02:24 - United States

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 704

You deserved it 1 988

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 11:43

Hopefully, she's not a total Bridezilla and won't get mad at you for "stealing her attention".

trqskq 14

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 11:48

Don't worry, the other women wearing the heels will feel like they have three broken toes once the night is over.

Comments

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 11:41

Shit, there's not a whole lot you can do except just go to the wedding. Your boot should be fine with her hopefully O_o

CookieKidrauhl 0

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Wednesday 19 September 2012 3:47

Since she and OP are best friends, she'll probably understand :)

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Wednesday 19 September 2012 8:08

Or maybe yøú can bet that the fiancée wises up before the wedding and win some money while you're at it.

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 11:43

Hopefully, she's not a total Bridezilla and won't get mad at you for "stealing her attention".

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 13:22

Wow! Excellent reference that FML must be like 6 months old. Maybe even older! Props to you good sir!

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 17:43

Bridezilla is also a show.

emilyjgraham 34

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 18:30

and it is definitely not 6 months old!

evilplatypus 38

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 20:41

Time must be very odd in your universe, Potato, if one month = six months

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 23:23

19 - it's also a very common phrase...

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 11:44

I hope she'll understand about your broken toes.

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 15:15

I hope she already knows about her broken toes being her "best friend" and all ...

jumble 12

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 20:49

But then again it says "best friend's wedding" then "the bride ordered" so she could be best friends with the groom. Still, OP should have let them know that she had broken toes to see what to do about the situation.

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Wednesday 19 September 2012 1:19

Hmm good point 73 that could actually be the case,

toelie 25

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 11:47

Broken toes are a pretty good excuse.

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 19:40

Not to a bridezilla!

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Wednesday 19 September 2012 6:35

Or a pretty good reason to be booted from the bridal party!

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 11:47

You better heal up quick, then.

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 12:19

She has broken toes -.- she won't heal up in a week!

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 13:27

As if you can speed up the process..

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 13:34

What a world of literalists with no imagination.

maronofhearts 19

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Wednesday 19 September 2012 11:30

It's because he said heal not heel so the connection wasn't made. Using the wrong word makes the joke right

trqskq 14

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 11:48

Don't worry, the other women wearing the heels will feel like they have three broken toes once the night is over.

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Wednesday 19 September 2012 0:28

And ankles. Luckily, OP has a doctor she can recommend.

Shadow_Phantom 26

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 11:56

I really hope she's sympathetic toward your situation... I don't think I'd ever want to wear heels, even with my feet being perfectly undamaged.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 11:59

Wear the platform heel on your good foot and walk around in circles the whole day. The wedding guests will think you are doing a one-woman Hokey Pokey marathon.

SerendipityRose 26

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 15:27

I just woke up my Husband from laughing at the mental imagery your comment conjured. He's scowling, so I'm blaming you for the grumpy-pants he's gonna be wearing most of the day.

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 15:44

^ Seems legit. BTW, how the hell did you get TWO FMLs posted? I swear I've never seen someone with more than one, and I can't even get that many posted.

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 17:38

41- her life sucks, that's how.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 17:54

#37, sorry about that. I checked and now that I estimate Mr. Grumpy-Pants is about 2000 miles away, I'll man up and take the hit. It's hard for me to feel true remorse for causing uncontrollable laughter, though.

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 12:02

Get ready for a broken neck while your at it on those suicide shoes.

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 16:06

Except for the fact that she probably won't even be wearing those shoes.

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 12:07

Tell her the boot is in style this season. If she's gullible enough, you and the other bridesmaids will be hobbling around for the entire duration of the event.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 62

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 149