By elissak - 07/12/2014 06:58 - United States - Dubuque

Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 673
You deserved it 2 749

elissak tells us more.

elissak 12

Hey all! OP here. A longer version of the story... I was on a first date when I saw a man at another table panic, get up from his table, and start running toward the back. I was taught this is a common sign of someone choking, so I went after him without thinking (my poor date!). I caught him right before the bathrooms and had him calm enough for a moment to dislodge the lobster. He was very thankful at the time. Around twenty minutes later when his table got the bill, he made a special trip over to my table to get in my face and started yelling about how I cost him this otherworldly amount of money because he couldn't get that lobster back. I had considered opening my purse and pulling out some monopoly money to pay for his meal (yes, I keep monopoly money on me), but I thought that might have been a little cruel or in poor taste, so I simply stared at him until he walked away. My date and I laughed about it for the rest of dinner, and it's definitely a tale getting added to my arsenal of stories. No harm done!

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Top comments

Let his ass choke.

That lobster must have been to die for!


Let his ass choke.

No, bad idea. Everyone else would've cussed OP out for letting a man die or almost die. Some people just can't be pleased.

You mean let his throat choke?

Karma might make sure that happens the next time he decides to go for expensive lobster.

"Sorry I saved your life."

Wouldn't that be constipation if his ass was choking?

DogeMan 14

Serve the piece back to him?

Should've let him choke on his perfectly good lobster...

I'd do that. I hate uncomfortable situations. But he's probably a fucking glutton due to the fact that he's pissed over a damn lobster piece that nearly killed him.

Lol, I bet if you hadn't saved him he still would've cussed you out. Assuming he survived, that is.

That lobster must have been to die for!

Dammit you beat me to it!

brssps1 19

No. I think that man was just being shellfish.

Fine then he can choke next time

There's no YDI yet. Even FML can't argue with this one.

Toughsky 23

No matter what the situation is there will always be a minority of YDI or FYL votes . Whether it's something like the OP was hit by a car in his yard or he broke his leg jumping of the roof. That small minority will always be there to oppose the majority.

You also have the people that always vote YDI.

FMLworthy5000 21

I think it was only once I've ever saw an FML with no YDI's and it wasn't recent so there's slight hope

Perhaps he should be a little bit more grateful you saved his life... What a selfish man.

Damn, clearly I wasn't on the ball.

Well, some people just parent grateful

Sounds like someone is a cheapskate.