Miscellaneous: Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I... - FML

By mm - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31764

You deserved it

8939

Tweet

Share

And today, on Dr Phil…

The smell detective is on the case

Sounds like a catch

By Regina - United States

Today, I got a job selling knives. I had training for 11 hours. At the end of the training session, the instructor promptly informed everyone that they had to pay $145 for a set of demo knives. I paid the $145. I went home and learned that it was a scam. I went back for a refund. They said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16376

You deserved it

55433

Tweet

Share

By grounded4life - United States

Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19322

You deserved it

83222

Tweet

Share

By Awkwardly_dumped

You got mail

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. When we took a break and went downstairs, he checked the mail. He had received a letter from his ex-girlfriend, which he opened in front of me. He then began sobbing on my shoulder and broke up with me. He still had to drive me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3289

You deserved it

174

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 05:03

He's still right, though

Today, my dad snapped at me for assuming that Eminem was the one to come up with the phrase, “Will the real ___ please stand up?” since that was the only time I’ve heard it. Apparently, I “always assume things are modern”. So I asked him where in fact the phrase came from and guess what? He didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

681

You deserved it

167

Tweet

Share

By barebackingit - Canada - Kanata

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50663

You deserved it

11773

Tweet

Share

By heaventlyassbutt - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of time since I've been looking for a job. I got an e-mail yesterday from a company for a telephone interview which I was happy about. The day of the interview, my phone is disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10915

You deserved it

989

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by sending me a text. She was sitting right beside me on a 10 hour car trip, and there was still 6 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40256

You deserved it

3153

Tweet

Share

By MsConfusedd - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23705

You deserved it

1925

Tweet

Share

By reb2632 - United States

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50978

You deserved it

12692

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 17:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Stinky

Today, I realized that my flatmate showers so little that the furniture she uses smells like BO. FML

I agree, your life sucks

892

You deserved it

62

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54217

You deserved it

22461

Tweet

Share

By Flopera

Today, I treated my out of town family to a surprise opera experience as a belated Christmas present. When we arrived, there were people already in our seats. Upon checking the tickets, I realized that I had purchased them for the following Friday instead of today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3040

You deserved it

2005

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27594

You deserved it

3478

Tweet

Share

By whatnot - Canada

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

I agree, your life sucks

49452

You deserved it

3237

Tweet

Share

By fired

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47860

You deserved it

7421

Tweet

Share

By cdaniel2 - United States

Truth bomb

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dad's words of wisdom were, "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50085

You deserved it

4606

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 14:00

Mr Whiskers

Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

976

You deserved it

305

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Double standards

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37565

You deserved it

2659

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40317

You deserved it

3687

Tweet

Share

By megan228 - United States

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

143262

You deserved it

8984

Tweet

Share

By - United States

Today, my cousin got hired after six days of job-hunting. I graduated from university six months ago and haven't even scored a single interview; he's a deadbeat junkie who just got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27787

You deserved it

2818

Tweet

Share

By lk mm, n vwls - United States - Mansfield Depot

Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42382

You deserved it

4798

Tweet

Share

By FaceTime issues - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41975

You deserved it

4988

Tweet

Share

By Melissa

Badmouth Strikes Again

Today, my 7-year-old sister had to tell my mom to watch her language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1295

You deserved it

136

Tweet

Share

By Epithymia - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11550

You deserved it

2938

Tweet

Share

By ShutTheFuCupcake - Canada - Calgary

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24602

You deserved it

70703

Tweet

Share

By majorlyturnedoff - United States

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31174

You deserved it

3311

Tweet

Share

By forever_young - United States - Rochester

Today, despite being in high school, I'm still shorter than the average 3rd grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13866

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1789

Tweet

Share

By me:( - United States - Romulus

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65508

You deserved it

5130

Tweet

Share

By PISSED OFF - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13762

You deserved it

47576

Tweet

Share

By richardmrcs - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47052

You deserved it

7038

Tweet

Share

By dancingqueef - United States - Kingston

Today, my mom told me to break a leg before performing in my dancing school's show. I really did break part of my leg while performing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12671

You deserved it

1174

Tweet

Share

By Everest

Today, I got several thumbtacks jabbed into me. Why? Because my cousin thought it would be a funny prank to superglue a bunch of thumbtacks to his nerf darts. My left forearm is still bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2727

You deserved it

170

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Cass Lake

Today, my boss told me I got my new job because she rejected candidates that seemed "too confident" or "too pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31359

You deserved it

3019

Tweet

Share

By Shannon - United States - Dearborn

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44941

You deserved it

4986

Tweet

Share

By heathenhaha - Singapore - Singapore

Done for

Today, I became the center of attraction of my office floor after sending my resumé to my work Whatsapp group, asking them to share with their friends for job openings. My VP is owner of the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2678

You deserved it

5926

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, while at Six Flags my boyfriend won a huge stuffed animal for me. After a whole day of carrying it around, when he dropped me off he told me that he wants the stuffed animal back. He just didn't want to carry it around all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39170

You deserved it

3632

Tweet

Share

By lopez - France

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10004

You deserved it

34968

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/4/2021 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Sounds like a keeper, actually

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

426

You deserved it

1084

Tweet

Share

By NotSpiderman - United States - Edinburg

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24596

You deserved it

4587

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By zinoxity | 23

#5142861 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:08

Did you catch the guy's facial expression when you finally realized this?

By beth_ebdon | 6

#5142869 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:10

Why didnt he say anything...

COMMENTS

By zinoxity | 23

#5142861 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:08

Did you catch the guy's facial expression when you finally realized this?

Reply

damn_homie | 2

#5142910 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:14

I wish I could've seen the expression on his face. That would've been hilarious.

Reply

itsharkley | 8

#5143014 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:26

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5143058 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:43

Poor man getting his popcorn stolen, movie theaters rob you for like $8 per bag of popcorn!

Reply

decidedlyvague | 11

#5143467 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 1:17

He probably enjoyed it :P.

Reply

bandofsand | 10

#5143689 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:23

Maybe there was a hole in the bag.

Reply

JoshTheMaggot | 8

#5143966 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 4:04

If he let her eat it for half the movie he must not have cared. It would've been funny to see though

Reply

ProfessionalTrol_fml | 14

#5143984 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 4:10

Um, I'm pretty sure it's more of an FML for the guy sitting next to OP...

Reply

abu4u | 26

#5144387 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 11:58

Well erm that must be awkward lol

Reply

guy24 | 9

#5155674 - Friday 16 November 2012 19:24

Yay you spelled realized correctly... Z not an s

By trulymickeyj | 13

#5142863 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:08

That's so awkward. Your life sucks, lol!

Reply

FYLminesGREAT | 5

#5142920 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:14

Your comment sucks, lol!

Reply

bigtaytay | 13

#5143096 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:52

It's hilarious when you're stoned

By beth_ebdon | 6

#5142869 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:10

Why didnt he say anything...

Reply

SurfSnowSkate7 | 7

#5142986 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:22

Maybe she was attractive and made him nervous.

Reply

DerrickJames | 33

#5143003 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:25

It shouldn't be hard to believe that we have nice people in the world.

Reply

etchsanity1 | 11

#5143200 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:23

There was a hole in the tub ... Thankfully you didn't make it that far

Reply

Axipiter | 24

#5143599 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 1:56

Perhaps she did...

Reply

lukemack | 4

#5143647 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:09

He probably thought she was hitting on him and it was going to be his lucky day.

Reply

Tay_racer10 | 3

#5144065 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 5:06

You would just let someone take your $10 popcorn!?

Reply

jackien1 | 6

#5144342 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 10:15

I would have just moved my popcorn away if I didn't want to talk to OP

By Aspen_Grace33 | 27

#5142875 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:11

I'm surprised he didn't pick the popcorn up and put it on the other side!

Reply

iOceanus | 18

#5143081 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:50

Maybe he was lonely and wanted a girl to share his popcorn with!

Reply

ftw487 | 9

#5143391 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:57

Aww thats sad

Reply

Vimy | 6

#5143802 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:52

What I don't understand is how OP herself didn't realize till halfway through the movie... I mean, wouldn't you be aware as to which side your friend is sitting??

By LexieWins | 0

#5142879 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:11

Well as long as he didn't mind..in which case he was creepy! Or asleep.

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5143067 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:44

Or just shy maybe?...

Reply

Purrpurrpurr | 7

#5145744 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 22:28

Or dead.

By KVKdragon | 26

#5142881 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:11

Well, if the other guy hasn't said anything yet, you can switch back to your popcorn without starting an awkward scene. Don't fret ;)

Reply

geon_olam | 17

#5144220 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 7:50

If the guy hasn't said anything yet, he's likely to not say anything at all. Finish his popcorn before smoothly switching to yours!

By Welshite | 39

#5142916 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:14

OP: Woo, popcorn AND a movie!
Innocent movie goer: Uh, that's mi...
OP: *grabs another handful*

Reply

BairaiF | 0

#5142949 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:17

Some people just shouldnt comment, youre one of them

Reply

chickenflem | 8

#5142963 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:19

Actually I found his comment pretty funny. Yours on the other hand was not called for.

Reply

JudgeTroll | 6

#5142970 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:19

And you're another 14

Reply

KVKdragon | 26

#5142972 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:20

Who are you to say that? He's not a troll or a flame war starter. His comment was funny to me. Leave him alone >:(

Reply

happyllama12 | 5

#5143891 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 3:33

Innocent movie goer: uhmm
OP: shhh I'm trying to watch the movie
*grabs another handful yet again*

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5144122 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 5:56

Innocent movie goer: excuse me bu......
Op: seriously be quiet it's a good movie
*grabs yet another handful and takes a drink of his soda*

By CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5142923 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:15

Hey he didn't complain so I'd say it was free game. I bet it was pretty awkward when you realized that though. Haha. Maybe he thought you were cute? I'd let a cute girl eat my popcorn too.

By danial1214 | 21

#5142940 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:16

I would have given you the evil eye if that was my popcorn you were eating

By byRose | 7

#5142942 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:16

The guy is like, "She's taking my popcorn, she wants the D."

Reply

HentaiBunny | 4

#5143205 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:24

Lol that's what I was gonna write! Good thing I checked first.