Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I... - FML

By mm - 12/11/2012 17:27 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

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Instadrama

All in the family

Or he's just becoming an old goober

By Dentedbumper - 7/3/2019 14:00

Today, I tried to back my car into my parking space while some of my neighbors were out by their cars. I accidentally rammed into the retaining wall behind my spot. I was hoping the neighbors didn't notice the huge crunching sound, but they did. FML

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By Username - 14/8/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

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By a - 31/10/2009 04:14 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

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By mybossisanass - 23/4/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

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By JJ - 21/3/2016 19:06 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

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By tbw - 12/1/2012 00:31 - United States

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

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By xXx - 16/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

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By hatemyluck - 10/9/2012 02:12 - United States - Bronx

Today, my boyfriend was showing me photos on his iPod when he came across a photo of a half-naked girl. He tried to play it off by quickly changing it, only to reveal even more half-naked girls. FML

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By tattooapprentice - 1/12/2018 17:30

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

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By sfabsits - 17/7/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2012 17:15 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

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By magomag - 14/5/2013 04:15 - United States - Fair Lawn

Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML

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By tenniemo - 11/6/2018 17:39 - United States - Green Valley

Today, I’m pet-sitting for my parents while they’re on vacation. So far, one cat has projectile vomited all over the living room, and another has pooped in their bed. Twice. My parents were not concerned when I called, and said this is normal behavior. FML

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By grossedout - 1/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

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By Mel Cluze - 22/10/2019 16:00

Fire!

Today, my girlfriend and I were spending the night at a hotel. We were awoken at 3 a.m. by the fire alarm. We quickly got dressed, went down the stairs to the reception area… and were told that it was a false alarm. All because some jerk lit a cigarette in his room. FML

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By higgles15 - 5/6/2012 19:42 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I got a bikini wax. They said it wouldn't hurt too badly, and that it would just sting. My friend heard me screaming from all the way down the hall in the waiting room. FML

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By hannah - 26/6/2019 18:05

Today, I discovered that every time my period ends, I queef loudly and uncontrollably. I’m literally too embarrassed to see a doctor about this. FML

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By tay - 17/9/2013 15:44 - Canada - Erin

Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2012 05:33 - United States

Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML

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By unfortunatelyunlucky - 12/12/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML

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By bymyself - 7/2/2011 02:05

Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML

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By SonOfaSpy - 18/7/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML

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By dusty - 6/12/2018 15:30

Today I picked my baby up from my babysitter's house. As I was getting him ready for bed, I saw blood and immediately went into a panic, rushing to the hospital and trying to contact her to see if my baby fell and she didn't tell me. Turns out it was just hot Cheeto dust mixed with drool. FML

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By BoogieCandy. - 23/10/2009 08:56 - Canada

Today, at work, I was standing at the till helping an attractive man. I have a cold and could feel the snot bubbling up. He orders and we flirt for a bit. Just as I'm about to hand him his product, I sneeze quite loudly and forcefully all over his face. Guess I won't be getting that number. FML

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By jack - 8/10/2012 18:36 - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2019 12:00

Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML

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By Carmen VanDiest - 24/4/2020 02:00

Legit logic

Today, I asked my husband why his socks are always inside-out in the laundry basket. He replied, "So the insides get clean." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2015 20:24 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

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By Samantha - 15/6/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I'm three months pregnant. Hours after the father of my baby bought me a wedding ring, he decided to get drunk and tell me that he doesn't see himself with me for the rest of his life, and doesn't really want to get married. Oh and he hates my dog. FML

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By pod - 25/6/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2011 06:40 - Australia

Today, I sent an email to a girl I like about how I really feel about her. She later replied "Real funny, tell Michael to change his password!" FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2014 15:37 - United States

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

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By hatemyjob - 15/12/2015 00:15 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, after working at the same place for 3 years, I found out that they are not only cutting my hours but now I have to take orders from some girl I trained because she was promoted over me. FML

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By anon - 2/1/2016 15:57 - Australia - Glenfield

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Years party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

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By Matt - 29/8/2010 04:53 - Canada

Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML

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By chao - 22/12/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of us getting married some day. She said she wasn't sure about me yet and that we may want to go in different directions soon. We've been dating for three years and I had the ring in my pocket at the moment. FML

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By badwolf - 4/9/2012 20:34 - United States

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2013 02:12 - United States

Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML

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Top comments

By zinoxity | 23

#5142861 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:08

Did you catch the guy's facial expression when you finally realized this?

By beth_ebdon | 6

#5142869 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:10

Why didnt he say anything...

Comments

By zinoxity | 23

#5142861 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:08

Did you catch the guy's facial expression when you finally realized this?

Reply

damn_homie | 2

#5142910 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:14

I wish I could've seen the expression on his face. That would've been hilarious.

Reply

itsharkley | 8

#5143014 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5143058 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:43

Poor man getting his popcorn stolen, movie theaters rob you for like $8 per bag of popcorn!

Reply

decidedlyvague | 11

#5143467 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 1:17

He probably enjoyed it :P.

Reply

bandofsand | 10

#5143689 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:23

Maybe there was a hole in the bag.

Reply

JoshTheMaggot | 8

#5143966 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 4:04

If he let her eat it for half the movie he must not have cared. It would've been funny to see though

Reply

ProfessionalTrol_fml | 14

#5143984 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 4:10

Um, I'm pretty sure it's more of an FML for the guy sitting next to OP...

Reply

abu4u | 26

#5144387 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 11:58

Well erm that must be awkward lol

Reply

guy24 | 9

#5155674 - Friday 16 November 2012 19:24

Yay you spelled realized correctly... Z not an s

By trulymickeyj | 13

#5142863 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:08

That's so awkward. Your life sucks, lol!

Reply

FYLminesGREAT | 5

#5142920 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:14

Your comment sucks, lol!

Reply

bigtaytay | 13

#5143096 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:52

It's hilarious when you're stoned

By beth_ebdon | 6

#5142869 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:10

Why didnt he say anything...

Reply

SurfSnowSkate7 | 7

#5142986 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:22

Maybe she was attractive and made him nervous.

Reply

DerrickJames | 33

#5143003 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:25

It shouldn't be hard to believe that we have nice people in the world.

Reply

etchsanity1 | 11

#5143200 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:23

There was a hole in the tub ... Thankfully you didn't make it that far

Reply

Axipiter | 24

#5143599 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 1:56

Perhaps she did...

Reply

lukemack | 4

#5143647 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:09

He probably thought she was hitting on him and it was going to be his lucky day.

Reply

Tay_racer10 | 3

#5144065 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 5:06

You would just let someone take your $10 popcorn!?

Reply

jackien1 | 6

#5144342 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 10:15

I would have just moved my popcorn away if I didn't want to talk to OP

By Aspen_Grace33 | 27

#5142875 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:11

I'm surprised he didn't pick the popcorn up and put it on the other side!

Reply

iOceanus | 18

#5143081 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:50

Maybe he was lonely and wanted a girl to share his popcorn with!

Reply

ftw487 | 9

#5143391 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:57

Aww thats sad

Reply

Vimy | 6

#5143802 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:52

What I don't understand is how OP herself didn't realize till halfway through the movie... I mean, wouldn't you be aware as to which side your friend is sitting??

By LexieWins | 0

#5142879 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:11

Well as long as he didn't mind..in which case he was creepy! Or asleep.

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5143067 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:44

Or just shy maybe?...

Reply

Purrpurrpurr | 7

#5145744 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 22:28

Or dead.

By KVKdragon | 26

#5142881 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:11

Well, if the other guy hasn't said anything yet, you can switch back to your popcorn without starting an awkward scene. Don't fret ;)

Reply

geon_olam | 17

#5144220 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 7:50

If the guy hasn't said anything yet, he's likely to not say anything at all. Finish his popcorn before smoothly switching to yours!

By Welshite | 39

#5142916 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:14

OP: Woo, popcorn AND a movie!
Innocent movie goer: Uh, that's mi...
OP: *grabs another handful*

Reply

BairaiF | 0

#5142949 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:17

Some people just shouldnt comment, youre one of them

Reply

chickenflem | 8

#5142963 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:19

Actually I found his comment pretty funny. Yours on the other hand was not called for.

Reply

JudgeTroll | 6

#5142970 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:19

And you're another 14

Reply

KVKdragon | 26

#5142972 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:20

Who are you to say that? He's not a troll or a flame war starter. His comment was funny to me. Leave him alone >:(

Reply

happyllama12 | 5

#5143891 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 3:33

Innocent movie goer: uhmm
OP: shhh I'm trying to watch the movie
*grabs another handful yet again*

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5144122 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 5:56

Innocent movie goer: excuse me bu......
Op: seriously be quiet it's a good movie
*grabs yet another handful and takes a drink of his soda*

By CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5142923 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:15

Hey he didn't complain so I'd say it was free game. I bet it was pretty awkward when you realized that though. Haha. Maybe he thought you were cute? I'd let a cute girl eat my popcorn too.

By danial1214 | 21

#5142940 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:16

I would have given you the evil eye if that was my popcorn you were eating

By byRose | 7

#5142942 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:16

The guy is like, "She's taking my popcorn, she wants the D."

Reply

HentaiBunny | 4

#5143205 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:24

Lol that's what I was gonna write! Good thing I checked first.