Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I... - FML

By mm - 12/11/2012 17:27 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

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By Why me. - 20/10/2018 11:30 - United States - Kent

Today, I emailed my boss to let her know I was uncomfortable working over what my university’s 28-hour policy allows. She demanded I work 40 hours this week. In any other job, I'd be fine, but if I work over 28 hours, the university will fire me. If I refuse to work 28 hours, my boss will fire me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2019 06:01

Today, my car horn got some sort of short and started beeping every 20 seconds or so. On the way to get it fixed, I got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Behind a cop car. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2013 06:33 - United States

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

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By Byepax - 6/3/2015 14:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

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By tickle spunk - 29/12/2011 18:39 - United States

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

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By thesparrow - 6/2/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

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By canadiankc - 4/6/2009 02:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

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By ai_lauren - 19/12/2014 04:04 - United States - Bayonne

Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML

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By secretsant4 - 3/11/2017 14:00

Today, at an 8 a.m. spin class, I knelt on the floor to set up my bike. The bike next to me was too close, and while the girl on it was pedaling to warm up, she pedaled down hard onto my heel, breaking my ankle. FML

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By shal4 - 27/11/2015 17:55

Today, within 20 minutes of waking up, my dad gave me a pained look and said: "Uhh, turns out your laptop isn't waterproof." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2012 23:52 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

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By Fefrank - 25/3/2019 00:00

I broke a bolt on my minivan trying to fix the timing belt myself to save money. I spent about 300 dollars in parts. Today I took the van to the shop and the total to fix it is going to be 1200 dollars. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2019 02:00

Today, my mother told me she's planning on taking the next two weeks "off". She is unemployed and on disability, and spends her days on the couch watching Netflix. Off from what? FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2014 21:02 - United Kingdom - Broxburn

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

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By tawan - 4/12/2009 16:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

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By skipperpop - 11/8/2016 22:24 - United States - Ames

Today, after work, I was saying goodbye to my last remaining friend I worked with because she was going to be leaving for college. My manager saw me talking and made me clock back in and work because "If you have time to talk, you have time to work." FML.

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By JoshTheUnluckyFromKentucky - 14/11/2014 00:21 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML

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By Mo. - 3/10/2020 01:13 - United States

Rock and a hard place

Today, I found out my postpartum pain is indeed because of a cyst. No, my doctors can’t drain it and relive the pain because of scar tissue. And yes, it hurts around my lady bits and in my butthole, because the cyst wraps around everything. It’s either wait it out in extreme pain or surgery. FML

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By heck - 12/8/2016 13:57

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2015 06:18 - United States - Cranford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2015 07:30 - Canada - Delta

Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML

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By jumpy - 3/1/2010 23:59 - United States

Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML

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By dcait_1196 - 16/10/2010 13:14 - France

Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML

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By urinetrouble - 4/5/2017 06:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while checking the men's bathroom at work, I noticed one of the air fresheners had fallen from the top of the paper towel holder into the garbage. It wasn't until I picked it up and examined it that I realized I was actually holding used urinal fresheners. FML

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By Lola - 29/7/2019 06:00

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 17:16 - Australia

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2016 12:53 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML

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By Username - 1/7/2010 04:55 - France

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say 'yes' or 'no', instead of nodding your head. FML

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By Sneezy123 - 6/10/2009 02:21 - United States

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

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By thats what my ipod is for - 26/4/2013 17:34 - United States

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2014 17:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:28

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

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By starboi - 20/12/2016 19:19 - United States - Weaver

Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML

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By worksucks,Iknow. - 30/8/2018 15:00

Today, it's my first anniversary of being a manager! Today also marks a 12-month period of 30% loss in monthly income combined with 30+ hours/month of overtime. FML

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By whattalife - 2/9/2011 22:53 - United States

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

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By Shitsuo01 - 30/12/2016 01:56 - United States - Douglasville

Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML

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By backtothelaundrettethen - 3/12/2012 11:40 - Germany

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

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By lachaisse - 12/5/2013 12:09 - United States - Vinton

Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML

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By izhamilton - 20/2/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2016 18:54 - United Kingdom - Carlisle

Today, at a family dinner, I found the courage to tell my husband's parents about my schizophrenia. They exchanged weird looks and then there was an uncomfortable silence. Then my father-in-law finally says, "Christ. The grandkids won't come out all nutty, right?" FML

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Top comments

By zinoxity | 23

#5142861 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:08

Did you catch the guy's facial expression when you finally realized this?

By beth_ebdon | 6

#5142869 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:10

Why didnt he say anything...

COMMENTS

By zinoxity | 23

#5142861 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:08

Did you catch the guy's facial expression when you finally realized this?

Reply

damn_homie | 2

#5142910 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:14

I wish I could've seen the expression on his face. That would've been hilarious.

Reply

itsharkley | 8

#5143014 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5143058 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:43

Poor man getting his popcorn stolen, movie theaters rob you for like $8 per bag of popcorn!

Reply

decidedlyvague | 11

#5143467 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 1:17

He probably enjoyed it :P.

Reply

bandofsand | 10

#5143689 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:23

Maybe there was a hole in the bag.

Reply

JoshTheMaggot | 8

#5143966 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 4:04

If he let her eat it for half the movie he must not have cared. It would've been funny to see though

Reply

ProfessionalTrol_fml | 14

#5143984 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 4:10

Um, I'm pretty sure it's more of an FML for the guy sitting next to OP...

Reply

abu4u | 26

#5144387 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 11:58

Well erm that must be awkward lol

Reply

guy24 | 9

#5155674 - Friday 16 November 2012 19:24

Yay you spelled realized correctly... Z not an s

By trulymickeyj | 13

#5142863 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:08

That's so awkward. Your life sucks, lol!

Reply

FYLminesGREAT | 5

#5142920 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:14

Your comment sucks, lol!

Reply

bigtaytay | 13

#5143096 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:52

It's hilarious when you're stoned

By beth_ebdon | 6

#5142869 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:10

Why didnt he say anything...

Reply

SurfSnowSkate7 | 7

#5142986 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:22

Maybe she was attractive and made him nervous.

Reply

DerrickJames | 33

#5143003 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:25

It shouldn't be hard to believe that we have nice people in the world.

Reply

etchsanity1 | 11

#5143200 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:23

There was a hole in the tub ... Thankfully you didn't make it that far

Reply

Axipiter | 24

#5143599 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 1:56

Perhaps she did...

Reply

lukemack | 4

#5143647 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:09

He probably thought she was hitting on him and it was going to be his lucky day.

Reply

Tay_racer10 | 3

#5144065 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 5:06

You would just let someone take your $10 popcorn!?

Reply

jackien1 | 6

#5144342 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 10:15

I would have just moved my popcorn away if I didn't want to talk to OP

By Aspen_Grace33 | 27

#5142875 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:11

I'm surprised he didn't pick the popcorn up and put it on the other side!

Reply

iOceanus | 18

#5143081 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:50

Maybe he was lonely and wanted a girl to share his popcorn with!

Reply

ftw487 | 9

#5143391 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:57

Aww thats sad

Reply

Vimy | 6

#5143802 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 2:52

What I don't understand is how OP herself didn't realize till halfway through the movie... I mean, wouldn't you be aware as to which side your friend is sitting??

By LexieWins | 0

#5142879 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:11

Well as long as he didn't mind..in which case he was creepy! Or asleep.

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5143067 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:44

Or just shy maybe?...

Reply

Purrpurrpurr | 7

#5145744 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 22:28

Or dead.

By KVKdragon | 26

#5142881 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:11

Well, if the other guy hasn't said anything yet, you can switch back to your popcorn without starting an awkward scene. Don't fret ;)

Reply

geon_olam | 17

#5144220 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 7:50

If the guy hasn't said anything yet, he's likely to not say anything at all. Finish his popcorn before smoothly switching to yours!

By Welshite | 39

#5142916 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:14

OP: Woo, popcorn AND a movie!
Innocent movie goer: Uh, that's mi...
OP: *grabs another handful*

Reply

BairaiF | 0

#5142949 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:17

Some people just shouldnt comment, youre one of them

Reply

chickenflem | 8

#5142963 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:19

Actually I found his comment pretty funny. Yours on the other hand was not called for.

Reply

JudgeTroll | 6

#5142970 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:19

And you're another 14

Reply

KVKdragon | 26

#5142972 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:20

Who are you to say that? He's not a troll or a flame war starter. His comment was funny to me. Leave him alone >:(

Reply

happyllama12 | 5

#5143891 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 3:33

Innocent movie goer: uhmm
OP: shhh I'm trying to watch the movie
*grabs another handful yet again*

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5144122 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 5:56

Innocent movie goer: excuse me bu......
Op: seriously be quiet it's a good movie
*grabs yet another handful and takes a drink of his soda*

By CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5142923 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:15

Hey he didn't complain so I'd say it was free game. I bet it was pretty awkward when you realized that though. Haha. Maybe he thought you were cute? I'd let a cute girl eat my popcorn too.

By danial1214 | 21

#5142940 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:16

I would have given you the evil eye if that was my popcorn you were eating

By byRose | 7

#5142942 - Monday 12 November 2012 23:16

The guy is like, "She's taking my popcorn, she wants the D."

Reply

HentaiBunny | 4

#5143205 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 0:24

Lol that's what I was gonna write! Good thing I checked first.