Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

Waxing and waning

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying two minutes of my life. FML

Top o' the mornin' to ya

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

Ewwwwww

Today, my excruciating ear pain turned out to be a bastard maggot eating away at all the vital things behind my eardrum. The doctor pulled it out, but I’m now permanently deaf in that ear and can’t balance. I fall if I try to stand or walk further than 5 feet. FML

Creepy crawlies

Today, I discovered that it is possible for bugs to lay eggs in your ears. FML

I am the passenger

Today, when I went to the bathroom, I found an earwig in my underpants. Yes, it was alive. FML

Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML