Work: Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked...

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

By Alan

Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

Hi there you heteronormative cishets, being all monophonic and whatnot, and hi to all you other deviants as well! Who's up for...

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By Anonyme / Friday 29 January 2016 22:38 / China

Work

Understandable

Out of it

Non-baby fever

By crybaby - United States

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

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34542

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4120

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By aeterne - United States

Today, my boss informed me that it is now my responsibility to wash the dishes, since my co-workers are consistently too lazy to clean up after themselves. I have a bachelor's degree. Which I earned at the same university I now work at. FML

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54279

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2020 02:00

Deception

Today, I found out my roommate has been cheating me out of hundreds of dollars when I finally obtained records of the past year's electric bills, which are in her name. FML

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1685

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183

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By xyz - Ireland

Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response: "not significantly." FML

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17771

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30642

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By Anonymous

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

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2795

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623

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By BKCK4187 - United States

Today, I got aroused by the vanilla scent from an unused trash bag. FML

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28069

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6861

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By Boyufd - 2/1/2021 08:00

Forever alone man

Today, I feel so lonely I talked to the likely scam number that called me. Even then they hung up after 2 minutes of talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

706

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153

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By ugh thanks - United States - Dayton

Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

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46412

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6710

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By WestboroBC - United States

Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell. FML

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7415

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72199

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By Anonymous

Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML

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3886

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474

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By Professional_Ars

Today, the coworker I have a crush on left halfway through the busiest shift of the week, and now I have to work it alone. I eventually found out that she left to go on a date with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2790

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361

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By Manu - United States - Columbia

Today, I went to get my first manicure. While waiting, I looked at the menu board. When I wondered aloud: "I know what a French manicure is, but what on Earth is a Polish change?" The whole place started laughing and I guess I'm not going back. FML

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5694

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1564

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By kiki - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

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41741

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12583

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By Bigfoot

Today, I participated in an obstacle course. As I was going over a set of monkey bars, my balls got crushed between the bar and my gut. I barely managed to get down before blacking out in the middle of the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2918

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367

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By r1has - Pakistan - Rawalpindi

Today, someone spilled ammonium hydroxide in ethanol solution in the lab, which smells like very concentrated urine. Since the experiment involved Bunsen burners, we couldn't turn on the fans. We had to work in a lab that smelled like Satan's piss for 2 hours. FML

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15511

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1186

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By Charles Booth - 9/4/2021 14:00 - United States

Kids will be kids

Today, my 14 year-old got a 5-day suspension for fighting. He stood up for an 7th grader who was getting picked on. While the poor kid was eating lunch, they were messing with him when my son stepped in. There were some words said, then a fight. He feels terrible for fighting but I think he was in the right. FML

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1179

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By Big Baby

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

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7364

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782

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

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26384

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4214

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By foreverafatty - United States

Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML

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30535

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15757

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By girl on fire

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

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25332

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2706

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By womanlover12345 - Spain

Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

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39572

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8828

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By Anonymous - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I decided to delete my Facebook account. My older sister repeatedly called me in tears asking why I'm cutting her out of my life. It seems I can't get rid of social media without my family taking offence. FML

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24961

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2250

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By rice_cake - Australia

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of me and says "Oh very nice. How much?" I reply "You couldn't afford me." An old guy sitting next to me says "I bet I could" and puts his hand on my leg. I forfeited the bus and walked home in the rain. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my grandma has been sending me birthday money every year. My mom just steals it before I ever see it. FML

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57326

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3259

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By cestquoicebordel?? - France

Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML

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26780

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By Anonymous - United States - Winter Park

Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school, but there's only one problem: Everybody thinks I'm a teacher. I'm only a freshman. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that just because the actual part of the pan that does touch the stove isn't hot doesn't mean that the handle won't give you third degree burns, a broken nose from passing out from the pain, and an expensive trip to the emergency room. FML

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By confused - United States

Today, I went on a date for the first time in eight months. He didn't make a move. I then asked if we were on a date. He said, "I don't know, I guess." I can't tell either. FML

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By Roses are Red - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

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36318

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13065

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By lamponau - France

Today, my 6-year-old son said to me, "You smell nice daddy." Surprised but flattered, I thanked him. He then added, "I like the smell of cheese!'" FML

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36441

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6150

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By so_this_is_me - Canada - Brampton

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

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24772

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3520

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By roommateprobssss:( - United States

Today, my roommate pressed "snooze" on his alarm 14 times. I counted. FML

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26191

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2627

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By arther

Today, I got up at 3:15 a.m. to be ready for work at 5 a.m. I get to my work station to find absolutely no work to do. After talking with my boss, I was sent home with no pay. If I'd been employed there 3 weeks longer, I would've been paid for 4 hours. FML

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1669

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137

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By bloodyLIP - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

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27167

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14117

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML

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14395

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Today, I called 911 and got taken to hospital via ambulance after a suicide attempt. When I called my mom, the first thing she asked was, "How much is the ambulance going to cost?" FML

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2789

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946

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By frog - United Kingdom

Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML

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54261

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By WTF - United States - Bloomington

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML

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30899

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2152

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By Mel

Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML

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3227

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646

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By anonymous - Switzerland - Unterageri

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

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Top comments

By Jachin357 | 28

#6523954 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:34

do you work for bubba gump shrimp?

By RubX | 13

#6523958 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:37

I see a lot of possibilities, let your imagination loose, op!

COMMENTS

By Jachin357 | 28

#6523954 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:34

do you work for bubba gump shrimp?

MzZombicidal | 36

#6524143 - Saturday 30 January 2016 16:11

"There's shrimp couches, shrimp coffee tables, entertainment stand shrimp, shrimp lamps, shrimp beds, bookcase shrimps..."

that_guy_porter | 11

#6524349 - Saturday 30 January 2016 20:10

I love you.

wanted_2_want | 40

#6524684 - Sunday 31 January 2016 4:43

She'd better enlist Sponge Bob as a her adviser.

By karacakal2 | 30

#6523957 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:36

So ?

By RubX | 13

#6523958 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:37

I see a lot of possibilities, let your imagination loose, op!

By zainman13 | 26

#6523962 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:43

I see no bumps in this

By momac86 | 17

#6523964 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:44

That sounds hard as shell

By NotGabe | 28

#6523975 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:57

Make it edible and consider it sold

By DarkStorm2Bad | 14

#6523983 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:10

Talking about the illustration here, but I prefer the idea of a shrimp lamp over the idea of Finalsave38.psd.

By GigaPudding_fml | 24

#6523987 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:15

Your chance to be creative! Work with texture, changes in colour, shape... It will be cool!

By SoBeSatan | 22

#6523990 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:23

What an odd request! I would be interested to see what you come up with.

gobiteme2 | 34

#6524501 - Sunday 31 January 2016 0:26

Probably a shrimp shaped head that has a remarkable likeness to her boss.

By SK8WITME | 19

#6523998 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:33

I wonder what made him assign you such a task..

cprad11 | 12

#6524038 - Saturday 30 January 2016 13:14

Perhaps because China's economy semi-relies on the ocean's resources, which includes shrimp.