Work: Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked...

By Anonyme - 29/01/2016 22:38 - China - Shanghai

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 50

Work

Dysfunctional

Not the best reaction

Compassionate

Thanks Boris!

By Ella - 15/01/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after Boris made his Monday night lockdown announcement, my husband announced that no way can he handle another lockdown stuck in the house with me and two teenagers, so he drove all night to our static caravan and insists he’s staying there alone until lockdown is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 13/11/2008 02:46 - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend who is going out with someone else. But at least I now know that he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 578

You deserved it 4 345

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 269

You deserved it 16 728

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband never wanted to marry me, he only did because I wouldn't quit pestering him to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 028

You deserved it 56 332

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 20:57 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 817

You deserved it 6 119

By ac32 - 11/04/2011 16:05 - Canada

Today, I bought myself a brand-new 52" flatscreen. It was only in my house for 2 hours before my toddler had a tantrum, threw a toy right into the screen and wrecked it beyond repair. I paid to have a nice TV for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 258

You deserved it 9 658

By HoShiz - 25/10/2009 14:18 - Canada

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 413

You deserved it 4 806

By Anonymous - 18/04/2013 23:08 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 970

You deserved it 6 550

By Bawsack - 22/11/2016 09:45 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 610

You deserved it 1 317

By anonymous - 30/06/2017 15:34

Today, it seems that getting an apartment with a couple was a bad idea. They agree on everything, so my opinion never seems to matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 030

You deserved it 885

By P0wned - 29/09/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 887

You deserved it 5 249

By Anonymous - 14/02/2018 08:30

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 7 months to come over on Valentine's Day so I can cook dinner for him. He asked if he could invite his wife over as well. Guess who's newly single right before Valentine's Day! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 465

You deserved it 559

By karina17 - 18/10/2009 05:03 - Canada

Today, my dad was supposed to come see me for our twice-a-year visit. He was 3 hours late. So I called, and asked him why he was late - he said 'Oh, something came up'. I asked him what was so important. Apparently, the garage needed cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 280

You deserved it 2 302

That's not how quarantine works

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 20:00

Today, I sat down in a hair salon. The guy getting his hair cut before me then told the girl doing the cutting that he's on a 2-week quarantine and he's not sure whether or not he's got Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 81

Beautiful

By Anonymous - 10/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 442

By areyoukiddingme - 02/11/2015 05:54 - United States - Marion

Today, my roommate blocked my phone number and won't speak to me. All because I mistakenly used her hand soap, thinking it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 978

You deserved it 2 166

By rainyday - 12/02/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I said that at least I was always there for him when he needed me. He said "When did I need you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 964

You deserved it 6 289

By PairOfSocks - 17/10/2016 20:55 - Finland - Tampere

Today, one of my friends bought a wedding dress for her upcoming wedding. My other friend intends to propose to her boyfriend and ordered rings. I too made a purchase: a pair of socks for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 901

You deserved it 1 228

By wideawake - 19/07/2010 08:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 215

You deserved it 5 525

Alarmed

By Anonymous - 08/09/2019 20:01

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 97

By cyprianista - 13/02/2015 16:13 - United States - Houston

Today, I spent an ungodly amount of money to send my long-distance boyfriend a giant bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. A few hours after making the non-refundable payment, he let me know we weren't going to work out, and that he was already sleeping with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 088

You deserved it 4 398

By rmo1776 - 06/04/2009 06:16 - United States

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 983

You deserved it 48 938

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 321

You deserved it 4 074

By Jess - 04/05/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 775

You deserved it 3 529

By Ghettogirl4life - 12/07/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 963

You deserved it 3 157

By 4yrldkicker - 29/07/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 671

You deserved it 23 451

By lils - 05/08/2012 17:45 - United States

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 716

You deserved it 3 064

By ew - 12/04/2016 17:53 - United States

Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 058

You deserved it 3 041

By iskiel - 26/10/2014 05:53 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 157

You deserved it 2 653

By CHEERS, TUMBLTARD - 13/09/2013 21:31

Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 735

You deserved it 12 498

By Ricky - 16/05/2009 21:19 - Canada

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 283

You deserved it 47 734

Good morning

By JohnX - 25/09/2021 08:00

Today, I woke up early in the morning after sleeping 3 hours. Stepped into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee like usual. I was sipping my hot coffee while studying, until I noticed a small roach skeleton. I found 3 more in my coffee maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 134

By InsertPopcicle - 22/11/2013 06:53 - United States

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 110

You deserved it 12 797

By Lisa - 24/09/2018 14:33

Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 237

By Lunazel93 - 22/10/2012 04:07 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 346

You deserved it 1 905

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking one off and my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes... that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 336

You deserved it 10 377

By Anonymous - 07/08/2017 05:00

Today, I traveled to my hometown for a funeral. I'm staying with my family in the house I grew up in. My dad told me they'd "completely renovated" the house. There's still only one bathroom for the seven of us and I'm sleeping on the floor for the entire two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 051

You deserved it 397

By Superficial - 09/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being superficial. She said I was superficial because I paid $100 for acne medication, because she always complained about how much acne I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 921

You deserved it 2 671

By ballnchain - 30/03/2010 16:04 - United States

Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 431

You deserved it 19 931

Smooth Operator

By kingpig - 02/02/2012 18:00 - Sweden

Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 899

You deserved it 3 736

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Top comments

Jachin357 28

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Saturday 30 January 2016 10:34

do you work for bubba gump shrimp?

RubX 13

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Saturday 30 January 2016 10:37

I see a lot of possibilities, let your imagination loose, op!

Jachin357 28

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Saturday 30 January 2016 10:34

do you work for bubba gump shrimp?

MzZombicidal 36

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Saturday 30 January 2016 16:11

"There's shrimp couches, shrimp coffee tables, entertainment stand shrimp, shrimp lamps, shrimp beds, bookcase shrimps..."

that_guy_porter 11

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Saturday 30 January 2016 20:10

I love you.

wanted_2_want 40

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Sunday 31 January 2016 4:43

She'd better enlist Sponge Bob as a her adviser.

karacakal2 30

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Saturday 30 January 2016 10:36

So ?

RubX 13

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Saturday 30 January 2016 10:37

I see a lot of possibilities, let your imagination loose, op!

zainman13 26

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Saturday 30 January 2016 10:43

I see no bumps in this

momac86 17

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Saturday 30 January 2016 10:44

That sounds hard as shell

NotGabe 28

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Saturday 30 January 2016 10:57

Make it edible and consider it sold

DarkStorm2Bad 14

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Saturday 30 January 2016 11:10

Talking about the illustration here, but I prefer the idea of a shrimp lamp over the idea of Finalsave38.psd.

GigaPudding_fml 24

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Saturday 30 January 2016 11:15

Your chance to be creative! Work with texture, changes in colour, shape... It will be cool!

SoBeSatan 22

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Saturday 30 January 2016 11:23

What an odd request! I would be interested to see what you come up with.

gobiteme2 34

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Sunday 31 January 2016 0:26

Probably a shrimp shaped head that has a remarkable likeness to her boss.

SK8WITME 19

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Saturday 30 January 2016 11:33

I wonder what made him assign you such a task..

cprad11 12

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Saturday 30 January 2016 13:14

Perhaps because China's economy semi-relies on the ocean's resources, which includes shrimp.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 2 062

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 191

Thanks Boris!

That's not how quarantine works

Beautiful

Alarmed

Good morning

Smooth Operator

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