Work: Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked...

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

By Alan

Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

Hi there you heteronormative cishets, being all monophonic and whatnot, and hi to all you other deviants as well! Who's up for...

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By Anonyme / Friday 29 January 2016 22:38 / China

Work

Out of it

Taking stock

Public transport FTW

By Username - France

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

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34531

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5866

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By badluck - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

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59250

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5730

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

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30559

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3044

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By Snorlax - Australia - Sydney

Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

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53601

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14683

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By squishy - United States

Today, my 4-year-old niece told me she likes it when I'm around because I'm "squishy and smell like fried chicken all the time." FML

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12426

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25543

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By bunintheoven - United States - Seligman

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

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33321

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5076

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By stdfree_hopefully

Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told me he wasn't really into me and asked to be friends. Then, he apologised because he has herpes. FML

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8595

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2089

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By fluent in two, unlike you - Mexico

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

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39649

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3802

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By mild banana - United States - Cedar Hill

Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML

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11862

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1204

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By jessica071509 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

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50214

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3672

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By Anonymous

Invisible Woman

Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1185

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347

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By UnfortunatelySingle - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28333

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3354

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By ShanghaiSam - China - Shanghai

Today, I found out half of the staff at work have been spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my boss. The other half are spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my subordinate. In reality, every night I go home to an apartment so empty that I don't even have condiments, to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6088

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356

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By kallens - United States

Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24692

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2505

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By wowza - United States

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

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29397

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2455

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By J.O.S - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

The more things change…

Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the '90s. FML

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36037

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9493

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time in years, I broke down in tears, over a Hallmark commercial. FML

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26150

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6839

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By smallpaycheck - United States

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

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50910

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4043

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By koletatlow19 - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

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26975

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3810

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By fml9124

New urinal

Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink like a urinal. FML

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1708

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292

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By tinyfeet - New Zealand

Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML

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20379

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1279

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By never-even-owned-a-car - 30/8/2020 17:02

Broke

Today, it's the tenth anniversary of me getting my driver's license. My record is perfect: no accidents, no tickets. Today is also the tenth anniversary of the last time I drove a car. FML

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1083

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471

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By bananna - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

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50058

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6081

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By Anonymous

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

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1426

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100

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By leanne - 16/12/2020 17:58 - United States - Denver

Seasons greetings to you too

Today, I said hi to my coworker and she immediately yelled, "Get your gross unwashed hands out of my face!" I wash my hands compulsively and they were nowhere near her face. FML

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797

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML

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43999

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2600

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By Anonymous - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

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45189

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3648

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards driving. She was very supportive and even made me an appointment to see a psychologist. His office is two hours away. I have to drive to see my doctor about my fear of driving. FML

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26592

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3410

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By Rainbow92 - Bulgaria

Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53915

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11408

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By epicsandwichartist - United States

Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

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35749

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3620

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By jadalaheart - United States - Citrus Heights

Distant love

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

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1696

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179

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By embarrassed - United Kingdom

Question Time

Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said "hopefully never." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39345

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2784

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

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25793

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5663

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By Chan - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35085

You deserved it

3122

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By so embarrassed - United States - South Salem

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML

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27959

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4289

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49693

You deserved it

4122

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

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47880

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3819

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By jooshuarr - Spain

Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37623

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4708

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By Ouchithurt - United States

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

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49841

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20973

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML

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Top comments

By Jachin357 | 28

#6523954 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:34

do you work for bubba gump shrimp?

By RubX | 13

#6523958 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:37

I see a lot of possibilities, let your imagination loose, op!

COMMENTS

By Jachin357 | 28

#6523954 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:34

do you work for bubba gump shrimp?

MzZombicidal | 36

#6524143 - Saturday 30 January 2016 16:11

"There's shrimp couches, shrimp coffee tables, entertainment stand shrimp, shrimp lamps, shrimp beds, bookcase shrimps..."

that_guy_porter | 11

#6524349 - Saturday 30 January 2016 20:10

I love you.

wanted_2_want | 40

#6524684 - Sunday 31 January 2016 4:43

She'd better enlist Sponge Bob as a her adviser.

By karacakal2 | 30

#6523957 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:36

So ?

By RubX | 13

#6523958 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:37

I see a lot of possibilities, let your imagination loose, op!

By zainman13 | 26

#6523962 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:43

I see no bumps in this

By momac86 | 17

#6523964 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:44

That sounds hard as shell

By NotGabe | 28

#6523975 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:57

Make it edible and consider it sold

By DarkStorm2Bad | 14

#6523983 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:10

Talking about the illustration here, but I prefer the idea of a shrimp lamp over the idea of Finalsave38.psd.

By GigaPudding_fml | 24

#6523987 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:15

Your chance to be creative! Work with texture, changes in colour, shape... It will be cool!

By SoBeSatan | 22

#6523990 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:23

What an odd request! I would be interested to see what you come up with.

gobiteme2 | 34

#6524501 - Sunday 31 January 2016 0:26

Probably a shrimp shaped head that has a remarkable likeness to her boss.

By SK8WITME | 19

#6523998 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:33

I wonder what made him assign you such a task..

cprad11 | 12

#6524038 - Saturday 30 January 2016 13:14

Perhaps because China's economy semi-relies on the ocean's resources, which includes shrimp.