Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML By Alan Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML Hi there you heteronormative cishets, being all monophonic and whatnot, and hi to all you other deviants as well! Who's up for... 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share By Anonyme / Friday 29 January 2016 22:38 / China
By Alan Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML Hi there you heteronormative cishets, being all monophonic and whatnot, and hi to all you other deviants as well! Who's up for... 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - France Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML I agree, your life sucks 34531 You deserved it 5866 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By badluck - Canada - Medicine Hat Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML I agree, your life sucks 59250 You deserved it 5730 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 30559 You deserved it 3044 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Snorlax - Australia - Sydney Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML I agree, your life sucks 53601 You deserved it 14683 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By squishy - United States Today, my 4-year-old niece told me she likes it when I'm around because I'm "squishy and smell like fried chicken all the time." FML I agree, your life sucks 12426 You deserved it 25543 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bunintheoven - United States - Seligman Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML I agree, your life sucks 33321 You deserved it 5076 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stdfree_hopefully Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told me he wasn't really into me and asked to be friends. Then, he apologised because he has herpes. FML I agree, your life sucks 8595 You deserved it 2089 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fluent in two, unlike you - Mexico Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML I agree, your life sucks 39649 You deserved it 3802 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mild banana - United States - Cedar Hill Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 11862 You deserved it 1204 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jessica071509 - United States - Phoenix Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML I agree, your life sucks 50214 You deserved it 3672 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Invisible Woman Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML I agree, your life sucks 1185 You deserved it 347 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By UnfortunatelySingle - United States - Portland Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML I agree, your life sucks 28333 You deserved it 3354 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ShanghaiSam - China - Shanghai Today, I found out half of the staff at work have been spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my boss. The other half are spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my subordinate. In reality, every night I go home to an apartment so empty that I don't even have condiments, to sleep alone. FML I agree, your life sucks 6088 You deserved it 356 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kallens - United States Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 24692 You deserved it 2505 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wowza - United States Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML I agree, your life sucks 29397 You deserved it 2455 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By J.O.S - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada The more things change… Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the '90s. FML I agree, your life sucks 36037 You deserved it 9493 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, for the first time in years, I broke down in tears, over a Hallmark commercial. FML I agree, your life sucks 26150 You deserved it 6839 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By smallpaycheck - United States Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML I agree, your life sucks 50910 You deserved it 4043 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By koletatlow19 - Canada Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML I agree, your life sucks 26975 You deserved it 3810 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fml9124 New urinal Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink like a urinal. FML I agree, your life sucks 1708 You deserved it 292 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tinyfeet - New Zealand Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML I agree, your life sucks 20379 You deserved it 1279 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By never-even-owned-a-car - 30/8/2020 17:02 Broke Today, it's the tenth anniversary of me getting my driver's license. My record is perfect: no accidents, no tickets. Today is also the tenth anniversary of the last time I drove a car. FML I agree, your life sucks 1083 You deserved it 471 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bananna - Australia - Sydney Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML I agree, your life sucks 50058 You deserved it 6081 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML I agree, your life sucks 1426 You deserved it 100 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By leanne - 16/12/2020 17:58 - United States - Denver Seasons greetings to you too Today, I said hi to my coworker and she immediately yelled, "Get your gross unwashed hands out of my face!" I wash my hands compulsively and they were nowhere near her face. FML I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 66 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML I agree, your life sucks 43999 You deserved it 2600 260 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Mayotte - Mamoudzou Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML I agree, your life sucks 45189 You deserved it 3648 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards driving. She was very supportive and even made me an appointment to see a psychologist. His office is two hours away. I have to drive to see my doctor about my fear of driving. FML I agree, your life sucks 26592 You deserved it 3410 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rainbow92 - Bulgaria Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML I agree, your life sucks 53915 You deserved it 11408 372 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By epicsandwichartist - United States Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML I agree, your life sucks 35749 You deserved it 3620 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jadalaheart - United States - Citrus Heights Distant love Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML I agree, your life sucks 1696 You deserved it 179 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By embarrassed - United Kingdom Question Time Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said "hopefully never." FML I agree, your life sucks 39345 You deserved it 2784 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML I agree, your life sucks 25793 You deserved it 5663 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chan - United States Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML I agree, your life sucks 35085 You deserved it 3122 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By so embarrassed - United States - South Salem Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML I agree, your life sucks 27959 You deserved it 4289 237 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML I agree, your life sucks 49693 You deserved it 4122 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML I agree, your life sucks 47880 You deserved it 3819 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jooshuarr - Spain Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 37623 You deserved it 4708 186 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ouchithurt - United States Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML I agree, your life sucks 49841 You deserved it 20973 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML I agree, your life sucks 51895 You deserved it 4856 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jachin357 | 28 #6523954 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:34 do you work for bubba gump shrimp? Send a private message 153 4 Reply
By RubX | 13 #6523958 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:37 I see a lot of possibilities, let your imagination loose, op! Send a private message 108 3 Reply
By Jachin357 | 28 #6523954 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:34 do you work for bubba gump shrimp? Send a private message 153 4 Reply
Reply MzZombicidal | 36 #6524143 - Saturday 30 January 2016 16:11 "There's shrimp couches, shrimp coffee tables, entertainment stand shrimp, shrimp lamps, shrimp beds, bookcase shrimps..." Send a private message 44 0 Reply
Reply that_guy_porter | 11 #6524349 - Saturday 30 January 2016 20:10 I love you. Send a private message 3 1 Reply
Reply wanted_2_want | 40 #6524684 - Sunday 31 January 2016 4:43 She'd better enlist Sponge Bob as a her adviser. Send a private message 3 1 Reply
By RubX | 13 #6523958 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:37 I see a lot of possibilities, let your imagination loose, op! Send a private message 108 3 Reply
By zainman13 | 26 #6523962 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:43 I see no bumps in this Send a private message 15 5 Reply
By momac86 | 17 #6523964 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:44 That sounds hard as shell Send a private message 52 3 Reply
By NotGabe | 28 #6523975 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:57 Make it edible and consider it sold Send a private message 20 3 Reply
By DarkStorm2Bad | 14 #6523983 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:10 Talking about the illustration here, but I prefer the idea of a shrimp lamp over the idea of Finalsave38.psd. Send a private message 14 2 Reply
By GigaPudding_fml | 24 #6523987 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:15 Your chance to be creative! Work with texture, changes in colour, shape... It will be cool! Send a private message 24 2 Reply
By SoBeSatan | 22 #6523990 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:23 What an odd request! I would be interested to see what you come up with. Send a private message 13 2 Reply
Reply gobiteme2 | 34 #6524501 - Sunday 31 January 2016 0:26 Probably a shrimp shaped head that has a remarkable likeness to her boss. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By SK8WITME | 19 #6523998 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:33 I wonder what made him assign you such a task.. Send a private message 5 3 Reply
Reply cprad11 | 12 #6524038 - Saturday 30 January 2016 13:14 Perhaps because China's economy semi-relies on the ocean's resources, which includes shrimp. Send a private message 11 1 Reply
Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without... I agree, your life sucks 15 You deserved it 2 0 Comments
Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 73 4 Comments