Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked...

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

By Alan - 29/1/2016 04:13

Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

Hi there you heteronormative cishets, being all monophonic and whatnot, and hi to all you other deviants as well! Who's up for...

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By Anonyme / Friday 29 January 2016 22:38 / China

Work

Tense

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Risky business

By Kid Lacef - 31/10/2018 15:30

Today, I asked my girlfriend for a kiss, and in response, she suggested that we settle for a hand hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3047

You deserved it

319

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 23:01 - United States - Georgetown

Make it work

Today, I got my hair cut short, as it hasn’t been cut in well over a year and I was getting sick of dealing with it. I told the hairdresser I would probably look like a boy but she said it would look cute, and that she’d make sure it looks feminine. I loved how it came out, until the kid at CVS asked, “Can I help you sir?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

833

You deserved it

247

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2012 05:24 - United States

Exposure

Today, I received an e-mail from my girlfriend's parents telling me that all the dirty e-mails I've been sending to her while she is away have been accessible by the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29144

You deserved it

13817

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By Ms Yeins - 26/4/2019 14:00 - Belgium - Mechelen

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2046

You deserved it

153

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By CheapFamily - 9/4/2014 23:47 - United States

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56365

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3786

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2017 20:00

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6757

You deserved it

1567

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By Sal - 9/2/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85459

You deserved it

5234

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By Meowitzer - 14/9/2019 22:00

Classy Mom

Today, I was elected "class mom", even though I didn’t want to do it. I was also handed several envelopes in the hectic school hallway, containing parental cash contributions for the year. I lost several of the envelopes while rushing to my car, and now have to contribute €100 instead of €25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1193

You deserved it

993

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By ripmyphone - 13/1/2016 01:18 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, while I was walking across a bridge, a prepubescent middle schooler grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it into the water. His friend filmed it, high-fived him, and they both ran off. I got that phone less than a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24907

You deserved it

1674

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 20:00

It's mine now

Today, my best friend's boyfriend stole her car, so now she wants my car, the one that I just bought from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1505

You deserved it

118

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By UUUGHHH - 5/2/2016 20:33 - France - Villejuif

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22041

You deserved it

2688

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By Lousydriver - 18/8/2011 13:07 - Canada

Today, I was about to drive out of a parking lot. The space in front of me was empty, so I figured I could drive forward. I'd not noticed that there was a median in front, and my car got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9176

You deserved it

31172

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By BadFather - 21/11/2011 06:23 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14676

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42799

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 15:01 - United States

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36742

You deserved it

3328

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of my clothes. She's currently wearing a very small pair of short shorts and a very tight tank top. We're going to a very prestigious golf course and she won't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34150

You deserved it

4949

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By Frazzled - 10/4/2011 10:59 - United States

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29432

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11231

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By canadiansun - 26/2/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24114

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4014

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By Lokimagnus - 25/3/2020 23:05

Rookie mistake

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

688

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2605

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By bbb - 11/1/2017 07:36

Today, I wasn't able to reply to Facebook chat message immediately, so my friends planned holiday and bought flights without me. FML

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5713

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851

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2020 08:00

Hello everyone!

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

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2137

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262

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By OhaiiKid - 7/3/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

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11428

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25965

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 02:25 - United States - Binghamton

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

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29855

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3412

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2020 05:08

Targeted

Today, I woke up and went down to my apartment's underground garage/laundry area to do my laundry and noticed my family's car in the back of the lot, as far away from the garage door as can be, had been broken into. The other, more expensive cars around the garage were untouched. FML

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1336

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By alf - 27/10/2008 02:34 - France

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

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74760

You deserved it

7228

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By Tyler - 6/5/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I work at McDonald's. The entire crew, myself included, got visibly excited that we had new trash cans and dust pans. FML

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36614

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7935

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2018 15:00

Today, I found out I have a new allergy: the sun. My face is so swollen that it has started to bleed to relieve the pressure. Today is also day 6 of the 3-month European trip that I spent all year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4273

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292

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 12:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51973

You deserved it

9757

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By Goatkvlt - 22/11/2008 07:02 - France

Today, my electric razor fell flat right after I had finished with my first cheek. And of course I don't have a manual one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25653

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5863

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8148

You deserved it

883

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By KitKat20 - 18/10/2016 13:05 - United States - Fargo

Today, I got up early for a doctor's appointment and chugged two cups of coffee. Ten minutes before I was supposed to leave, my doctor calls asking to reschedule, which would have been fine had I not cleared my whole day for this appointment. Now I'm too wired to go back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11242

You deserved it

1508

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By DesperateBich - 28/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was in band rehearsing for a big concert coming up. Since the band was practicing with the orchestra and there weren’t enough seats, we had to stand. My back was facing everyone when my friend tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to my ass. I got my period and everyone saw the stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2961

You deserved it

191

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By familydisaster - 5/8/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job at a local family-ran restaurant. The Reason? The owner's daughter has been stealing money from the register little by little and has blamed me for all the lost money. The boss is still convinced it's me, though, because his daughter would "never tell a lie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52339

You deserved it

2499

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By creimers - 1/7/2020 23:01

Tis the season

Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1544

You deserved it

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By oh gee, you don't say - 15/12/2012 18:43 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23910

You deserved it

4625

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

156797

You deserved it

17957

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By Sweet Jesus - 18/6/2020 14:02

NCIS: Dumbass Response Team

Today, when my almost-16-year-old asked if the 9-1-1 phone number was named after 9/11, I forgave her because she wasn't even born when it happened, but when my 18-year-old asked if jelly comes from jellyfish, I wondered if I've failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1294

You deserved it

617

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By syle - 13/11/2008 06:51 - France

Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33716

You deserved it

7603

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By T___T - 12/9/2015 01:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that no, my period arriving several days late doesn't mean I have AIDS. FML

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27282

You deserved it

2277

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By TacoFail - 2/1/2010 04:46 - United States

Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5979

You deserved it

60444

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By teacher - 25/1/2013 05:25 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35494

You deserved it

3164

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Top comments

By Jachin357 | 28

#6523954 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:34

do you work for bubba gump shrimp?

By RubX | 13

#6523958 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:37

I see a lot of possibilities, let your imagination loose, op!

COMMENTS

By Jachin357 | 28

#6523954 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:34

do you work for bubba gump shrimp?

MzZombicidal | 36

#6524143 - Saturday 30 January 2016 16:11

"There's shrimp couches, shrimp coffee tables, entertainment stand shrimp, shrimp lamps, shrimp beds, bookcase shrimps..."

that_guy_porter | 11

#6524349 - Saturday 30 January 2016 20:10

I love you.

wanted_2_want | 40

#6524684 - Sunday 31 January 2016 4:43

She'd better enlist Sponge Bob as a her adviser.

By karacakal2 | 30

#6523957 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:36

So ?

By RubX | 13

#6523958 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:37

I see a lot of possibilities, let your imagination loose, op!

By zainman13 | 26

#6523962 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:43

I see no bumps in this

By momac86 | 17

#6523964 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:44

That sounds hard as shell

By NotGabe | 28

#6523975 - Saturday 30 January 2016 10:57

Make it edible and consider it sold

By DarkStorm2Bad | 14

#6523983 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:10

Talking about the illustration here, but I prefer the idea of a shrimp lamp over the idea of Finalsave38.psd.

By GigaPudding_fml | 24

#6523987 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:15

Your chance to be creative! Work with texture, changes in colour, shape... It will be cool!

By SoBeSatan | 22

#6523990 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:23

What an odd request! I would be interested to see what you come up with.

gobiteme2 | 34

#6524501 - Sunday 31 January 2016 0:26

Probably a shrimp shaped head that has a remarkable likeness to her boss.

By SK8WITME | 19

#6523998 - Saturday 30 January 2016 11:33

I wonder what made him assign you such a task..

cprad11 | 12

#6524038 - Saturday 30 January 2016 13:14

Perhaps because China's economy semi-relies on the ocean's resources, which includes shrimp.