By jillie minaj - 09/07/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks 7 096
You deserved it 61 210

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Alright, let's go ahead and get you right out of society. There we go.

Pack your toothbrush and say your good byes


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sarahlove281 4

She made a bad situation even worse by insulting her lawyer's wife. On top of all of it, she's also broke, and could potentially go to jail for breaking parole.

syley 5

Op insluts his lawyer's secretary, turns out to be lawyer's wife. op basically pissed his lawyer off by calling his wife/secretary (unknowingly) "hideous"

dominic1221 6

Shit, how #1 had 3 thumbs up just now, I'll never know. Can't people READ anymore?

OP, why would you think it would be a good idea to insult your lawyer's secretary to his face?

GovernorGeneral 8

^ OP didn't know she was his laywers wife -_-

GovernorGeneral 8

Oops. Sorry 27 i misread your comment 3;

65: There's nothing quite like in-sluting a pretty secretary

I do

How did you write this from jail??

I'm just curious why OP would bring the secretary into it, I could understand if she sucked at her job or was nasty to people but she questioned her attorney because his secretary wasn't good looking? It seems a little shallow to me but I also don't know OP or the secretary.

I think she deserves it for getting arrested in the first place.

Pack your toothbrush and say your good byes

Remember, don't drop any soap.

hockeyoceancity 13

Does the soap thing matter if you are in a women's jail? They might slap your ass but you never hear of anything bad happening in a women's jail shower area.

#17 Have you seen a T.V. program about prisons? Both male and female are scary as shit. Those offenders of society are the real deal. Have you seen some of those women? They're seriously scary as hell.

From what I've seen about woman's prison's on tv they're all hot. Even the guards. But that was cable tv...

hockeyoceancity 13

24- I know but does the soap being dropped still have any reaction out of the women? I mean some of them look manly as hell but they can't really do something to a woman bending over? Slap their ass maybe but i hope to god that they wouldn't be like... uhh.. how to say this without sounding like a perv... Would they insert any body parts in the woman's ******? I've never heard stories of bad shower accidents in women jails.

Two words, 46: Mop Handle.

My mom works at the male state prison in Florida. She hates working at the women's because women are atrocious in jail. More fights, more problems, more attitude, more idiotic women. In women prisons, other women become "slaves" to other women. It's the way it is

59 you are exactly spot on your call. Women are far worse then men in situations like this. Op don't forget white underwear and tee ***** otherwise you will be commando under your jump suit. Gross.

I agree with 24, some of those prison ladies could beat the shit out of me. Those are not women, they are men... I've seen UFC and Boxing matches less violent and brutal than those cows on "Lockup". I thought I was a tough kid for playing a contact sport, Jesus, I wouldn't last 3 seconds in a hardcore women's jail. So 17, maybe "don't drop the soap" doesn't apply to FEMALES, but some other hardcore shit still goes down.

French_Toast_fml 3

71- tee SHITS?

90, haha good catch. I so didn't notice that

You are going to rape so many people I bet

You are going to rape so many guys

Hahaha! Oh and he should also turn gay if going back to prison. Just kidding I know people on here can't take a joke (^-^)

Hahaha! Yeaaa he is going back to jail.

Herculesninja27 5

Killed two birds with one stone huh....

If you mean by "got ****** twice by one stone", then yes.


Is the OP stupid or something. Jeez. Smooth move to insult your lawyers wife. You really shouldn't insult people to other people. That's mean. And stupid.

Dajucy1 7

Its not like you could've trust a lawyer to begin with

hockeyoceancity 13

Actually you can? They want to win, they don't care if you're guilty or not!

5- I'm guessing you're also one of those people who hate on cops because they're doing their jobs? Jesus, your comment just made you seem really ignorant so take a step back and think "if I did some stupid crap and got in trouble with the law, would I really want to represent myself in court and guarantee a prison sentence?"

Trisha_aus 15

Better call Saul!

Breaking Bad is the greatest show of all time

Trisha_aus 15

Yo That's right...BITCH! ;)

When is it ever a good idea to insult someone that could be close to your Lawyer? If they weren't family, they could've become friends

I hate girls that judge other girls on their looks

etoilenuit 15

It's funny she's judging someone on their looks, when someone could judge her on stupidity. Stupidity makes you a bigger loser than someone who isn't attractive..

OP sounds like a gargantuan prick

Alright, let's go ahead and get you right out of society. There we go.

Why would you even comment on his secretary?

hockeyoceancity 13

Failed attempt in becoming friendly with the lawyor; trying to make a laugh.

xk75 4

Bc the op's an ass who deserves to have the book thrown at him or her. And the "savings" the op spent was probably around three fifty.

You mean tree fiddy, don't you?

22cute 17

Sounds like Op was trying to hit on her attorney and it backfired big time, to me! 68- it takes at least $3000-5000 retainer hire an attorney.

Ikr like I think he has no brain


solosohigh 15

sounds like you really have your life together. how surprising that you are rude as ****.

No better way to put it.

What is wrong with you? Even if she wasn't his wife, why would you just insult her like that? If that's just the kind of small-talk you make then, combined with already being on parole, you seen like I nasty piece of sucks that you're being accused of something you apparently haven't done but I can't help but feel this may just be karma for a load of other crap...

he never said he didnt do it..