Health: Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. My doctor said it was okay...

lol the mashed potatoes I had were kind of chunky, and so after I threw up, there were still bits of it left in my nose. I had to blow my nose to get them out, and so I blew chunks of taters out my nose into the tissue. my mom almost fainted. :)

Health

Mother of the year

I blame the parents

Cujo, but for cats

Pampered

By really karen?! - 29/09/2021 20:00

Today, I had to place a call home because a student was late every single day. The mom rudely replied, “Yeah well she doesn’t really like getting up in the mornings. Can’t you just wait and start class like 30 minutes later?” Now I have to have a conference with this spoiled brat and her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 71

04/08/2011 02:43

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 759

You deserved it 4 237

11/12/2018 15:30

Today, my mother once again called me to remind me what a disappointment I am despite having two degrees, a house, a professional job and having never been unemployed at 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 090

You deserved it 174

02/01/2015 05:36

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 676

You deserved it 4 719

Thanks for your concern

By nothealthy - 29/03/2016 04:51

Today, my sister called after she found out I was hospitalized with surgery complications. Worried about me? Wondering if I'm okay? Nope. Just mad that I texted her an update rather than calling. I didn't call because I had surgery on my throat and can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 944

You deserved it 1 226

09/07/2013 02:02

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 826

You deserved it 5 434

03/06/2011 01:07

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 264

You deserved it 3 520

24/07/2016 17:58

Today, my family, grandma included, took some time to discuss whether or not olive oil is a suitable substitute for lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 521

You deserved it 1 958

17/05/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 804

You deserved it 266

23/01/2009 10:16

Today, we received a wedding invitation from a couple who are renting an apartment from us. They haven't paid rent for several months. My father is listed as the "principal sponsor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 117

You deserved it 2 328

Hungry

By The gay child - 09/05/2018 19:00

Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 417

03/06/2009 05:40

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 760

You deserved it 5 004

30/11/2010 19:10

Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 801

You deserved it 5 602

07/03/2010 01:17

Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 568

You deserved it 27 970

07/01/2012 19:47

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 986

You deserved it 4 061

Broken bum

By P DarklyKira - 06/05/2020 17:00

Today, marks the 29th day since I missed my haemorrhoid surgery. They told me to wait because it's not life threatening and so that I don't get the virus going to the hospital, which I understand. The problem is, even though I take suppositories, it hurts badly and bleed each time I have to take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 113

05/04/2013 11:04

Today, I carried flat-packed boxes home from work to move my things into a new apartment. Whilst walking down the street, the wind kept blowing and spinning me round. A crowd eventually gathered, mistaking me for a street performer. Nobody helped or even threw me any loose change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 054

You deserved it 3 791

Great, some ice cream!

By Anna - 11/10/2019 06:00

Today, after three years of working at my current occupation, they decided to give me a bonus for all of my hard work and effort. A 5$ gift card to Cold Stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 185

09/08/2019 12:00

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 119

17/08/2011 00:05

Today, I found out that I was moving to Germany. I'm going to be put back a year in school because of the system change. I also don't speak a word of German. Why? Because my mother wants to brag about this experience to her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 878

You deserved it 2 778

16/11/2008 03:36

Today, I drank a beer that I thought was mine, it wasn't and someone had put out their cigarette in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 446

You deserved it 11 854

29/08/2010 17:51

Today, I was chosen out of 64 women to model for the catalog of a new clothing store. Just when my self-confidence took a dramatic boost, I looked at the evaluation sheet. I was picked due to attributes such as my "extra large figure and average face" to make below average women feel beautiful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 426

You deserved it 4 609

04/12/2015 21:47

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university 2 years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 621

You deserved it 4 681

18/03/2010 04:02

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 435

You deserved it 18 878

06/06/2015 01:00

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 757

You deserved it 2 988

16/01/2011 10:48

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 584

You deserved it 71 711

27/07/2010 13:56

Today, I went surfing. One of my instructors came up to me and told me that the other, good looking, instructor didn't have a girlfriend. Who then turned around and said "I do if you are trying to set me up with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 260

You deserved it 4 046

13/06/2010 09:56

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 219

You deserved it 3 319

25/04/2009 04:35

Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy says "Mommy" and the mom looks down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walks out. The boy peed on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 996

You deserved it 2 602

05/10/2014 16:02

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 184

You deserved it 4 314

13/11/2010 21:45

Today, my boyfriend told me I was the only girl he'd ever text, call, or flirt with again. Later on he told two other girls exactly the same thing on Facebook, not realizing that everybody can read wall messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 730

You deserved it 3 734

09/06/2019 12:41

Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 91

23/08/2012 13:42

Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 096

You deserved it 81 933

09/07/2019 20:00

Today, I woke my boyfriend up at 7 a.m. to have sex. I thought the sex was great, but later he kept complaining, "I can't believe you woke me up so early." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 842

You deserved it 705

29/12/2012 07:30

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 196

You deserved it 32 233

04/01/2010 22:29

Today, I went to the dentist to get a baby tooth which had decayed removed. After almost an hour, I came out with a numb mouth and a missing tooth for life. It was not a baby tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 007

You deserved it 6 501

31/08/2011 16:25

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 612

You deserved it 5 708

17/03/2010 11:51

Today, I rear-ended a car while I was texting about the accident ahead which was causing all the traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 496

You deserved it 92 437

07/09/2015 14:21

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 357

You deserved it 2 834

21/10/2015 02:02

Today, my dryer broke in the middle of drying my essential work clothes. This resulted in me wearing partially-dried pants to work today. As a nanny I have encountered diaper rashes before, just not on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 164

You deserved it 1 803

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Top comments

chunkynose 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 18:17

Nicolacatt 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:04

Would make one he'll of a viddeo on America's Funniest

Comments

100percent_bored 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:02

I am so sorry, feel better!

mitchiv13 0

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Saturday 13 March 2010 10:20

CHUNKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MrsDruidess 23

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Saturday 5 October 2013 11:50

sorry OP, same thing happened to me after mine were removed, but I hadn't eaten, it was two matching streams of blood on the carpet.

Seti_fml 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:03

at least you're past the worst of it :-/ gl OP.

Nicolacatt 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:04

Would make one he'll of a viddeo on America's Funniest

020266t 5

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Thursday 23 September 2010 23:08

that makes total sense

poper123 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:05

aww, yuck!

effthis 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:05

ewwwww

girandwogpig 0

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Sunday 28 June 2009 3:41

you know what makes it worse??? Chunks is her dog??? ^_^

ShenziSixaxis 0

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Sunday 28 June 2009 10:39

Get a life you fucktard.

rukiafujioka 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:05

That would be hilarious to see in person-sorry, it must have hurt! Hope you feel better!

Luckster 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:08

I never trust what the dentist says anymore. They told me my wisdoms were coming in perfectly straight, so it wouldn't be a requirement to remove them. Guess who's missing a few molars because of the damage?

TruVisionary 0

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Sunday 28 June 2009 1:42

the reason she threw up was probably on account of the amount of blood she may have swallowed causing emesis. your dentist, on the other hand, is an asshole.

whatmarielsaid 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:08

bahahahahha 'blew chunks'. good one. get well soon. + send your dentist a douchebag in the mail. ;D

Shizden 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:12

He knew that would happen. All dentists are evil super villains plotting to take over the world. o.O

waterynuggets 0

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Saturday 27 June 2009 10:14

FYL. I need mine out, too. :(