Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML
Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the second grade. FML
Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML
Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML
Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
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Top comments
cyanidesandwich 21
Still a better love story than Twilight.
PaulieXP 16
Guess you need to fork over some cash for a therapist
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Comments (144)
flashback_fml 14
Sounds like you're raising him right
Krystal3408 32
That's quite a son you've got there...
ViviMage 40
I'm 31 and I'm still not married! Some of us aren't ready at 31, or 4..... Your child needs to be shown that level of anger is not to be tolerated! You don't stab the teacher because she gave you homework, the gym teacher for making you do push-ups, or your mom for cleaning your room! Sooner before he is big enough to hurt some one!
reilyn 10
Sounds like a future rapist murderer.
jamesethneal 1
Must have stabbed her fifty f***ing times, I can't believe it...
mr_jack_meoff 5
hope he" forked" her good, or at least "forked" her brains out.
termin8tor786 10
I see a long juve stay in his future! I hope he was kicked out of the school with that kind of behavior. This is some serious shit!
SavannahSunshine 26
Woah woah woah! Rejection sucks but getting stabbed for saying no?? Good lord! Like, on the hand or... straight into the heart??
joshuarowe88 5
Ok, no more TV for him.
awesomechick911 5
I can't stop laughing