Animals: Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I...

By Alex Andreas - 02/07/2015 03:10 - United States - Edmond

Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 734

You deserved it 2 455

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 225

You deserved it 45 465

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:31 - Ireland

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 907

You deserved it 34 843

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 01:34 - United States - West Chester

Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 419

You deserved it 4 335

By cricketsins - 14/05/2015 05:11 - United States

Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 560

You deserved it 2 588

By Unknown - 30/06/2014 01:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 914

You deserved it 7 199

Get back

By Rebeccs - 14/08/2022 20:00 - Canada

Today, my cat escaped through my front door. It was dark out, so I had no idea where I was going. I finally caught up to him in my neighbour’s lawn and I gave him heck for scaring me. It took me a minute to realize I was actually talking to a bush in their flowerbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 327

Wrecked

By cathouse - 26/03/2011 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 948

You deserved it 4 232

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

By lizardhater - 12/03/2020 22:09 - Singapore

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 269

By ginya - 07/06/2016 01:58 - United States - Bedford

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 468

You deserved it 1 081

By poorhamster - 23/10/2010 06:22 - United States

Today, I found my pet hamster that escaped yesterday, wet and soggy, next to my pet dog. My dog chewed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 061

You deserved it 3 921

DeltaDragonxx 20

Thursday 2 July 2015 13:49

At least he won't try to sell you car insurance anymorel

quickit 24

Thursday 2 July 2015 13:41

OP you're a coldblooded murderer.

Comments

Silk_Routes 14

Thursday 2 July 2015 18:04

RIP your sisters pet Lizard..

I_Am_The_Cold 19

Thursday 2 July 2015 18:52

Rest in pieces.

Calfml2 8

Thursday 2 July 2015 19:25

what lizard? I haven't seen no lizzard

Adam1260 15

Thursday 2 July 2015 19:35

Oh no, I hope the lawnmower is okay.

gunz818 6

Thursday 2 July 2015 19:35

Lizards dont like cold...

TallMist 32

Thursday 2 July 2015 19:38

Why so disrespectful towards the lizard? What did it ever do to you?

cassbird09 12

Thursday 2 July 2015 19:54

This makes me so sad :(

Warnerro 18

Thursday 2 July 2015 20:01

put the lizards head on a Pike if u can.

disbatch 14

Thursday 2 July 2015 20:02

Sucks to be her.

CaptainRR 20

Thursday 2 July 2015 21:09

Does it move? No? Is it supposed to move? Yes? Try WD-40.

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The Top

Today, I found out that I didn't get a job because I failed the psychological analysis. It told me to answer each question and tell the truth. So I did. I asked my friend, who got the job, if she told the truth. She said no. Apparently you have to lie in order to get a job. Sorry for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 504

You deserved it 7 861

Today, my dad, who never supported us growing up, and who calls once a month to collect his monthly living expenses, gave me an ultimatum: either buy him a plane ticket so that he can come live with me forever (he's a raging alcoholic) OR to send him $4,500 US Dollars (which where he lives is someone's 6 month salary). FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 107

The Top

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 358

You deserved it 2 806

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 718

You deserved it 4 099

Crushed it! (The bag of groceries, of course.)

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 227

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 239

You deserved it 3 567

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 653

You deserved it 8 334

Today, my mom asked me to bring the groceries in. In doing so, I brought in a bag full of toilet paper. She saw me and said, “Um, hello? I only said bring the GROCERIES in.” I was thus today years-old when I learned that ‘groceries’ only means food items, not just things you get from a grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 139

Same thing different taste

Get back

Wrecked

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

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