Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML
Today, I went to empty a mousetrap, only to discover that SOMETHING had eaten the dead mouse's brain and eyeballs. I reset the trap, only to find a half-dead mouse struggling to get out an hour later. My office is like its own tiny little horror movie. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I threw up in bio when we dissected cow hearts. Guess that rules out my childhood passion as a possible career. FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML
Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
Today, I got caught sniffing a rat, and now my boss is forcing me to be tested for the black death and is "terrified" that I made everyone sick, and says I may be fired from my job as a pediatric anesthesiologist. FML
Today, I've loved for years that my boyfriend works at an animal shelter, but I learned from his coworker that he’s the guy that puts the animals to sleep, full time, sometimes 30 a day. Now I’m disgusted to sit in the same room as him, because he always says he loves his job. FML
Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML
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Top comments
Zebediabolical 45
Plot twist: It wasn't the nerve that made it twitch.
jenn1808 16
Sounds like a pretty unpleasant job to begin with. I hope that it's for a good cause; animal research always makes me really sad.
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Comments (94)
Omniprism 15
I would not be able to handle that. I love animals too much and I have way too much empathy. I believe you can do it though. Good luck.
sickerthanyou 13
so your job is pretty awful (not everybody can cut a living thing open and drain its blood) and you are scared of zombies?, I am more scared of living people.
anonymous12586 5
HAHAHAHA
sheep42 1
so it's not just the nerve that does that if you're perfusing (which it sounds like). if you're using paraformaldehyde this interacts with the muscles during fixation and causes contractions so the legs will clench up and down (source - neuroscience professor who loves telling gruesome anecdotes)
sanecatlady 13
I'm so sick of this zombie obsession people have been having near the end of every year now. People can appear to be zombies from an illness, when they're high or really drunk or even sleepwalking. But they're not zombies, because zombies are not real! We need to be more afraid of being nuked or an asteroid hitting this planet or the environment going to pot. Or becoming roadkill crossing the street. Or having a heart attack. Or cancer... someone shoot me now. :(
uhnevermind 24
People have been obsessed with the dead coming back to life going back to ancient nomads. It's not like it just started. And it's a much older, much more primal fear than any of the things that you mentioned.
flashback_fml 14
Wtf is your job exactly
iluvpeanutbutter 22
I'm surprised there aren't more animal rights people on here, going on about how horrible all animal researchers are... this would be right up their alley.
ea247 20
Where do you work and how do I sign up??
Bradley_Dillon 39
He's not a book! Don't make fun of him! :(
Wolf87535 4
OP, I feel bad for your trauma, but.... LMFAO!