Intimacy: Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't...

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 519

You deserved it 28 583

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 21:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 065

You deserved it 11 009

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 2 701

Scary

By Anonymous - 22/08/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 792

You deserved it 31 410

Brain melter

By Anonymous - 27/07/2023 03:00

Today, due to my blood pressure, I've begun getting an agonising migraine every time I get increased heart rate from arousal. We’re supposed to be trying for our first baby, but we’ve not had successful sex in weeks because I can’t last until orgasm before I feel like my head is splitting open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 151

By no luck - 30/09/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, I found out less than 3 weeks before my wedding my fiancé will lose his new, great paying job unless we cancel our nonrefundable honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 129

You deserved it 3 586

Damper

By bleh - 23/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 475

You deserved it 6 820

Not feeling it

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 02:01

Today, it’s been over 15 months since I’ve had sex with my fiancé. We’re getting married next month. Now I'm wondering if we’ll have sex at all on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 358

Out of order

By HornyWife - 13/06/2020 02:02

Today, I'm on my honeymoon. My husband and I cannot consummate our marriage, because his penis has an open wound due to… vigorous masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 429

You deserved it 353

Take a ticket

By ugh - 24/05/2015 19:53 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 117

You deserved it 5 119

Denied

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 23:01

Today, my fiancé decided that we shouldn't have sex before we get married. Even though we've been doing it for years. We can't get married right now due to Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 183

Leviathan_fml 0

Friday 3 April 2009 10:03

ouch. have sex anyway.

KPACOTKA 0

Friday 3 April 2009 9:57

YOUR LIFE DOES SUCK.... BUT NOT FOR LONG

Comments

Plater 1

Saturday 18 April 2009 7:01

i wouldve just done it...live for the moment!

kristindabomb 12

Monday 20 April 2009 21:43

Lol bummer dude.

fedEX_fml 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 2:56

u should have done it anyways

omnomnom_fml 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 23:41

Um.... there ARE meds for high blood pressure. That's bullshit.

ideataxi 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 17:04

hehe, more awesomeness

jatterjite 0

Monday 25 May 2009 19:15

id have sex anyway if i were you

Sodam_INsane 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 19:39

extend ur wedding :D

c3ns0r3dn4m3 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:38

ahah #6 dudee. ouchh.. that suchs FYL

Mancubus 2

Thursday 23 July 2009 8:55

Who has that ever stopped?

shaZamy 0

Monday 10 August 2009 23:58

it'll make the sex all the more better ;D

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 693

Today, I was scrolling through a more risqué/dark/dirty humor Facebook page. I thoughtlessly set my phone down to help my cousin with a translation for about a minute. When I went to grab my phone, I saw, front and center, a photo edit of Chewbacca with his "lipstick" out. No wonder she kept glancing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 427

The Top

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 896

You deserved it 78 220

Today, whilst cleaning out his desk, my dad "accidentally" threw away my summer homework. That's 100 pages, over a duration of 2 months. School starts in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 846

You deserved it 6 344

Today, one of my co-workers invited me to a cookout at her house with some other people from my new job. She said to wear my suit. Assuming she had a pool, I showed up in a bikini, only to find everyone else wearing business attire and staring at me like I had lost my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 039

You deserved it 69 608

Today, I finally got up the courage to talk to my four-year boyfriend about how insecure I've been feeling in our relationship recently, and how I needed his support while I try to get my self-esteem back on-track. He fell asleep mid-conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 085

You deserved it 5 276

Today, my proposal was slightly ruined when the ring I got her, which I could have sworn was the same size as other rings she owns, was a whole 3 sizes too big. She agreed to marry me but is now sulking because she thinks I think she’s fat and needs a big ring for her fat fingers. Give me a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452