Exactly. How dare you, OP. You "couldn't help it" - please. What would your reaction be if your mother read all your most private thoughts and had the audacity to judge you on them? I take it you're not a mother yourself? Not everyone takes to motherhood instantly. I suffered from depression after my baby was born. Never stopped me from loving my baby but I used to dream of just hopping on the first plane out of town and leaving everyone. It's draining to have this needy lifeform depriving you of sleep and demanding all of your attention. Frankly, I'm surprised every mother doesn't go through it. Don't condemn yours just because she did. If she's a good mother to you now, you have no quarrel with her.

Oh do be brief. There is nothing to suggest she actually did it, otherwise THAT would've been the point of the FML!

Theres nothing to suggest she didn't . Why not uncover he truth?

So the OP should confirm their mother never drowned them in the toilet or threw their infant body against the wall? I think the fact that OP is ALIVE is confirmation enough!

That doesn't mean she didn't do it. As long as OP found the dairy, he/she should learn the truth. What's the problem?

The problem is that drowning & throwing infants against walls kills them, yet OP is alive.

Re-read the post. It doesn't say she drowned OP. it says she wanted to stick her head in the toilet. It doesn't mean she wanted to kill OP.

If she had done it wouldn't OP have brain damage or be dead

Because his post is just moronic.

Thank you 83. They all know we're right. She actually could have stuck her head in the toilet for a brief second or two. That wouldn't cause any brain damage. People are stupid.

99 - You included?

She wouldn't have given the baby a swirly, she'd have drowned her. This didn't happen. And no infant would have survived the head & body trauma of being thrown into a wall. This is why people are telling you you're wrong. Not because we are stupid, but because you're not thinking this through.

No 100, but I'm the only one who's thinking this though logically. Time OP to tell your mom to fess up.

It says, ''she wanted to dunk my head in the toilet.'' read it. Nothing about a swirly, as you put it. Come on.

As well throwing a baby at a wall could kill, but its unlikely, kids are still growing at that age, and most of their bones haven't joined together, so it would be like throwing jelly at a wall, and despite what you think, an infant can survive a lot of things, I mean you hear of kids being dropped on their head all the time. And that has more chance of killing you than being thrown at a wall. So theoretically yes it's all possible, all though unlikely, it could've happened without OP knowing or dying.

...Who cares? What would finding this information out now do? What do you plan to do, call child services and report her for abuse? If you are alive now and have no long term issues that could stem from these things then there is nothing to gain from confronting her about her obvious depression. And if you really think she meant to dunk the child in the toilet for any reason other than to drown it and silence the child I think you're missing the point completely. Mothers don't want to throw their babies at walls if they don't want to kill or silence them...connect the dots here and catch up to the rest of us already.

It's highly likely if she had said "I want to.." there would have been a "Today I did this..." in her diary. Part of some postpartum treatments involve writing a journal of your thoughts so you can work through them and not actually do them. Even if OP's mom wasn't being treated medically people often do the same things a doctor/psychologist/councillor would suggest they do anyway. OP's mom was likely just releasing her frustrations on paper.

#115: I've never before equated an infant to jelly. Not only would that be cannibalistic, it's more than slightly disturbing that you've actually thought out the physics of throwing a child into a wall.

Uh, I think that by dunk their head in the toilet it's implied. People say shit they don't mean all the time. No sane mother would actually do such a thing to their baby no matter how much it cries and gets into mischief.

All you people are missing the point! Now that she found the diary - because she was so troubled by what it says - is to confront the mon to see if it actually happened. Otherwise, she'll remain troubled about it for the rest of her life. Really people!

39- I think you should stop trying to explain it to them. They will never get it.

I'm glad I'm not alone doc. I would never do this, but at 3 am when I'm getting up for the millionth time at night, I wonder is my baby broken? Maybe a good knock upside the head will fix it, just like a tv? It's tough but I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in those mid- night feedings!

Doc this is the number one reason I love breastfeeding and co sleeping. She eats and I sleep. It works out well. Not having a pillow for my head and only a light blanket for me kinda sucks but it works for me and her. I know you're a dr and probably have your own opinion about co sleeping. It's not for everyone but it does work for us and I have taken every step possible to make sure it is as safe a sleeping area for her as possible. She loves her boobie and as much as I have tried she will not sleep without it. So this is our final solution. :)