OP - So you are saying you are staying with your partner for financial reasons? Surely you know how that sounds? … OP - I understand that it is hard competing with the dead, and to you it seems like your partner should have gotten over it by now. Some relationships just don’t work for whatever reasons there are. But if it’s true you are only staying around until you have a better credit rating that means you are using someone. Hopefully it’s just a bad day and you are blowing off steam.

I was initially on your partner's side until you mentioned him getting hostile over you grieving your dad who died not even six months ago when he gets to be upset almost a decade and a half later. Sticking with him just to fix your credit first isn't a /good/ look as such, but I understand why, at least. Just don't lead him on any longer than you have to.

OP here. didn't have space to give enough details. he's the one using me. he's on retirement from a 5 way bypass. after we got together (he was super nice for a year n a half) he had a stroke, now he had motor control issues in one side, so he does need some help. he has a really short fuse with a hot temper. he's emotionally abusive and narcissistic. He's the one who messed up my credit when he and his family girded me to take a 6 month sabbatical from work and he wouldn't pay my 2 credit card payments (less than $1k on each). his 2 daughters are irresponsible and unreliable heron addicts on methadone, so they are no help to him. he only allows me to work part time. if I have to go in gro an extra day to help at work he gets really pissy. his 69 yr old bro comes over every weekend, really sweet, but eats a LOT, so it's really hard to save money (i have buy all groceries). idiot needs me way more than I need him. I've tried leaving before, but if you're not prepared it's difficult and he begs me to stay. he knows I'm unhappy. I also have no outside help. I don't want pity. I just wanted to clarify my situation because they do not give enough room in the initial post.

so sorry you had to deal with someone like that. Hope you can break free soon.