Love: Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave....

Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML

By Alan

Extra Fabulous Comics's illustrated FML

Another feature of FML that won't be changing much is the Illustrated FMLs. "Thank goodness for that !" I hear some of you cry....

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By now afraid... / Sunday 3 April 2016 17:28 / United States

Love

Season finale

Sewer monster

Healthcare is broken

By me:( - United States - Romulus

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65508

You deserved it

5130

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20837

You deserved it

2385

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58210

You deserved it

23500

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By freakofnature - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I visited my new doctor, hoping that he would be able to figure out the cause of the pains I've been having for years. He told me there's nothing he can do, that half the drugs out there cause cancer anyway and that I should look into homeopathy. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22468

You deserved it

2372

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By justno

Today, my best friend of 10 years blocked me for no reason. When I went to her house to ask why she did it and apologize for whatever it was, she told me to kill myself and slammed the door. I still don't know what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4013

You deserved it

305

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By apaterra - United States - Washington

Today, I had to come up with a new rule for my library's patrons: If you, your child, or your dog has thrown up on our books, we DON'T WANT THEM BACK. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23297

You deserved it

1509

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By pinky - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11484

You deserved it

53686

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 14:02

The cheek of some people

Today, the girl my ex-husband cheated on me with, and left me for, called me and asked for money to bail him out of jail. She asked me because I have my own business and I'm financially stable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1338

You deserved it

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By blink_kid - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25593

You deserved it

3216

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2021 00:30 - Netherlands

Take what you can get

Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

713

You deserved it

119

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By fuauntflo - 7/7/2020 17:01

Thanks, I'm cured!

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1974

You deserved it

165

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31814

You deserved it

2173

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By anonymous - United States

Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat. I didn't realize my new neighbor was an old man with a raging boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32007

You deserved it

13964

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By Natsert99 - United States - Deerfield

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12708

You deserved it

1170

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. When I told the man that I wanted Tinkerbell on my lower back area. He snorted and told me that I was way too old to have Tinkerbell on me, and that Disney characters are only cute on people 35 and younger. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29054

You deserved it

13422

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By atleese - United States

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18381

You deserved it

31781

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By ShittyKeys - United States

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30357

You deserved it

5481

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By tobuscus9412 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33028

You deserved it

3325

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By WellGroomed - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24557

You deserved it

1571

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my "hysterical" badge picture to cheer her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23416

You deserved it

2795

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By trippiex

Today, I was driving by the carnival and I really had to use the bathroom. I saw a porta-potty next to a house, so I parked in their front yard to use the bathroom very quickly. I came out to see a group of teenage boys urinating on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1718

You deserved it

798

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By Herestheskinny

Today, I was helping a women that was looking for skin care products. She kept commenting on the look and "texture" of my skin in a very creepy and almost hungry fashion. I'm afraid that she wants to skin me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4500

You deserved it

468

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By Emily J. - United States

Today, I realized that I text my boyfriend more than I see him. He's my next door neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17433

You deserved it

38601

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, whenever I do something that the kid I am babysitting likes, he pats me on the head and says "good girl". I'm whipped by a seven year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31445

You deserved it

8534

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Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a restaurant to stalk his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2204

You deserved it

133

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16022

You deserved it

38219

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11642

You deserved it

64159

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By textfail - United States

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31017

You deserved it

103893

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By shitday - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow and regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, and I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31470

You deserved it

2220

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By unlucky - United States

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12657

You deserved it

25671

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By anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24780

You deserved it

2218

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By ollierocks96 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch out side with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36454

You deserved it

3009

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By Christopher Tobler - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1989

You deserved it

431

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By Anonymous

Salad days

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8518

You deserved it

763

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By thatshelpful - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28685

You deserved it

1766

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By Anonymous

Today, I found my 5-year-old son prancing around in high heels and cat ears, wearing a thong as a necklace, and waving a riding crop around like a sword. He'd found the box where granny keeps her special outfits that make granddad extra happy on Friday nights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3453

You deserved it

376

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By Alexa23 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

130994

You deserved it

8871

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By seriousdubsteplover - Australia

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38554

You deserved it

2154

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By espylone - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37035

You deserved it

6473

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By Harry - United States

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad. We went to the edge of a cliff to "relieve ourselves". He peed and it came and hit me in the face, he did it on purpose. So, I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17459

You deserved it

43863

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Top comments

By PharmacyJoe | 13

#6573934 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:30

I'm wondering if this was just a terrible April Fools prank by someone in your life who not only has access to your dwelling, but knows about your psycho ex's enjoyment of green beans.

If not, run.

By MoidixMois43 | 21

#6573926 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:25

Time to change the locks?

COMMENTS

By gatorclay97 | 28

#6573925 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:24

You may want to move...

vikky538 | 28

#6573969 - Monday 4 April 2016 13:51

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Joshawott | 21

#6573972 - Monday 4 April 2016 14:04

I think #1 meant "move house", not "move on".

dolfinmaster | 7

#6574172 - Monday 4 April 2016 19:23

Doesn't mean the girlfriend did

By MoidixMois43 | 21

#6573926 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:25

Time to change the locks?

By Death546 | 25

#6573930 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:28

I think it's time for a restraining order

By hoeslikedicks | 21

#6573931 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:29

Your house is probably haunted by her. LOCK THE SAFE!

Liammg | 12

#6573954 - Monday 4 April 2016 13:08

ghosts can get through safes

SleepyPharma | 21

#6574186 - Monday 4 April 2016 19:46

I was under the impression that you had to be dead to haunt someone. If they're alive they just call that stalking!

By tigerthepredator | 16

#6573932 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:30

Set up sone cameras. Show the police.

PennyLane27 | 32

#6574194 - Monday 4 April 2016 19:55

I don't know why this is downvoted. sound advice!!!

By PharmacyJoe | 13

#6573934 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:30

I'm wondering if this was just a terrible April Fools prank by someone in your life who not only has access to your dwelling, but knows about your psycho ex's enjoyment of green beans.

If not, run.

nickob96 | 25

#6574543 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 7:31

This was posted on the 3rd

KatieJBabe | 27

#6574546 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 7:46

Could have been submitted on the 1st.

By Demon_of_Light | 27

#6573935 - Monday 4 April 2016 12:31

Drive to her house and throw them at her.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6573965 - Monday 4 April 2016 13:41

Don't validate her stalking with more stalking.

vandj8 | 9

#6573982 - Monday 4 April 2016 14:33

No, he should go there and put the bowl on her front porch (or step or whatever).

mjtg25 | 3

#6574376 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 1:29

nah if she's as psycho as he says she'll just eat them without thinking about it.

By Phantom425 | 11

#6573955 - Monday 4 April 2016 13:09

And this was the last post we ever saw from OP.

By lantz4levi | 19

#6573957 - Monday 4 April 2016 13:11

I'm kinda wondering why op isn't a fan of green beans besides this incident. They are amazing to eat

HelenLFC | 27

#6574168 - Monday 4 April 2016 19:04

Maybe because he's only had cheap microwaved ones. They can be stringy

heroqucas | 25

#6574478 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 4:52

Maybe it's because of his ex

By Pancake1887 | 8

#6573961 - Monday 4 April 2016 13:21

...Or did she?