Intimacy: Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than... - FML

By JohnB - 20/10/2009 00:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 4 218

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

By jenA - 21/08/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 853

You deserved it 2 987

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 036

You deserved it 2 355

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 776

You deserved it 31 273

Alone time

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 324

By Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - 26/04/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 789

You deserved it 58 150

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 681

You deserved it 9 149

By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 674

You deserved it 6 875

No kinkshaming on FML

By Anonymous - 31/07/2013 16:28 - Belgium - Ieper

Spicy

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 691

You deserved it 9 329

By Allie cat - 02/12/2016 13:43

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 477

You deserved it 1 577

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 231

You deserved it 8 293

Next

Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

Tuesday 20 October 2009 9:41

That's the only, and the youngest pussy you're ever gonna get.

TaterSalad187 5

Tuesday 20 October 2009 14:19

Haha, sorta ironic. Who ever would of thought that pussy would kill a wet dream?

Comments

gorbeast 0

Wednesday 17 February 2010 12:19

LOL

lolwtfwasthat 0

Tuesday 6 April 2010 3:46

aww it likes toys

SixPackJonny 0

Sunday 11 April 2010 5:06

y r u complaining? u got pussy man! congradulations:)

nerf456 0

Sunday 11 April 2010 16:37

1 and 15 winnnnnn!!!!

ZacharyorAndrew 0

Tuesday 27 April 2010 4:29

uve taught ur kitty well my good sir

rety1 13

Wednesday 9 June 2010 16:55

I was having a really nice dream one night and awoke with my cats "in heat" ass in my face... I punched her off my bed in my tired daze and went back to sleep lol

amisenho 11

Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:27

Skroo cheezburger; I can has peeniss? >{^_^}

meowmeowwkitty 0

Friday 11 February 2011 18:36

bahahahaa awwww

cantevenimagine 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 3:27

wat the heck is wiggling? do ur body parts spasm when u wet dream?

Ashley07 2

Monday 8 August 2011 22:54

lol funniest thing ive read on here for a long time

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The Top

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 564

You deserved it 2 470

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 760

You deserved it 15 563

The Top

Today, after a necessary medical procedure that rendered my birth control ineffective, I found out I’m pregnant. I was already planning to break up with my manchild boyfriend, and when I told him this, his first response was, “What will my parents think?” Parents with whom he still lives at age 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 739

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year-old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 291

You deserved it 5 531

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 472

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 093

You deserved it 4 718

Today, I was draining the water from my fishbowl out into the kitchen sink. The fish was still in it and decided to go with the flow, literally, right into the garburator. I was too scared to stick my hand down there to save it; instead I panicked and turned the garburator on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 2 548

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 52 560

You deserved it 5 754