Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML
Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML
Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML
Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML
Today, I washed the comforter one of my nine-month-old kittens peed on last night. Just as soon as my boyfriend put it on the bed, she peed on it again. FML
Today, as I crawled into bed and hid under my blanket, I was hit with a very strong and familiar smell. The smell of piss. My cat had peed all over my only blanket. Guess I'll sleep under the mattress. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
That's the only, and the youngest pussy you're ever gonna get.
TaterSalad187 5
Haha, sorta ironic. Who ever would of thought that pussy would kill a wet dream?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (65)
gorbeast 0
LOL
lolwtfwasthat 0
aww it likes toys
SixPackJonny 0
y r u complaining? u got pussy man! congradulations:)
nerf456 0
1 and 15 winnnnnn!!!!
ZacharyorAndrew 0
uve taught ur kitty well my good sir
rety1 13
I was having a really nice dream one night and awoke with my cats "in heat" ass in my face... I punched her off my bed in my tired daze and went back to sleep lol
amisenho 11
Skroo cheezburger; I can has peeniss? >{^_^}
meowmeowwkitty 0
bahahahaa awwww
cantevenimagine 0
wat the heck is wiggling? do ur body parts spasm when u wet dream?
Ashley07 2
lol funniest thing ive read on here for a long time