Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML
Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML
Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML
Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML
Today, as I crawled into bed and hid under my blanket, I was hit with a very strong and familiar smell. The smell of piss. My cat had peed all over my only blanket. Guess I'll sleep under the mattress. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
That's the only, and the youngest pussy you're ever gonna get.
TaterSalad187 5
Haha, sorta ironic. Who ever would of thought that pussy would kill a wet dream?
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Comments (65)
wuhangdilly 0
Toes???
XanimalloverX 0
Dude it's a kitten they will pounce on anything that moves
perdix 31
Poor thing. It's looking for mother's milk and has to settle for man-milk.
HarperGirl 4
hilarious
somebodyshy 0
you own one of the cutest things nature has ever created, and you're complaining?!
perdix 31
Penises are not cute.
CatherineARE 0
the person is talking about the cute lil' kitty ^_^
perdix 31
How do you know?
HarperGirl 4
are you judging yours or do you like looking at other guys??
chaos753159 4
Both! Duh
blooglekoogle 0
kittens are not necessarily the most cute things ever... hairless cats freak the hell outta me. my dog is more adorable than most cats.
telli164 30
#17, I laughed more than I should have at that reply!
Satans_Taint 0
satans_taint found this funny lol
Sparkiee93 3
lol my cat does that too
FAKEstfu 0
Ahh are you, by any chance, my ex?
scpr 0
Sounds like you are my ex.
caticaticati 3
Do FAKEstfu and scpr have the same ex?! MAYBE YOU GUYS ARE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE. Or enemies.
mandadnam 0
that just made me LOL! thats comedy