Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. Then I found another note on a can that said, "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML
Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML
Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML
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Top comments
WowLifeDoesSuck 0
Wow, kids are getting smarter.
mastercrammer 0
You should feel lucky to have a smart daughter who really cares about you.
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Comments (862)
3peeps 5
your daughter is right
DarkFirefly206 9
You are the sort of person that makes me utterly sick to my stomach and gladly sober. I hope that you damn sure started caring with that.
brandon10143 0
Damn.......
desertpunk75 11
Your daughter is amazing. She is just priceless
k99 5
Even if the dad does have a few drinks, he shouldn't do that in front of his kid. You can do that when you're older but she is very impressionable at that age and could pick up your habits and even go farther. My mother was a wreck when she was drunk, which wasn't very often. That didn't make it any better. She still swerved on the road while driving me to school, slurred then yelled when we didn't understand her, passed out which made me unable to go to school( she wouldn't let me ride the bus), and pretty much drank whenever she felt down. You can drink in moderation, but know kids are very sensitive and a little drinking could really mess them up. If you got to a point where she even did that, you really need help. FHL.
Admiral_Ferret 5
Coolest... kid.... ever!!
kill_me_now7 2
Asshole if you drank! If not... Then its about time!
Jaggedrage 7
Awesome daughter you got there :P
jfml87 3
I'm sorry ,but thats good stuff hahaha lol Stopping drinking for your daughter!
GingerLaxBro 3
Awww so cute... Straighten up drunk