Work: Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped...

By davey d - 15/03/2012 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 926

You deserved it 13 193

Work

Own it

Smart

Sorry, friend

By AGB10 - 23/06/2014 18:11 - United Kingdom - Tunbridge Wells

Today, I made an excuse and didn't turn up at work. Little did I know my boss did the same. We both bumped into each other at the shopping centre across town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 813

You deserved it 25 799

By Higgs - 02/06/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 034

You deserved it 6 181

By gumless - 02/05/2012 15:19 - United States

Today, I tried whitening my teeth with an off-brand product. It didn't whiten my teeth, but it did burn parts of my gums off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 210

You deserved it 7 659

By nofooddrinkorsex - 25/08/2019 22:05 - United States

Today, my wife and I had our brand new king-size mattress set delivered. After the delivery men left, she informed me that I was no longer allowed to eat or drink in bed. Oh yeah, and we're not having sex on it either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 245

Bachelor party

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 18:00

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 116

You deserved it 418

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 08:40 - Vietnam

Today, I'm on holiday in Vietnam, and was wearing a new shirt. In a restaurant, the waitress pointed at my shirt and said something I couldn't understand, so I just smiled and nodded my head. She then gave me a weird look and walked away. Turns out there was a huge spider on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 283

You deserved it 4 861

By Anonymous - 21/01/2011 09:25 - Monaco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 6 060

Health hazard

By lacie - 08/04/2021 21:30

Today, multiple customers have complained about my body odor. Not only can I not smell anything, but I shower three times a day and brush my teeth seven times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 102

By jamisbetter - 11/04/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 831

You deserved it 18 932

Caine

By dogless - 04/12/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I found my pitbull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He'd peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60-dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 161

You deserved it 6 621

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:09 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 547

You deserved it 3 111

By preggers with probs - 03/09/2018 14:30

Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 489

You deserved it 243

By I'm screwed - 13/01/2013 01:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 560

You deserved it 3 489

By stickers - 13/05/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 527

You deserved it 4 242

By fml boy - 25/03/2019 02:00

Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 216

You deserved it 322

By Hth - 15/01/2009 11:14 - United States

Today, I realized I spend way too much time on the computer. I grabbed the menu at the restaurant, glanced at the page, and tried to do CTRL+F to find seafood. Geek coming through! FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 992

You deserved it 29 789

By anonymous - 15/06/2019 02:25

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 683

You deserved it 143

By pale-suzie - 19/03/2014 12:28 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 967

You deserved it 4 281

By FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP - 01/11/2013 18:38 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 883

You deserved it 3 191

By ~JESSICA~ - 11/09/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 829

You deserved it 3 591

By Eternal_Babyface - 08/11/2015 17:14 - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 701

You deserved it 2 295

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 05:08 - United States - Portland

Today, I caught my mother-in-law trying to plant a GPS tracker on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 642

You deserved it 2 086

By Anonymous - 04/10/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 901

You deserved it 4 214

By wrongcar - 03/11/2009 18:00 - United States

Today, I was pulled over and was given a $300 ticket for going 90mph on a 70mph highway. The cop swore he saw my silver car darting in and out of traffic. A couple of minutes earlier that exact car had passed me while I was following the speed limit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 221

You deserved it 2 507

Stuck

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 06:57 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I found out that the badly-parked car without MOT, that I chose not to report, has been moved and now blocking my car in. I need to get to the shops and have no idea who the driver is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 131

By The Soul Of A Damned Queef - 31/01/2015 04:04 - United States - Dublin

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 474

You deserved it 6 537

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 05:32 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 52 155

You deserved it 18 930

Smooth.

By yosmurf - 13/08/2018 23:31

Today, I finished taking a huge dump at the public restroom at the mall. When I got up to wipe, my wrist clipped my butt and knocked my brand new Apple Watch into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 077

You deserved it 1 172

By Alicia - 13/05/2010 22:49 - United States

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 755

You deserved it 11 329

By Crud - 06/02/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 890

You deserved it 2 878

By hahahaha91 - 03/10/2009 07:59 - United States

Today, I woke up excited for my trip to Jamaica with my friends. We went to the airport, and I gave them my passport to check in. They gave it back. It had expired three weeks ago. I watched my friends board the plane while I'm stuck in the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 065

You deserved it 51 583

By definitelynotugly - 02/12/2018 12:00

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 757

You deserved it 325

By happysingleone - 20/12/2016 07:37

Today, the last of my college friends is getting married and now I'm the last single one. Don't worry though, if one ever gets a divorce we can hang out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 847

You deserved it 1 085

By Anonymous - 15/08/2019 16:04

Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 105

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 889

You deserved it 35 875

By Anonymous - 19/03/2011 12:13 - United States

Today, my purse was stolen. Too bad it had all of my money and my passport. My flight is tomorrow, and the embassy is closed until Monday. Guess who gets to stay in a foreign country with no money and no identification for the next 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 097

You deserved it 4 102

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 433

You deserved it 3 766

Stay out of it

By feelsterrible - 09/08/2012 19:51 - United States - Duluth

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 341

You deserved it 54 684

By Bathroom Problems - 02/01/2010 19:24 - France

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 671

You deserved it 3 921

By coolcucumber - 10/09/2010 20:40 - United States

Today, my dad squirted water at me. Fortunately, I blocked it. Unfortunately, I blocked it with my new $200 camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 068

You deserved it 24 363

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Top comments

77777771 12

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:10

He could have just said no.

WCARlover 34

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:10

Someone's looking for a raise. That sucks

77777771 12

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:10

He could have just said no.

baddud300 6

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:31

Atleast you get a nice vacation:)

morgann4826 0

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Thursday 15 March 2012 20:35

At least you didn't get fired

KeyboardWarrior 10

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Thursday 15 March 2012 22:30

He could've also said his dad had 7 nipples.

The_Hitdude 12

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Thursday 15 March 2012 22:48

^...? I'm surprised, Keyboard Warrior. Your comments are usually quite witty and enjoyable. Having an off day?

prettyboodoll33 2

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Thursday 15 March 2012 23:04

Yeahh.. At least you didn't get fired:)

WCARlover 34

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:10

Someone's looking for a raise. That sucks

The_Troller 14

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:57

That raise is probably going to come from OP's salary.

maninthebox11 8

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Thursday 15 March 2012 20:17

Hahaha ^

prettyboodoll33 2

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Thursday 15 March 2012 23:06

Thats probably why he told on him, cuz he wanted a raise.

zachherbert 10

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Thursday 15 March 2012 23:30

Yes 57, this is what everyone was hinting on above you.

goldfishgod 20

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Thursday 15 March 2012 23:38

prettyboodoll - I kind of doubt anything in your profile is true.

llamafish 25

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Friday 16 March 2012 2:24

No. I bet she actually is single.

Jiplo 18

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Friday 16 March 2012 2:26

63- Why? It's "completely" logical for a 16 year old to model. In Florida. When she lives in England.

blackheart24 10

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Friday 16 March 2012 2:48

Why y'all trollin on 57? Maybe she actually is a model? At least she isn't fueled by beer and horror films and her pic isn't some slutty Sasha Grey shot.

fuckingduh 1

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Saturday 3 November 2012 0:24

57- No shit Sherlock

Hollandiscrazy 12

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:11

That's what you call 'a good friend' Gotta hate the competition going on in companies. Can't we just all be friends?

SkoomaKi 27

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:15

If we were all friends, wouldn't that be boring?

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 15 March 2012 20:04

If by boring you mean no wars/conflicts/bitching at each other, then those are the unintresting times that I would like to live in.

googlefrewdnoob 0

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Thursday 15 March 2012 20:51

Its conflict that makes stuff interesting

SkoomaKi 27

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Thursday 15 March 2012 21:02

Imagine life if everyone was friends - yes conflicts, wars and hate would stop....but would you really want that? Life is about overcoming fights, getting into new ones and repeating it over. Life wouldn't be worth living without hate and the shit that you get....its what makes you, you!

ladyLALAA 28

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Thursday 15 March 2012 21:35

I think the world would be a much better place if everyone sat down over tea and scones to talk out their issues.

SkoomaKi 27

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Thursday 15 March 2012 21:43

42 - you're talking about a perfect world and frankly it'll never happen.

dbt88 15

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Thursday 15 March 2012 22:45

42- I'm personally not a fan of tea. This idea just can't work.

docscientist 9

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Friday 16 March 2012 5:01

As long as there are religious fundamentalists, world peace is out of reach.

ladyLALAA 28

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Friday 16 March 2012 13:02

If you don't like tea there's always milkshakes!

Michyxo 14

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:11

Ouch. Obviously you shouldn't be doing that, but you'd think a coworker might realize it was for a really important reason if you were leaving work to do so.

Calyx_fml 21

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:11

You should have asked your boss. Either that or get a job where doing errands doesn't matter.

HaniahAhmad 0

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:13

If he was going to do that he might as well have said no.

immaMonsta 8

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:14

Sounds like he has something against you if he went and told your boss on you for something as simple as that. Maybe next time you should wait until your lunch break.

kimgr 9

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:15

"yeah, sure" means a lot of different things Maybe you could've asked him what he meant when he said "yeah sure"

Sixers01 0

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:41

Actually i think yeah, sure usually means exactly what it sounds like..

KiddNYC1O 20

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Thursday 15 March 2012 21:28

Another way would be if there were a sarcastic tone in their voice.

immaMonsta 8

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Thursday 15 March 2012 19:15

Sounds like he has something against you if he went and told your boss on you for something as simple as that. Maybe next time you should wait until your lunch break.