Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML
Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML
Today, my daughter thinks the way to save money is to stop taking her antidepressants, because they give her “uncontrollable” food cravings. FML
Today, I was going to my prom. My mom knows I want to drink so to prevent me, she made sure I took my prescription medicine before I left. I guess her way of stopping me from drinking is killing myself If I do. FML
Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying, "It's for my acne." FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
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Top comments
DefiningDivine 13
Hence the word "Raising" Meaning, you should still be able to teach her and help her understand.
NessieMonster188 17
So what you're saying is.. *puts on sunglasses* That's not the only Coke in her future. ...that was terrible, I know.
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Comments (101)
Catkam623 27
Did it occur to you to perhaps just take the coke away from her
debbster7 18
Just because she smart it doesn't mean she'll be a drug addict
Ultimate_No 7
This FML went right over your head, didn't it?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Whoosh!
docscientist 10
That's the thing. She isn't smart.
cieloalicia 16
How in the hell is trying to balance caffeine with sleeping pills smart?
DefiningDivine 13
@29: Which head?
calipilot227 16
I love a good bourbon with my sleeping pills, personally.
gc327072 31
Why not Bailey's? It is St. Patrick's day, after all!
emilyjgraham 34
how would a biscuit help wash a sleeping pill down?..
AliceLockehart 18
Where do biscuits come into this? Sense. Your comment makes none.
melons 44
It does if you're from the UK, where a bourbon biscuit is a chocolate flavoured treat.
calipilot227 16
Bourbon is whiskey here in the US. And for those of you who didn't get the joke, that combo will probably kill you.
IAmJad 18
Key words: I'm raising. Fix something.
3rdbass 9
I certainly hope this is an eye opener, OP. Don't leave your medication lying around.
TheWorldGreatest 8
Stop putting your head in the sand, and start being a parent!
cjoe 2
Plot twist: daughter is 30 and still living with her mom.
picante72 24
Plus cough syrup and vanilla extract.
perdix 31
Be careful with this one. She might decide to balance out your nagging and criticism with rat poison.
xKeroseneHearts 9
How old is she?! Lmao