Intimacy: Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the... - FML

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 19:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 198

You deserved it 180 616

BO Central

Death wish

Assumptions part 27674

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 19:47 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 274

You deserved it 3 015

By Cakeman - 08/11/2009 15:03 - United States

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 280

You deserved it 51 683

By religiunatic - 13/12/2013 17:09 - Canada - Keswick

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off". She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 669

You deserved it 3 106

By drfeelgood93 - 04/08/2010 22:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 796

You deserved it 5 041

Rescue cat

By crazycatlady - 04/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 366

You deserved it 818

By mojolady - 16/02/2011 14:26

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 480

You deserved it 12 335

By lonelyloser - 04/02/2013 07:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 457

You deserved it 15 496

By Anonymous - 22/02/2015 16:09 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 930

You deserved it 2 137

By cardsftw - 16/08/2012 19:50 - United States - Compton

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 090

You deserved it 8 363

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 19:16 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 204

You deserved it 2 568

By belladonna1025 - 11/05/2016 18:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 220

You deserved it 800

Legalize it

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 15:01 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, after arriving, I was told that there will be mandatory drug tests for everybody at my work. Yesterday, I did joints at a friend's party, as it was her birthday. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 1 340

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 07:25 - Australia

Spicy

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 746

You deserved it 2 884

By Flyboy - 18/07/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 772

You deserved it 4 372

By OhaiiKid - 07/03/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 448

You deserved it 25 994

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Spicy

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 935

You deserved it 41 848

By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 15:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 126

You deserved it 6 045

Sandwiches rule

By Sebastian Bonaparte - 11/02/2021 00:30

Today, it's the fourth day since I got home from hospital in a wheelchair after a car wreck. It was also the first day that someone in my house offered to do something for me. My father-in-law visited and offered to make me a sandwich. My response? I cried. My wife and kids laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 78

By FANZZY - 18/08/2014 16:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 202

You deserved it 16 232

By phantomthelabrat - 31/03/2014 12:24 - United States - Fargo

Today, I was assigned to be the one to teach Grandpa how to use his new smartphone. An hour in, and we're still going over volume controls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 479

You deserved it 4 212

By ChinaWillOwnUs - 27/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 710

You deserved it 209

By princev - 18/06/2011 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 577

You deserved it 112 629

By poorbastard - 30/08/2014 08:35 - Canada - Longueuil

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 419

You deserved it 3 794

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 238

By MineAlwaysTouching - 27/04/2017 18:00

Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 1 764

By Rowaelin16 - 23/08/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 833

You deserved it 1 454

Asshats are everywhere

By hardtotell - 22/01/2010 00:45 - United States

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 798

You deserved it 4 471

By elrjay - 20/06/2017 02:00 - Spain - Madrid

Spicy

Today, I'm laying in my holiday apartment with the patio doors open, listening to the german man next door take dirty pics of his wife on the balcony. I'm too scared to get up and shut the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 943

You deserved it 1 025

By tbw - 12/01/2012 00:31 - United States

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 048

You deserved it 5 788

By Titi14 - 04/03/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 512

You deserved it 25 892

By welptbh - 04/04/2018 16:30 - United States - San Pablo

Today, I came out to my parents as trans. They immediately took my remaining college savings, canceled my credit card, and began plotting to abduct me and "wean me off hormones, like a heroin addict." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 006

You deserved it 1 461

By christinabear - 15/04/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 852

You deserved it 88 702

By happy birthday to me - 05/12/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 677

You deserved it 3 109

The ole answer/forward conundrum

By Master's_degree_in_failure - 17/10/2020 22:30

Today, I "answered" an email instead of "forwarding" it. As a result, there is a chance that my Master's thesis supervisor gets a message from me starting by the F-word, and complaining about my bad work and inability to understand a deadline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 1 034

By GiraffeLover - 11/01/2013 11:36 - Australia

Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 199

You deserved it 7 048

Hedging your bets

By mauimango7 - 27/07/2010 10:07 - United States

Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, "So, would you catch me if I fell?" He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, "How much do you weigh again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 298

You deserved it 8 014

By Problem - 07/11/2010 20:34 - United States

Today, my manager informed me that I will not be completing my job training because I'll be transferring to a different store, and if they want me to work there, that's their problem. Today, I also found out that the new store will not accept me as a transfer unless I've already been trained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 298

You deserved it 2 422

Victim blaming

By Anonymous - 28/08/2014 21:16 - Portugal

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said, "Nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 047

You deserved it 3 471

I hate Mondays

By Leaving Early Fail - 12/01/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 11 617

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Spicy

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 709

You deserved it 7 961

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Top comments

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:40

Gave ya a FML and a YDI Either he wasn't upfront about being with someone - FYL or He did tell you and frankly didn't care - YDI

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:40

Have to agree with #1, though either way it sucks.

Comments

Send a private message

Saturday 4 April 2009 23:40

Gave ya a FML and a YDI Either he wasn't upfront about being with someone - FYL or He did tell you and frankly didn't care - YDI

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 4:45

#1 she also never said it's his boyfriend and just a guy she sleeps with

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 12:07

that's all that she told you???? you slut.

musicxisxlifee 1

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 5:11

What does YDI mean?

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Thursday 16 February 2012 6:58

It means you deserved it

fightingkittens 39

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Wednesday 16 May 2012 8:25

You're clearly wrong. It means Yellow Drop of Ice.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 7:09

I thought it was .. You dumb idiot ?!?!

snapplecap281 19

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Wednesday 20 November 2013 20:41

I thought that too for the longest time until I realized what it means x)

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:40

Have to agree with #1, though either way it sucks.

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Tuesday 6 March 2012 4:17

He was probably cheatin on her because u had the bigger door knobs

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:41

was she checking you out?

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Sunday 20 June 2010 21:49

hm, you would think that.... the gf didnt have to watch the poor girl pick up her stuff. she could have just waited till ahe changed, an THEN gtfo.

luvable_loozer 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:41

HARLOT! (that's a word that doesn't get near enough use these days. now you kids get off my lawn)

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Monday 11 July 2011 23:42

I think trollop fits her as well.

tournamentdecide 33

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Friday 25 April 2014 0:51

I'm pretty sure a harlot is a prostitute. Is there more than one meaning that I am not sure of?

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Monday 7 July 2014 0:35

Yes, it also means promiscuous woman, though I think it was the man that was promiscuous in this case.

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

that was hard to read

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

infinitegrace 21

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Monday 2 December 2013 3:55

What if she didn't know he had a girlfriend. That's not her fault then.

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Saturday 14 November 2015 10:02

^pretty sure if shes been sleeping with him for a while, she would know a woman lives with him. Us women leave stuff everywhere that show our presence.

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Friday 27 November 2015 16:57

it's a guy, they show its a guy.

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Friday 15 April 2016 22:15

The OP never said the girlfriend was living with him. She probably just came over unexpectedly.

BumpkinsBigBash 8

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Monday 11 July 2016 15:52

no sympathy for someone who probably didn't know?

roflwafflezzz 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:45

Skank.

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:45

OH FUCK, DUDE.

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:46

OWNED!

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:46

agree with #1 fo sho

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 49

Spicy

Spicy

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 9

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 177