Miscellaneous: Today, as I was finishing running a mile, my entire class begun... - FML

By silvernights21 - United States

Today, as I was finishing running a mile, my entire class begun to cheer me on. I felt happy since I don't have many friends. Only when I got closer did I realize that they were cheering for the girl behind me, and in fact, not one person was cheering for me. FML

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Out of it

Walk on the wild side

On the ball

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 23:01

Unloveable

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML

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By SenorPoopypants

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

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By TwiceDaily,Kids - United States

Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML

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By Branman2480 - United States

Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML

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By blonde moment

Today, while talking to a friend, I momentarily forgot the word for archery and instead called it, “Bow-and-Arrow Jutsu.” FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2021 17:01 - Germany - Zittau

Baby's high

Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

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By Elmo - United States

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

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By still together - United States - Keansburg

Today, my sister announced that she and her boyfriend are getting married. Her boyfriend is my husband. We're not even legally divorced yet. FML

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By Anonymous - Meade

Today, I felt cold while driving, so I blasted the heat. The one thing I didn't expect was a load of tiny spiders spilling out of the vents and writhing all over my dash. FML

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By officeditz - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

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By Idk - United States - Wilton

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

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By Arran - United Kingdom

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

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By wheelmaker

Today, the girl I've had several passionate encounters over the past few weeks admitted we cannot entirely be together as she is married. She wants to make it work with me but cannot divorce as she would lose her visa. FML

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By miss cranky pants - United States

Today, my gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being "too tight." I'm 24. After the explanation of having been pretty inactive in over a year, she exclaimed, "Damn, girl, we really need to find you a boyfriend!" Yeah, tell me about it. FML

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By Cheerieful - United States

Today, I playfully nudged my friend on the shoulder. She countered by shoving me head-first into a trash can. FML

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By blech - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML

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By jdrew32 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, after nearly 5 months of trying for a baby, I found out my wife has continued to take the pill as it gave her a better idea of her cycle and thus when she'd be "most fertile". FML

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By one cock too many - 4/8/2020 05:02

Who's been a naughty girl?

Today, I found out I’m the guy whose wife made adult films in college. Although embarrassed, I thought I may be able to get past it. Except for the fact that we dated in college, and she insisted we wait until after we were married to have sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

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By not paid enough - United States - Antioch

Today, I got written up for asking my coworker a question that I should have asked my boss to ask my coworker. Yay bureaucracy. FML

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By InsomniacToBe - United States - Saint George

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

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By BackIGo - 15/1/2021 02:01 - Australia

Back to the drawing board

Today, I finished birthday shopping for my husband, my son, and a close friend, who all have birthdays within a week. I was proud of myself for being organized, until I remembered: my husband has a twin sister. FML

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By Username - France

Today, at a debate tournament based on domestic abuse, my partner yells out, "Has anyone considered that maybe the women DESERVED to be beaten?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Not now

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

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By R281780 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML

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By dumbmotherinlaw - United States - San Diego

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

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By feistychick - United States

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

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By foshizzle - United States - Orlando

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

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By tkdbb11790

Threesome

Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML

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By KAAALIS - United States

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

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By facepalm - United States - Gainesville

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

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By screwedupkid

Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML

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By PmS - United States

Today, I was going over to my friends house for dinner, (it was my birthday) when I walked in everyone yelled surprise and then turned on the lights. When my friend looked over at me she said "wrong person guys, turn off the lights". FML

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By absentmindedmoron - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML

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By foreveravirgin - United States - New Orleans

Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML

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Top comments

By _daniellesays_ | 10

#3838409 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:43

If I were there, I'd cheer for you.

By hero93 | 6

#3838440 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:46

She was probably really ugly, so they felt twice as bad for her. Don't worry OP.

COMMENTS

By _daniellesays_ | 10

#3838409 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:43

If I were there, I'd cheer for you.

Reply

GovernorGeneral | 8

#3838455 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:48

Aw that so sad D:
I second #1 id totally cheer you on as well !

Reply

LolFMLnot | 10

#3838526 - Friday 6 January 2012 9:00

#9 ur comment goes so well with your picture! :$

Reply

fuzz97 | 23

#3838624 - Friday 6 January 2012 9:17

White knight detected

Reply

blackheart24 | 10

#3838737 - Friday 6 January 2012 9:46

Man I'm sorry OP. Whoever puts YDI is a heartless asshole.

Reply

CondomSense | 4

#3838749 - Friday 6 January 2012 9:50

I sense a troll coming from yonder passage.

Reply

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3838780 - Friday 6 January 2012 9:57

Hey CondomSense, why are you trying to lure MrMisfit in?

Reply

Castiell_fml | 0

#3838875 - Friday 6 January 2012 10:29

Ahh I know that feeling :(

Reply

fuzz97 | 23

#3838949 - Friday 6 January 2012 11:35

LOL, #35 probably is talking about me. Calling someone out for their white knighting =/= trolling.

Reply

Albarufus | 13

#3839076 - Friday 6 January 2012 12:14

Me too!

Reply

LukaInTheSky | 3

#3839846 - Friday 6 January 2012 16:23

Me three. Yay you!

Reply

blair_x | 12

#3842033 - Saturday 7 January 2012 1:26

This really is sad.
THREE CHEERS FOR OP!
Hip hip, HOORAY!

Reply

dmua12 | 1

#3844737 - Saturday 7 January 2012 11:49

Maybe they were cheering for everybody and moved on to the next runner as you finished.

Reply

Chris20003 | 17

#5324290 - Tuesday 15 January 2013 1:56

I second #1, that tugged at the heart strings.

By jeob1992 | 8

#3838416 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:43

Sooo way to go!!!!
Now someone cheered you on

Reply

SecretMe00 | 5

#3838968 - Friday 6 January 2012 11:46

Who needs people! Stay focused in life, OP. No one will ever care about you like the way you care about yourself. Sometimes you just have to be selfish.

Reply

kjcookie10 | 9

#3839345 - Friday 6 January 2012 13:35

Awe!!! But just think of it this way OP... You beat the bitch behind you and finished before her! So grrrrrrrrrreeeeeeat job!!! :D

Reply

KingOfAmazing | 9

#3842742 - Saturday 7 January 2012 4:47

It's just one mile, I think the OP should get over themselves.

Reply

whosays1 | 7

#3843332 - Saturday 7 January 2012 7:46

I'll be your friend OP!

By Blueglasscup | 18

#3838424 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:44

Go OP! You can do it!

Reply

Blueglasscup | 18

#3838444 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:47

Yeah okay now my comment seems really cliche. Guess everyone had the same idea.

Reply

SamLiveFree_77 | 9

#3838466 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:50

You think?

By SamLiveFree_77 | 9

#3838436 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:45

WOO-HOO!! YOU CAN DO IT!! There, hope that cheered you up OP. In some sort of way.

Reply

XmyviolentheartX | 13

#3839049 - Friday 6 January 2012 12:05

Wow, way to go sweet then sour.

Reply

pedosmurf | 7

#4119499 - Sunday 4 March 2012 0:18

OMG sour patch kids!!!

By hero93 | 6

#3838440 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:46

She was probably really ugly, so they felt twice as bad for her. Don't worry OP.

Reply

yahoowizard | 16

#3838897 - Friday 6 January 2012 10:42

Either that or the school whore, but either way, you're the one ahead.

Reply

docscientist | 9

#3839576 - Friday 6 January 2012 15:24

Why do you have to bring someone else down, to lift someone up?

By 21jason | 9

#3838442 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:46

You lived to tell the tale that the important thing!

By ghm1234 | 0

#3838450 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:47

That's so sad :(

Reply

yahoowizard | 16

#3838905 - Friday 6 January 2012 10:49

Well, everyone does love the underdog

Reply

kristena103 | 14

#3841312 - Friday 6 January 2012 22:43

U look sad cutey pie aweew

By jeob1992 | 8

#3838468 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:50

Is for me that and get a girl.

By kickuwithmyfist | 1

#3838480 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:52

You should of farted..so she'd run in to it BAM! Problem solved!

Reply

Jakesterk96 | 8

#3839519 - Friday 6 January 2012 14:53

Yea, because right when she smells the fart, everyone will cheer for OP!!

By GovernorGeneral | 8

#3838498 - Friday 6 January 2012 8:53

But its not that easy making friends in the middle of the school year when everyone has already made their 'friend groups'
Unless youre a new student...