Intimacy: Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 21:34 - Netherlands - Tilburg

Spicy

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 504

You deserved it 4 676

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Same thing different taste

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 685

You deserved it 83 502

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 432

You deserved it 25 060

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Spicy

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 227

You deserved it 555

Can't win

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 202

You deserved it 385

Caught in 4K

By ScrewU - 17/08/2022 19:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 016

You deserved it 182

Confuddled

By yosenfal - 28/04/2012 01:04 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Spicy

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 095

You deserved it 4 100

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 110

By Username - 18/03/2010 08:21 - France

Spicy

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 621

You deserved it 49 959

Sorry

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 18:06 - United States - Olympia

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 932

You deserved it 5 082

That escalated badly

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 09:03

Spicy

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 389

You deserved it 413

Next

Top comments

iShanny 13

Monday 26 November 2012 2:55

Easy fix. Memorize it and recite it for her. Boom! Pregnant. Bonus points if you do it in another language!

JJJJJakkkkeee 6

Monday 26 November 2012 2:59

Are you sure it wasn't a copy of 50 Shades of Grey with the cover of War and Peace on it?

Comments

jgriff79 23

Monday 26 November 2012 4:18

Her hand was obviously better than her partner!

zmoney2121 6

Monday 26 November 2012 4:40

Yo that sucks op

ICastillo 24

Monday 26 November 2012 4:47

Na he wished she sucked man that's the problem.

panda_lou 11

Monday 26 November 2012 4:46

Perhaps she is stressed out and doesn't have the energy to return the favor like you probably want. So she will take care of herself and then relax. Might not have something to do with you exactly.

panda_lou 11

Tuesday 27 November 2012 17:35

Thumbed down for stating a fact. Wtg guys.

Eorlas 31

Monday 26 November 2012 4:51

This is one of the best FMLs of all time. I want this printed on a shirt.

dodzin 9

Monday 26 November 2012 5:01

Make sure you a replacement for next time....

wickedninja918 1

Monday 26 November 2012 6:01

Ok could you please either restate this with a verb, and learn simple sentance structure, or don't comment. either way it's your choice

SirCharles83 13

Monday 26 November 2012 5:16

War and peace? Of all things some one would/could get off too, she picks war and peace? What the ****?

evanohevan 5

Monday 26 November 2012 5:25

Tolstoy is rather irresistable. try writing a book?

Huey_Freeman 4

Monday 26 November 2012 5:25

What the actual ****...Tolstoy?

FlyingPie 17

Monday 26 November 2012 6:49

What is this "actual ****" I keep seeing lately? Is it as opposed to a theoretical ****?

Zebediabolical 40

Monday 26 November 2012 5:33

Real men hide War and Peace behind 50 Shades of Grey!

evanohevan 5

Monday 26 November 2012 5:59

Also,(I feel compelled to add this) I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I'm afraid there was a naked photo of me in the pages of that book. sorry OP

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Today, my coworker came over to my desk and told me that I should protect my Twitter updates, because I had unknowingly made them public. My tweets include drinking stories, all the men I've hooked up with, various cuss words, sexual innuendos, and how much I hate my coworkers. FML

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I agree, your life sucks 56 864

You deserved it 8 353

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I agree, your life sucks 12 027

You deserved it 3 319

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I agree, your life sucks 47 635

You deserved it 12 266

Today, I was trying to show my boyfriend how to shake my iPod to shuffle songs. When I went to shake it, it flew out of my hand and hit him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 953

You deserved it 28 615