Miscellaneous: This is my life - FML

This is my life

By Broke - 07/02/2020 05:00 - United States

Today, I need money to fix my car, I need my car to get to work, and I need work to get money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 187

Leave us alone

Midlife crisis

I'm late… for business!

#winning

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Lakeville

Today, I placed $20 in a slot machine at a casino and in a matter of 5 minutes lost it all. My sister then sat at the same machine, put her $20 in and quadrupled her money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 097

You deserved it 1 977

Friends

By sandyc - 23/05/2021 22:01

Today, I just got my first period. My mother has been dead for years and my stepmother genuinely wishes I was dead, so who am I supposed to tell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 44

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 13:54 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my car is being repaired, so I had to catch a bus to work. When the bus came, the driver pulled toward the curb and gunned it through a large puddle of water, then pulled away and continued down the road, leaving me soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 951

You deserved it 1 561

By Anonymous - 07/03/2013 03:14 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 295

You deserved it 4 393

By Anonymous - 08/05/2016 10:38 - United States - Nashville

Today, I've been single for so long, I got butterflies when I went on a date. A date with a character in Grand Theft Auto. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 107

You deserved it 2 638

Caught in the act

By Anonymous - 12/08/2021 14:01

Today, I went to a party and saw my current boyfriend making out with my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 102

By disboydanielx - 16/11/2018 03:00

Today, I went to school without knowing that all my math books had been peed on by my cousin's cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 515

You deserved it 213

By Baboosh - 28/09/2009 04:11 - Canada

Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 032

You deserved it 13 890

By barbie - 18/05/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 687

You deserved it 10 573

By Apparently not a writer - 20/02/2013 16:36 - United States - Hockessin

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 095

You deserved it 8 388

By eliinu - 02/09/2016 02:45 - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 052

You deserved it 911

By valarmorgoolies - 06/02/2015 18:51 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 739

You deserved it 3 010

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 024

You deserved it 7 049

By secretpornstar - 13/06/2011 19:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 468

You deserved it 19 327

By Anonymous - 14/08/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard she pissed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 566

You deserved it 20 335

By roadbikemama - 25/10/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 194

You deserved it 11 098

Today, on Dr. Phil…

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 437

By jacey chreyest - 14/02/2014 21:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 623

You deserved it 4 990

By trixanne - 06/01/2015 20:57 - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I went to leave my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 158

You deserved it 3 762

Unprofessional

By Allie - 26/08/2021 15:01 - United States - Tyler

Today, my youth pastor died and I was crying. My boss told me to dry my tears, because it was affecting my coworkers. Sorry I'm human and cry when someone I know dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 136

By momma - 16/08/2013 15:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 931

You deserved it 3 699

Corolla Conspiracy

By Anonymous - 30/07/2017 00:30

Today, I was talking to one of the advisors at my job about how almost everyone in the workplace who owns a Toyota has strangely been in some sort of car accident in the last year. I happen to have a Toyota. Guess who was rear-ended at an intersection after leaving work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 990

You deserved it 508

By Anonymous - 16/04/2019 20:00

Today, I realized how exhausted I was when I mixed up my eye makeup remover with toner. My eye still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 355

By longest minute - 25/05/2016 11:28 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 652

You deserved it 2 642

By wasted_gas - 05/10/2013 16:00 - United States - Cumming

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 735

You deserved it 26 965

By rammedbehind - 26/08/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I was driving to work when a state trooper rammed into my car from behind, because he was on the cell phone and not paying attention. He gave me a ticket for "Failure to control speed to avoid a crash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 603

You deserved it 3 822

By Scared4Lf - 19/08/2016 18:10 - United States - Lamoure

Spicy

Today, I was awoken by my grandparents making love, as they shook the camper in which my cousin and I were sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 814

You deserved it 1 510

By panicelement - 27/02/2013 07:17 - United States - Carbondale

Spicy

Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 623

You deserved it 5 190

By Anonymous - 03/10/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 981

You deserved it 2 266

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 133

You deserved it 5 565

High school drama

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 20:04

Today, I found out the promise ring my boyfriend of 4 months gave me used to be his ex-girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 13/12/2013 03:47 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 264

You deserved it 2 817

I keep mine hidden

By Anonymous - 17/08/2020 20:00

Today, while my girlfriend is in hospital, I'm left at home with her mom. What I didn't know is that her mom's medication makes her do strange things. I learned that right away when she took a seat next to me, completely naked, on the couch. My girlfriend's mom is my grandmother's age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 100

By sleepyt127 - 07/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 034

You deserved it 7 736

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 05:55 - United States - Portland

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 735

You deserved it 38 494

By the fish - 30/01/2019 04:00

Today, I started this show and was really confused what was happening until I realized I accidentally started from the last episode so I basically ruined the whole show for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 1 269

By Iamsosorry - 22/06/2015 11:35 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 386

You deserved it 4 111

By beautifulme - 31/01/2012 06:22 - United States

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 073

You deserved it 4 863

By witt75 - 23/02/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 704

You deserved it 6 221

By Anonymous - 25/09/2016 11:22 - United States - Hills

Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 178

You deserved it 13 139

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Top comments

jbuckets_404 38

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Friday 7 February 2020 11:04

In other words: Same Shit, Different Day....

Monsieur Connard 64

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Friday 7 February 2020 7:14

♫ In the circle of life It's the wheel of fortune It's the leap of faith It's the band of hope 'Til we find our place On the path unwinding In the circle, the circle of life ♫♫

Comments

Monsieur Connard 64

Send a private message

Friday 7 February 2020 7:14

♫ In the circle of life It's the wheel of fortune It's the leap of faith It's the band of hope 'Til we find our place On the path unwinding In the circle, the circle of life ♫♫

thefmlman2011 35

Send a private message

Friday 7 February 2020 10:06

It’s an everlasting dilemma

jbuckets_404 38

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Friday 7 February 2020 11:04

In other words: Same Shit, Different Day....

WistayShlaio82 13

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Friday 7 February 2020 12:05

That’s called adulting

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Friday 7 February 2020 14:12

🎼 The wheels on the bus Go Round and Round

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 7 February 2020 16:44

Uber to work. Ask a coworker for a ride. Not that hard a problem to solve.

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Friday 7 February 2020 20:18

Welcome to adulthood

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Friday 7 February 2020 22:11

In other words, you suck at financial planning. Call a friend or get a bus ticket.

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Saturday 8 February 2020 17:40

Small loan from someone or bank? Credit card through a car repair chain? Uber or public transport if it’s available in your area? Car pool? Pay friends gas money to help ya out? Lots of options. None great. Life likes to do that to you. Most chains do offer credit. The interest sucks. But the qualifications to get it are very low. Sucks to be stuck with the bill. But there are ways to pick up extra cash.

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Sunday 9 February 2020 23:47

welcome to adulting.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 12

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 2 385

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 197