Kids: Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally... - FML

By anonymous - Japan

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

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Commando

Out of it

Good news

By StickyWicket

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

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By SunBed

Soaked

Today, I came home to my bed and most of my room soaking wet. This morning, my mom thought it would be "smart" to warm up my room by opening the skylight above my bed. There were heavy showers all day today. FML

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By toelie

Today, at 6 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER in the middle of the night for severe abdominal pain, fearing ectopic pregnancy. Turns out it was just a wayward turd. FML

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By kylie18xx21 - United States

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

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By unluckylassy - Ireland

Today, after moving miles to be with my boyfriend, I logged onto his computer just in time to see his other girlfriend had sent naked pictures. FML

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By TankTankTank - United States

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because I "don't know what I'm doing with my future". I've done four years in the Marines and am in the process of becoming an officer. She has a film degree which she has no interest in, works at the mall, and just moved back in with her dad. FML

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By 1234 - United States - Lutz

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched a grizzled, old gas station attendant with a stain on her blouse use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML

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By Monty Python's Flying Circus

Today, it's been three weeks since my son found my old red dress and hat outfit in the attic, and like every day since then, he has been putting it on and bursting into rooms without warning and shouting, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" He's almost 18 and going to college in September. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom

Take that

Today, I was at my Muay Thai class. We were doing a combination which consisted of a low kick, body kick and head kick. My partner had already done the low kick so I held the pads for the body kick. He kicked me straight in the jaw. I'm a teenage girl and he's a fully grown man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

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By Jasper - 29/5/2021 22:01 - United States

Betrayal

Today, I paid my best friend to not tell my girlfriend about having hooked up with another girl while drunk the other night. He told her anyway. Now I have no girlfriend and I’m $500 poorer. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I worked at my job at an amusement park at one of the roller coasters. I have to go around and make sure that every seat belt is around the passenger. I saw my boyfriend in a seat and ran over to say hi. I saw a girl next to him. I had to strap down my cheating boyfriend and the new girl. FML

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By justine

Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML

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By daddysboy123 - United States

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had one of my biggest dance shows ever. After months of practice I had finally gotten the lead position. When I entered the stage and raised my arms my straps fell down and I flashed an audience of 5000. FML

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By cmoney6452 - United States

Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML

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By Preggers

Such a helpful kitty!

Today, my cat has taken it upon herself to provide for the heavily pregnant lady. So far I've been presented with a mouse and 3 birds. I know they're for me because she meows until I see them, then walks away again. FML

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By Pooper scooper - Guam - Yigo

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

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By Jen

Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML

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By DumbFace714 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I used a blanket outside for a picnic. Later, while throwing it in the washer, I noticed a lizard jump out to land inbetween the bowl and the side. Then I noticed a wasp had joined it. I'm scared to open my washer now. FML

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By honorstudent - United States

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

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By Till We Pass Out - United Kingdom - Halifax

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

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By Bubbah - United States

Today, I was working my job as the person who checks people in at the gym. A sweaty chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied with "we like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said "so how did you get the job?" FML

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By ZPyRoGoDz - United States

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

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By John

Today, I offered to drive my girlfriend's grandpa to the doctor. I thus learned my girlfriend's grandfather has a colostomy bag when it burst all over the inside of my truck. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was running late for my morning gym class. I grabbed a near-empty drink bottle on my way out, intending to fill it up at the gym. Mid-workout, I reached for my bottle and took a big mouthful as I headed over to fill it up. To my great surprise, it was not water but straight vodka. FML

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By deflated - Ireland

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

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By insert pussy pun, hurr durr - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

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By Bailey - Canada

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to walk through an extremely crowded pub wearing a dorky prisoner outfit to get to a dress-up party at the back. When we got there, I soon realised it wasn't fancy dress, but just black-and-white themed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Astoria

Today, a stranger nearly beat the crap out of my boyfriend for being a pedo. I ended up showing the guy my driving license to prove I'm not a pre-teen and that I'm just freakishly young looking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was being driven to get my wisdom teeth removed and I was panicking all the way there. When we got to the office, I was told that I'd been brought in on the wrong day, and that I have to do this all over again tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Show Low

Today, I picked up an elderly woman walking alone in the cold. I asked her where she was going but she didn't respond. Thinking she was just cold, I kept driving until a man driving erratically kept honking at me. Turns out he's her husband and she has severe Alzheimers. FML

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By Anonymous

Sashay away!

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Irving

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

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By The Fishing Pole

So, are you in or are you out?

Today, I told my long time crush, "I love you," in an elaborate way. She replied, "What an interesting perspective." FML

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Top comments

By theanonymoose | 3

#674124 - Monday 16 November 2009 12:09

FML? More like, pure win.

By madderakka | 0

#674182 - Monday 16 November 2009 13:25

Not really an FYL. You will be able to tell this embarrassing story to every girlfriend he will ever have. Revenge.

COMMENTS

By Zoockey | 5

#674123 - Monday 16 November 2009 12:08

FIRST!!
lol'd
ur son is a cat maybe?? Or are you catwoman! :O

Reply

firebird94 | 0

#674129 - Monday 16 November 2009 12:10

congratulations on being first(pathetic)!

thats actually a total win

By theanonymoose | 3

#674124 - Monday 16 November 2009 12:09

FML? More like, pure win.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#951699 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 1:31

I think you have a strong pussy gene.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#951724 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 1:36

I think you have a very strong pussy gene. Or your husband was a Siamese twin! But really that is creepy. Well think of the money you can save on toilet paper alone!

Reply

redsox4021 | 0

#976909 - Friday 9 April 2010 19:27

#63 stfu

Reply

hwkfan1 | 10

#978691 - Monday 12 April 2010 7:55

tsu

Reply

Parky03 | 9

#5093052 - Monday 29 October 2012 7:45

Half-way there! :)

By GR3453m0nk3y | 4

#674136 - Monday 16 November 2009 12:18

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

rosaleehoohaha | 0

#5017977 - Monday 8 October 2012 15:42

You must feel so cool... First AND a white suit? I'm jeolous

Reply

bluerara912 | 12

#5579849 - Sunday 14 July 2013 16:14

Wow no one gives a shit

By i_is_a_tr00l | 0

#674137 - Monday 16 November 2009 12:21

First fails at life.

By bertiebass1 | 5

#674138 - Monday 16 November 2009 12:23

awww well at least it wernt on the floor!

Reply

ALRULES88 | 1

#966832 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 15:34

wernt?? don't you mean wasnt

By xxAmberxx | 0

#674160 - Monday 16 November 2009 12:49

hahaha omg massive LOL.... that made me laugh soooooooooooooooo hard after I read it

By Reality_bites | 14

#674163 - Monday 16 November 2009 12:53

Hilarious! I love it. This made my day.

By mirage24_fml | 0

#674174 - Monday 16 November 2009 13:16

That's not FML, that's just funny.

By jts2 | 3

#674179 - Monday 16 November 2009 13:19

I suppose it could be counted as an FML.

After many months of trying to potty train the kid, he finally tells her that he goes. Then she sees he went elsewhere.

Reply

ZeroIce | 12

#4566067 - Thursday 14 June 2012 15:24

I just read it. I dont need a recap @10

Reply

TheScholtens | 15

#5780945 - Friday 6 December 2013 8:39

thanks for the rundown of what happened... You saved the day! some of us are to stupid to understand the og post... :)

By madderakka | 0

#674182 - Monday 16 November 2009 13:25

Not really an FYL. You will be able to tell this embarrassing story to every girlfriend he will ever have. Revenge.

Reply

ratlets | 0

#674214 - Monday 16 November 2009 14:06

Exactly!!